she’s still your mother..

All my life i have been told you will never understand till you are a mother. You will never appreciate till you are a mother. Motherhood is much harder than i thought but even after being a mother it made things more clear to me.  Im sick of parents making their chidren feel guilty for being born blaming them for every problem in thier life. They decided to have a baby and bring their kids into this world and these children are born because you choose to bring them here. 

They are not your possession and they are not your slaves. Making them feel guilty for your every single mishap or inconvenience they might have caused by their mere existence is so wrong.

You want your kids to treat you with love and visit you when you are older you should make them feel safe and loved in their childhood. If you are old and your children can’t stand to be around you it’s maybe because you never loved them and pushed them away. 

Motherhood is a blessing even with all the hardship and sacrifices every mother makes the true reward is seeing them happy and knowing that you did your best to make them live with the least amount of psychological problems possible. 

What really really makes me angry is mothers using their mother “title” to abuse their kids. That no matter what your mother does to you no matter how horrible there is always someone who will say “ بتضلها امك" "she’s still your mother”. It took me years to finally understand that being a mother is not just a word or title. A mother is someone who loves her children unconditionally and doesn’t hurt them and make thier  lives a living hell. 

If you grew up with a narcissist mother that always hurts you and plays the mother card and pretends to be the victim I will never tell you “ she still your mother” 

بر الوالدين definition is different when you have a mother who lives to ruin your life and make it a living hell. If you tried everything and you still fail to stop the hurt it’s okay to keep your space and البر is actually الصبر على الأذى and not to return it to her. Pray for her from far away and know Allah knows you are only protecting yourself from being hurt by her again. 

I know many people mean well when they say advice such as “ no matter what she’s your mom” but truth is no one lived your story and no one knows the depth of your pain and no will even believe that a mother is capable of doing the things that were done to you. So it’s better to not give such advice when truely no one knows your story.