InTeRnAL BAttle$ !!
Have you ever just sat there and felt like you
had a split personality?! more like an internal battle or internal battles with you heart, mind & soul! where you felt that no matter how hard you try to do things right they just end up a complicated mess in ur head!? maybe its all in my head and maybe this is too deep ... and maybe i need some therapy!!
its like i try to please God as much as i can... i try to please ppl as much as i can... then i realize that even doing my best is not good enough.. that no matter what i do i will always feel bad because we are all sinners and i will always feel guilty for not being as good a mu2mina and muslimah as i would want to be... then id feel bad for the things i havent accomplished... and never will people be please with you!!
And in that moment i think abt all this... i feel a heavy weight on my chest... i remember all those negative thoughts and even comments ive heard throughout all my life... i feel the urge to just scream at the top of my lungs !! AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH!
LIke u have had Enough FAkene$$! Enough of everything!! You feel soo much negativeness has accumulated inside of u throughout the years you have been bottled up !
oh wait... a voice says to you.. no no " there is a silver lining on every dark cloud!"
I am SICK of looking at the silver lining around the freakin dark clouds! when all i get is ACID RAIN in my eyes! or more like RAiny Eyes
ok.. i hate being pessimistic.. that the darkside talking.. *wears colorful shades that make her see the rainbows again...
Enough drama for one night i guess... i think i over did it with the deep thoughts... what do u expect its 4:36 am and i just recovered from a serious case of food poisoning.. and i just saw a movie about witchcraft and voodoo...
i shall end this psychotic journey in mind mind and spare u my schizophrenic thoughts... but i will probably be back with more 2moro!
*Muo ha ha ha ha EVIL LAugh!where did all that come from?! hehe im back to normal now that i let it out of my system!!
*skips away in garden of roses.... singing "ITS a Wonderful World"
IC,
ReplyDeleteYou might not be that far off with the split personality thing. I often think that we develope different facets to our personalities over time. Like different personalities that take over in different situations.
I kind of like the idea of it.
SK
Wow, did you spell schizophrenic without a dictionary ?
ReplyDeleteI am impressed. I had to stop a second and think about it.
Sooo, talented.lol
SK
haha no dictionary yes...
ReplyDeletewait till u see my other spellin mistakes! hehe
sk ur like my only fan! thanks!
i think i have more than just 2 personalities!!
*twitches!
Not to worry, I have counted four different personality fallbacks. I am gratefull they are there *pats herself on back proudly*
ReplyDeleteit's all good, it's all good.
Oh, a fan ?
ReplyDeleteYou make me sound kind of groupie-ish.LOL.
I find your thoughts interesting and similar to mine. I am a couple of years older than you, but the brain functions seem to be similar. Always thinking, always analysing.
You also practice a religion that I am not 100% familiar with, and therefore a different lifestyle in alot of ways. It gives a different insight into almost a parallel "ME", since your interests, train of thought and opinions seem so similar.
It is actually quite fascinating. I could have stayed quiet I suppose and just read your blog. But I had to let you know you sure are not alone..your issues and thoughts span over oceans and continents. Literally.
im shocked anyone in this world shares my thoughts! i seriously thought i was...
ReplyDelete*singing
Allllll by my seeeeeeeelffffff..
side note :
many celine dion attempts resulted in neighbors moving out... *windows break...
*birds migrate to a place where they can find peace! hehe
i sure do feel we have a lot in common!! glad u enjoy my craziness!
dont u have a blog ! id love to see it!
A blog, who ? little ol me ?
ReplyDeleteIt looks a little time consuming. Mabe I will do one..them make a reference to your site and then say"ditto, what she said" lol.