Monday, October 09, 2017

Are you Belittled or Entitled ?






So again i found myself in a situation where i did someone a favor and then after doing it i asked myself.. " HEY? Did they even appreciate what i did? Would they ever do the same for me? Would i even ever ask them to do such a thing ? Do i feel better or worse after doing this?

I have realized that pretty much all my life i have had trouble saying "NO" and not only that i feel that i can't say NO..  I feel like to say NO i need to have a like a life threatening situation. When i say NO i feel like i have to justify it so many times because i wouldnt want that person asking me to do the favor to be upset. I spend my time trying to please others and i get out of my way and i prioritize others over myself.

I have started to realize that being a people pleaser doesnt make people like you more or respect you more. It actually makes them belittle you more and in arabic " ما بعملولك حساب"

Who should we ask to do this huge unthinkable favor? DINA? why because she will say YES! 

I remember in University days a girl i barely knew asked me to drop her off to her house which is very far from university and I had a class! She kept asking me to drop her off i missed my class just so i can drop her back home. I don't know what i was thinking and if i was thinking even but i know for sure i would never ask someone to do that for me. I also know that the girl never really cared about me or appreciated what i did for her. 

I have been in this situation so many times and in the end i used to tell myself "Do it for Allah" and that Allah will reward you if you do good deeds. Truth is that way of thinking doesn't always make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel better because the things i do for others are not exactly charity work and i dont consider the favors i do real needs. They are usually just people who feel entitled and feel that the world owes them a favor. They come up and ask you to do something like " hey why don't you design a logo or invitation for me since you are fabulous designer. And you tell yourself okay i will do it and you think its a nice gesture. 

They end up spending hours and hours tweaking your work and talking to you like they are your boss and in the end you are surprised that when they start thier own business one day and you want to support them by buying something from them they don't even offer you a discount because business is business right?
Or even worse they decide after the many hours you spent on the design that they don't want do this business afterall and they dont need the design.

What i have realized is that the problem was never people who take advantage of you. The real problem is knowing yourself worth and knowing that your time is precious and you get to decide what you want to do with it.

Know that if someone asks you to do something you can do EASILY and you just dont feel like doing it because you would rather stare at a WALL! YOU CAN SAY NO!

Know that those who most likely ask you do extreme favors that you would never ask them to do most likely have just called you for that favor and only call your when they need something.

           Never agree to do something that you yourself would never ask someone to do for you.

 Charity and good deeds can be done at your own time when you want to do them and don't come in a form of favors for others . 

Never prioritize someone else needs over your own or your family and know that the most important thing is you and your family.

No one will ever out you above themselves.

Remember you can always say NO.. BiDEESH without even justifying it and feeling the need to justify it.

I have noticed those who give off the " im entitled" vibe don't only get what they want, others actually feel like they deserve it! They want everything to end up their way and feel superior somehow. They live with the belief that they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment by others.

Always remember that people will only do to you what YOU allow them to. And doing a favor shouldnt be the reason someone likes you or disklikes you. If they choose to dislike you for not agreeing to do thier favor maybe they were never really your friends in the first place.

Know your SelfWorth. Respect Yourself. Love Yourself and Put yourself and your Family First.
Help Others always but on your own terms and when YOU willingly want to and not because they manipiluated you or made you feel that you MUST.

I feel in life there are those who are Belittled and those who feel Entitled. 

Which one are you?



And that my dears is what i call my SELF Therapy Session of the night.


Good night.
 





7 comments:

Haitham Al-Sheeshany said...

Ahoy there Ms yes-person
:)

Good read, thanks.

I will not offer a double-rant version of my own but just quick two things:

1- https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/99401.The_Power_of_a_Positive_No

It is a good book, seems like a light read (because it makes sense and ALSO you do realise most of what is written in it but it sort of gives yo a sense of direction, and tools, on how to do so)

2- There is a fine line between being there for people and being exploited, finding that line is hard but there is the fact that if you cross over and see all who are treating you wrong as the main focus; then you need to re-balance matters toward YOU, selfishness but warranted. However, if you preserve on being a giving person, with every sense of the word, then you are a true leader and contributor to LIFE. This is what yet another book claims (oh no, books again!)
https://hbr.org/2005/07/level-5-leadership-the-triumph-of-humility-and-fierce-resolve (short description of the book)

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Great-Companies-Leap-Others/dp/0066620996/
(the book)

See you later leader # 5
:)

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