As we grow older we learn by our new experiences everyday and whether we like it or not we do change. Life changes us not necessarily to worst or better, we just change and learn that the world is not as simple as we thought. We learn that in this world there is not 1 single person who is 100% identical to the next. We are different biologically, psychologically and not one of us has the same fingerprint. Even identical twins have their differences and in the End God will judge us for the way we chose to live our life, the sins we have done and only GOD has the right to do that.
Unfortunately in this time and day every single one of us is judging one another. Whether we admit it or not, some make their judgments out loud and act upon them, others keep the judgment in their minds and give the person a chance to prove them wrong.
When we meet a person, we immediately and often unconsciously assess that person by how they look, how they act. Its a split-second judgment we make sometimes even involuntarily. we judge others by what they are wearing, how they talk and who they are with.
i believe a lot of us judge each other to make ourselves feel better or superior to one another. Like pointing at that half naked lady saying " Can you believe what she is wearing??".. I am guilty of doing that several times. :S
Its that moment your kids throws a tantrum in the mall and people don't look at your baby but at you and their looks are saying what a bad parent you are.
Every single day we judge and are judged. And some people are extremists and some people are a little more subtle but we all do it and we all hate being judged as well.
One of the main changes i feel has changed in myself is that i have completely different perspective of others. Life taught me to never say " I'll never do that?" or " No way No way i will be in such a position". Everything is possible. One day you are judging someone for doing something and the next thing you know, years later you are in their place being judged for that same thing.
We sometimes feel that its okay to tell someone how they should behave or what is acceptable and what is not. Like we know better and that we are right because well OFCOURSE WE ARE RIGHT! * pshhht * rolls eyes to express how ridiculous anyone would be to suggest she could ever be wrong
Truth is first step to opening up your mind is to accept that YOU too could be very wrong.
Our judgment of others is an extension of our own self-judgment, based on our own backgrounds adn beliefs.
We have a certain expectation or idea in our mind of how someone SHOULD act, or REACT.Once we meet someone who does not react according to our standards or ideologies we automatically start to criticize them.
As a Muslim, and Hijabee i feel my hijab is the fastest way people judge me. Automatically they think oh she is a hijabee and must be an extremist. She must have issues and be very oppressed. She must not have a sense of humor.. and so on. a lot of negative stereotypes come with Islam unfortunately and I feel when traveling abroad you have to work twice as hard to break those stereotypes.
In the US i found myself giving out extra smiles and hellos to people and it was like i was trying to get them to see im NOT a terrorist. I am not Oppressed! And no matter how nice they were to me the moment Lulu cried they would look at her with such fear in thier eyes and inspect her face to see if i slapped her or beat her up while they weren't looking. This ofcourse was not everyone but some people, others were really friendly but not matter what i was always so self-conscious of my hijab.
i felt when i entered a quiet room that as soon as they look at me they hear..
ALLAHIU AKBAAAAAAAAAAAAAR * imaginary gunshot sounds in the background
So sad that even Al Takbeer which is the start of every prayer, every adan is now just connected with violence and terrorism. When In reality if there is any religion in the world that is about PEACE it is
The meaning of ISLAM is slam is derived from the Arabic root "Salema": peace, purity, submission and obedience. In the religious sense, Islam means submission to the will of God.
ASSALAM is one of Gods divine names which means Peace.
But even here in between our own same cultures even people of the SAME religion can be harsher or each other than those from totally different religions and cultures.
I too was once caught up into a very harsh judgement phase where i too judged people by what they wore, by what they did. But now i try to see beyond what is obvious. I have met so many people who hide behind their Hijab, Jilbab even Niqab. I have seen people treat those who remove hijab as if they have left ISLAM. When in reality leaving prayer is far worse. As leaving prayer is Kabeera a major sin.
Did it ever occur to you people that maybe your non-stop judgments and expectations and harsh words about her hijab are what brought her to take it off?
Did it ever occur to you that by just getting up to pray that itself is a reminder to pray, instead of telling her GO PRAY HARAM HARAM you will go TO Hell?
Did you ever stop and pray for that person who you are criticizing instead of attacking them?
Hijab is a responsibility that many brave muslim woman are willing to take. It is a step that many fear to take, other make in a young age, others make after a sudden rush of IMAN and faith. For whatever reason a woman chooses to wear hijab it is something that is between her and between Allah. It should definitely be a way of measuring a persons faith.
Dont get me wrong.. i am Pro-hijab . I love my hijab but i also like every human being make mistakes. I struggle with my prayers.. i know that my hijab is not always right and i have a long way to go. Its a constant jihad that i and every Muslim goes through. We all have our ups and downs and life is hard enough without people judging you and putting more burdens on you that you can handle.
I have had many people who are dear to me remove hijab. At first i judged. It upset me a lot. I think it was after someone i loved very dearly removed it that it it HIT ME. Maybe her being judged all the time is what drove her to remove it. Maybe her Faith is no longer as strong as it was to be able to represent Islam by her actions. Maybe she is starting to feel that her actions are bringing shame or ruining islams reputation and in her mind removing it is a way of removing the responsibility of being seen as the walking symbol of ISLAM. Maybe she could handle the burden of being treated with such prejudice and discrimination but could not bare to see that her hijab is bringing this same treatment to her own kids.
I can imagine if someone beat me up and asked me to remove hijab i will refuse. But if they lay a finger on my daughters i am not sure if i will be that strong. Allah ythabetna and inshala i never go through that test.
So don't assume things on your own and assume you are better than that person in anyway because the only difference between you and her is that her weakness is more visible.
I'm not saying what she is doing is right and it will always break my heart to see someone dear let go of something so precious. i believe we all struggle and the reward for this inner struggle we fight is greater than we know. We all have our weaknesses and strengths some peoples weakness are more obvious than others.
I'm just saying don't treat that person with an obvious weakness with such harsh judgment and know that maybe behind that outer appearance is a seed of goodness that can only grow if its watered with kind words and love and not harsh criticism.
Be kind to one another and no that every person has been created with different gifts, weaknesses and strength, every person has different interests, abilities and capabilities.
Not one person in this world has shared the same exact experiences in this life.
Not one person has the exact same thoughts and experiences.
To my dear hijabee sisters who are struggling with thier hijab and are started to feel that its a burden on them. Know that your hijab will not ward off potential husbands. I know that we are constantly surrounded by distractions and temptations that overwhelm us at times. And at times you will feel like a hypocrite by the things you do. Try to remember the beauty of it and how you felt when you first wore it. Try to realize how much good has come into your life and how much peace and tasyeer has come your way.
I speak for myself and i feel hijab is a protection, its a constant reminder to oneself. I feel after i wear it i always think twice or more before i do something. I know that i do hold a great responsibilty and that i do whether i like or not srand for islam with my actions. I have respect for it and that respect is what stops me sometimes. I feel by holding on to it it is a form of 3ibada and if i chose to jahed everyday to please Allah it is one door that i am keeping open and i know that maybe with this door God will help me in my struggle and will open many other doors for me.
If every woman left hijab because she felt she could not represent islam as a sinner, there would be no hijab in the world because not one of us is strong enough or perfect to be the IDEAL muslimah.
If the prophet ( pbuh ) left spreading Islam once things got tough and once people hurt him there would be no ISLAM.
Jihad is part of our everyday life. Always know the harder it is for you the greater the reward.
Have Faith in Allah and remember you have it on to please HIM.
Only God can judge us. Allah the most Merciful who knows of our differences says in the Quran in
Surat Al-'Anbyā' (The Prophets) - سورة الأنبياء
Sub7anllah It is not even ONE scale for everyone. Only God knows how he will judge us on that scale and he left a lot in " 3ilm al ghayb". What i know is that for each and every person and there will Justice, there will be no INJUSTICE and only God is all-knowing and only he knows how he will judge us so please don't act like you are God by saying who will go to hell and who will go to heaven.
And please please enough with the lollypop and flies metaphor. It is degrading to woman. We are not sweets or lollypops. And if i was not a hijabee i would be highly offended that just because i dont have the scarf on that i am now filthy. I have a lot of non-hijabi friends and family who are so decent and pious and hijab is not a way of measuring ones purity.
This topic was focused on hijab but it applies to every single judgment we make about those who we know nothing about.
So if you really religious and fear Allah and want whats best for your Deen.. Dont judge ya hajj and try to think of kinder ways to help those who are struggling with thier faith because it is kindness that will make a difference.