Okay this is one of my rather serious philosophical posts so just skip it if u dont like such posts. So i have been thinking a lot about life and how we tend to change sometimes without even realizing we are changing and before you know it you are looking at yourself and thinking WHO AM I? what happened to the OLD ME?! And no matter how hard you try to reach the person you were, its just not happening.
time passes and the old you is more and more intangible. like a faint memory that you yourself doubt was real.
I was sitting the other day while lulu was sleeping in my lap. i noticed the floor needed cleaning and well not major major cleaning. a few little crumbs of za3tar here and there. i ws too lazy and said i will clean it later. then i dropped my pasta plate later on that day and oh my you cant ignore THAT! so i ended up mopping the whole floor.
why am i saying this? get to the point ya dino! yes yes okay...
i feel our heart starts out like a white floor. or carpet lets say. little sins may be little crumbs we think are insignificant and we ignore them because we think its a mess that we will eventually clean. with time if we dont clean these little crumbs or stains our heart will no longer be white and it will be harder to get it clean.
Sometimes we fall into huge sins that we either feel so bad about that we repent and our whole heart is cleansed. other ppl choose to ignore the big stains thinking its too late to clean anything right now cause the stain is probably never going to go away after so long. so they add more and more 6eeneh to it :S
i feel my heart needs major cleaning. with chlorox jiff anything :) and i hate how i get caught up in life and i forget the major thing we were brought here for. 3ibada ( worshipping) Allah in everything we do. We have to fix out niya ( intentions) in everything we do so that even bringing up a child is rewarded.
things are easier said than done. and i will inshala work hard on going back to the way i used to be and better inshala. Even when i miss a prayer, even when i dont wake up for fajr, God still blesses me everyday in everyway & all i can say is Al Hamdulila.
oh how i wish i could send my heart to to the drycleaners!
So... its been a while since i told you guys my news. Motherhood is a 24 hour job. Don't even try to compare motherhood to a normal daily job. Any job is a piece of cake next to being a 24 hour mother and ofcourse a wife. If u have a maid at home and work and say ur life is even harder casue u are a mother and working. sorry. you have a maid. when you get home you actually spend quality time with your baby while someone cleans the house for you and will hold your baby for you when you need to shower or run to the supermarket. it's still hard but when ur on ur own its harder.
I mean even when i finally get a chance to sleep im sleeping and my mind is awake and worried about my little lulu. Worried that she would puke in her sleep and choke and that i would not hear her! b3eed il shar. All sorts of motherly fears come to my mind and i just am always so scared of doing something wrong. She will be 3 months in 2 days inshala! She always wants to be held and i must admit " dala3naaha". which is why she crys when we put her down and will only sleep in someones arms. At first she wanted to be held. then she wanted to be held while you are standing, then she wanted you to walk around with her, then now her new thing is to sit in the stroller while i walk around the house lol. soon she will need a helicopter ride!
she is starting to smile more and make the cutest baby sounds and sometimes yells at me in her baby talk and it sounds something like " INGEL3iii" :P
oh and if i finally get a chance to shower she has to puke all over me to express her love. I actually realized that babies have different crys! i mean is so amusing! there is the ENGGeee ENGEEEEEE and the AAGHH AGHHHHH and ofcourse the AWoooooooooooooooo! :P
i just have to tell any woman out there who is about to have a baby and is freaking out and who is a new mom as well. Its not as scary as it seems. It is a lot of hard work but its worth it . You'll get the hang of it. I can say i am now starting to enjoy motherhood more because im understanding my little lulu more and im not afraid to go out to the mall with her anymore. :) but i have to say you seem to forget about yourself, your life and your baby is your life now and you no longer live for you but for her.
I am loving her more and more each day and this love is the strongest love i have ever felt. I just want to protect her. I feel she was safer in my belly! :P now with her strong kicks and her "ras il belaGleG" <-- jiggly head. i always hope she doesnt hurt herself .
i still can't believe im a mother. i still cant believe i finally DELIVERED :P
So im getting better at animation and will post more bagoora stories soon inshala :)
i am a mother,:P talk way too much!!love art& illustrtion photography! graphic designer illustrator..try to be as religious as i can.. what else?
apparently im a rooster according to this Chinese horoscope :S hmm i adore chocolate.. explains my nick.. i should stop any CAFFEINE INTAKE cause im NATURALLY HIGH!!