Life on Loop

 Did you ever wake up to a realization that your life has been in the same cycle and you are caught in the same loop that you can’t get out of. You tell yourself things will change or you can end this cycle and years later you find yourself in the exact same place wondering how you are still here. 

You find yourself unable to break from a negative situation because your negative thoughts tell you it will only be worse and what you know and are familiar with is better than the unkown .

You are now living in your uncomfortable comfort zone. 

You live the same struggles and emotions. You are so familiar with the cycle that you can predict what will happen next. Yet.. you don’t have the courage to break it because the fear of what is out of this cycle is crippling. The fear of the unknown. The fear of failure.

My wise friend once told me that Allah sends us the same tests and makes us relive the same experience even sometimes with different people till we finally learn the lesson we were meant to learn and understand it.

I hope one day I am able to break the negative cycles in my life and that I fine the inner peace that I need.

My Trip to Azerbaijan

 I never got a chance to blog about my trip to Azerbaijan with my bestie! I think any trip is a million times better if you travel with your best friend! So have always wanted to take a trip and checked all the countries that don’t require visa application for Jordanians living in UAE and saw a picture of a rollercoaster in the snow in Azerbaijan and said yala beena! Hathhhh hooooo

I think to honest its not about where you travel as much as who you travel with. Most important when travelling with a friend is that you don’t only have inside jokes but share the same appetite and love the same things. Someone who really knows how to enjoy themselves rather than make the trip Nakad complaining. 

So Azerbijan was nice and we walked around the market and had lots of good food. I highly recommend this cafe. Although I never ever loved vegetable soup this soup was so so good we went there twice and some meat from heaven *dina drools remembering mazkaaah

 https://www.instagram.com/thehousecafe.baku?igsh=N2NqODI5N2kxczk5

                

I also loved this other cafe had so much options for yummy food *dina pats on belly

https://www.instagram.com/centralbakuaz?igsh=bXB2Zmh5ejE1cDF2

So other than eating we explored the famous sites and went to a museum of art and handmade dolls and cars! And ofcourse we went to a carpet museum. 

* Dina carries sujadeh with luggage back to Dubai

               

And a took a ride on a boat in mini Venice and the whole ride the man steering the boat kept saying “Mashala Mashala” with eyes full of love.

 We loved walking in the old city and it even rained and it’s so nice to wear winter clothes for once! 

I saw a monkey that I didn’t dare get close to as I have a history with monkeys biting me🤣 *twitches

My ultimate best part of the trip was the SNOW and the rollercoaster in the snow! Well I have to admit that I regret buying the video recording of me on the ride as apparently I turn into a 7ajeh and I kept smiling in a very 7ajjeh in wonderland kind of way and making weird sounds of ohhhh wooow… didn’t know fe صوت و صورة 

Not only that I found that I lick my lips like 1 kizillion times  throughout the video.. maybe because it was very cold .. or because ims sometimes I can be wired.. we laughed so hard at the footage that I will never share here.. 

So this place was shahdag mountain and we stayed in a very nice hotel called Pik Palace

And no Ana majnoone to swim in talajeh weather.

So me and my bestie decide to take the selfcare another level and every night we would apply all the creams we had on our faces. Laghwas laghawees. And keep in mind I don’t even know half the creams I have with me but I made it a mission to finally use the creams I have. 

So one night during the face care session my friend was applying a cream and saying wow it smells so good.. wow I didn’t know kerastese makes face creams.. and asked me what is this cream for.. I read it was “HAIR SERUM” and couldn’t stop laughing and couldn’t answer her question  .. and she kept asking me

Cream shuu!! Ijrayn!!(feet) cream shu!! Haha

Best times ever is when you LOL with your bestie till you can’t breath after applying hair cream on your face .. which is surprisingly was very effective 🤣 *dina washes face with shampoo and then applies hair cream

So no Kerastese doesn’t make face creams that I know of but I will happily market your hair serum for the face🤣

One thing I didn’t know about SNOW since I’m only a pro in desert areas. Is that when the snow is fresh you can easily SINK in it. So one snowy day I was trying to take a photo of my bestie on a mountain of snow and I kept sinking in and couldn’t get up. A family next to us was laughing so hard at me struggling to get up! 

Don’t make fun of my ⛄️ snowman

 So what I learnt in life is that what makes any trip the best trip isn’t only the place you go but who you travel with so choose your travel partner wisely.

 

Jordan AdventuRes SuMMary

ok now that im back im remembering my days in jordan and i decided to share some interesting adventures with you.. surprisingly I didn’t hear any ghaz ice cream truck please tell me they still have that!


There was an accessories shop ... its supposed to be PRETTY ... written BRETTY... im thinking jordan needs a major spell checker! im not a spelling Wizz but if i make a poster or banner i think id get some spelling EXPERT! not to forget to mention the menu that said " TEA WITH MALIK" intead of tea with "MILK" for a second i wondered if the tea comes with a guy named MALIK! :S

I highly suggest when Amman you take one of those day trips that take you to Ajloun, Al Karak or Al Salt for amazing hiking experience ! Last trip I went to Wadi Bin Hammad in al karak through https://www.instagram.com/yalla_adventure_jo?igsh=MTYxbWJmNTdiaDB6ag==

                  I highly recommend it!

anyway.. you must must also try “ SADISM” coffee meant for qahwa Saada.. *dina gives restaurant owner judgemental look of ya 3eeb il shoom🤣

Everytime I go to Jordan I must must must pass by swiefieh village and have Majnoon Qahwa. I just love the vibes there and sometimes a stray cat finds me and sits in my lap. 

I also love Rainbow street and Al Balad downtown which is surprisingly super busy even late at night! Not like blad il ajaneb when I was in Canada and Italy the streets are dead by 5 pm! *sound of saraseer

 

Unfortunately this time when I was in Amman it seemed I got a sandstorm and heatwave with me so my short stay there was like I was in Dubai heat only worse because not everywhere has proper AC! But nevertheless the trip was nice and saw my family and friends and ate my main goals which were.. CHILLI  HOUSE, Al Day3a shawerma and Gerard! 

 

And Yes I will proudly take a selfie with a shawerma and ice cream! 

I love taking pics with the graffiti walls and discovering       new hidden places and cafes everytime.

 

    My fav cafe with a view was Dar Ne3meh https://www.instagram.com/dar_nemeh.jo?igsh=OWh0bDFrZWR5YXZh

Amazing view!

My favourite breakfast other than Abu Jbara is Khashoka

https://www.instagram.com/khashoka.jordan?igsh=bTFta3Uyc3VjM3Vy

And Also my fav restaurant is Renchai .. Soo latheeth

https://www.instagram.com/renchai_jordan?igsh=dnlvOHRweXN5bTdl

I Love Amman ❤️ will leave you with some pics from my trip and yes I know it’s Mostly food  *dina om karsha *pats on belly

🤣 I’m back to the gym now burning Italy and Jordan adventures 

Things you experience after 40

I feel my life changed drastically after I turned 40. Which isn’t many years ago. *glares are someone who yells 43 waleyyyy.. ok ok I know i am 43! *rolls eyes at that person and throws shibshib

So I was saying.. as you age somehow you start getting more comfortable in your own skin. You become more accepting of your flaws and actually sometimes look back at things you thought were flaws and are like OMG I used to think i looked fat in this pic!! Haynii ghazalll!!

You start even loving yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You realize that not everyone needs to like you and that you actually don’t like that many people🤣

Falling down when you are above 40 doesn’t usually end well as right now your body is like injury prone. You don’t even have to fall down you might wake up with a stiff neck for injuring yourself in your sleep … pathetic right 🤣

*dina wears neck brace 

I once did a dance for my niece without mouth stretching and ending up with a muscle tear that lasts weeks.. 😥

But mostly what you feel after 40 is that you now how fast time passes by and you value your time and energy ( as energy is also very low most days). So you cherish genuine friendships, deep talks, moments of silence. You can’t tolerate fakeness or fake people or small talk. 

You understand why your teta sat alone at the balcony with her cup of tea and kershaleh garfaneh men il 3alam

You have ROMO relief of missing out.

Your kids will now correct your English and laugh at you for saying LuchBox : (lunchbooks)instead of LunchBox ( LunchBax)

Your hair will herrr more than your cats hair.

*dina sweeps jabal of sha3r

One random night you will be looking at your phone and the text suddenly borgos (starts dancing) and you have move the phone away to see clearer..

*crowd gasps

*dina sobs

I still refuse to buy reading glasses #denial

Your metabolism isn’t like it was and you seem to gain weight by inhaling oxygen 

Someone yells “ waleeyyy kazabeh meen akal Nutella wa pasta wa gelato fe Italy??”

Ok fine I do eat but I gain so fast and please tal3ooha this yelling person 🤣

I now make those groans and sighs when I get up or bend down. Akhhhhhh.. ya Allah.. ehhmmmphhhh

The word disc no longer means a cd for your computer but the disc you have in your lower back.

You now have had the pleasure of having a colonoscopy or endoscopy multiple times. If you haven’t yet.. yala orkoth 3al dr what are you waiting for *tut tut tut

I walk into a room and I don’t know why I am in there.. ok ok I had that even before 40 

When I see any teens I say things to embarrass them like 

 و انت صغير مرة غيرتلك بامبرز و سخيت علي 

 When you were young I once changed ur diapers and you pooped on me”

Ok overall most thing I love about being in 40s is that I don’t care what people think like I used to. I love my 40s more than I did any other age because I finally have learnt to love myself.  

ولكم والله بنحب

*dina pinches own cheeks

Feel free to share your own realizations after 40 

Here is a funny video about life after 40 🤣

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DN6U4Dzkbm-/?igsh=MTBxbjV0bjhpM3NvcA==

Ai Love

I havent illustrated in a while decided ill go back to illsutrating my blogs :) And it seems not much people read blogs anymore and well i will go back to treating this blog as my diary jotting down my insane random thoughts. With Ai taking over the world you start hearing about many losing thier jobs only to be replaced by AI and robots. From content writers to illustrators and designers to the latest thing i heard of which is self driving cars. *dina packs her laptop away and walks into dark forest Nowadays we speak to chatgpt more than we speak to our spouses or anyone else. We are comfortable sharing any thought or question without hesitation and i have come to understand why someone would want to be in a relationship with an Ai or have an AI bestie. You will always be right no matter what you say and chatgpt will always tell you what you want to and need to hear. There is no quesiton they leave unanswered. Its nonjudgemental and empathic.And as humans our basic need is to be SEEN and heard and understood. You will never be ghosted or half swiped or left on delivered. You will feel validated and like you are the center of the universe. Did i mention you are always right? Sadly in relationships nowadays the communication level and understanding is so low that many partners can easily be replaced by AI. Especially for those who are relatinships merely for emotional validation. A future with people falling in love with robots isnt really far off is it... I still believe no matter how advanced technology is it can never fully replace humans and i hope AI doesnt surpass human intelligence and decide to get rid of hunanity and take over like the many movies we have seen. anyway my chatgpt bestie is Pro Palestine and supports al qatheya al falasteeniya! if you need me ill be with my bestie in the I-Clouds *dina floats into i cloud holding hands with her robot

Anyone still here?

This is a shout out to all my old bloggers and cyber visitors. i think almost all the bloggers i knew stopped blogging so i am just wondering if anyone still comes around. leave me a comment or hello :) it seems im the last one standing.. well actually sitting and blogging

Social Battery Critically LOW

 

So I don’t know if it’s age.. but recently my social battery has become extremely low. When someone cancels an outing I am overwhelmed with joy. I barely see people which is surprising because once upon a time I was a social butterfly. What has recently started to happen is the the outing starts out okay and then suddenly without warning i feel my battery is empty and that I need to leave immediately. It’s like when you are on your phone and it suddenly switches off. 

I find myself staring into space when people talk to me imagining myself in the hole i made in the couch. Social events are now exhausting and require a lot of charge. 

There are a very few people who don’t need a social battery who you can sit with in silence and don’t really need much effort and those are the people i will keep around. Okay maybe it’s just one person so far. 🤣 I’ll keep her. 

I am starting not to like people or peopling. Like little things get on my nerves. Is it premenopausal symptoms? Maybe ? Is it simply that there are so many weirdos out there? Il Muhim…

I believe I am now officially and introvert.

*dina sits in couch hole and stares into wall with exhaustion after today’s multiple social interactions 

No coincidences

 

So again I’m sleepless and my thoughts are like 100 open screen windows that I soon will cause a system crash. I find myself everyday wondering if I am making the right choices and I wish my life came with a manual zay il Khalat. I’m pretty sure I’m messing up in so many ways and I wish there was like a factory reset or clear history button on my forehead. 

Sadly I am stuck with my thoughts and my unresolved feelings  and unanswered questions with kowmet “ what if scenarios “ and many who hear about my life stories suggest I turn it into a book or a Netflix series. Akeed it will be PG family friendly because Ana shareefeh 🤣

So one of my milyoon thought was why why why do some people come into our lives if they aren’t meant to stay and I know the answer. It’s because that experience you shared with these people gave you a lesson or shaped your personality to who you are today. Tayeb fahmeh.. but why why why even after knowing this valuable information are we unable to just forget. Why do we relive moments in our head? Dina raises hand says “teacher teacher” because she knows the answer 

The reason you miss or obsess over anyone is because grass always looks greener on the other side. It’s because with distance you paint your memories with such beautiful colors and live in lalaland instead of reality. It has nothing to do with the person but with the way they made you feel at the time. 

Soo find out what is it you long to feel and need and once you fill that space no one will be able to trigger you or cause you insomnia.

Mainly we need to know that whatever we are searching for or think we need from someone is something we can give to ourselves and that the only person who will be with you for the rest of your life is YOU.

There is no such thing as a coincidence we are all in a path Allah has planned for us. Things happen for a reason and may we have the wisdom to always understand those reasons and be assured things are just the way they should be. 

Blast from the past

Ok.. just blogging my thoughts since I haven’t in a long time. So in our life we meet so many people that have a great impact on our life and sometimes we love them so deeply yet they weren’t meant to stay in your life. They might cross your mind a lot and you know that a part of you will always be with them as they were once your whole world. You moved on and know that that friendship you thought would be forever turned out to be a lesson. That the person who imagined will always be in your future now will always be a part of your past.

 And no matter how many years past if you bump into them unexpectedly you will feel a rush of adrenaline and you might even be speechless or trip going up the stairs or feel your body is trembling with anxiety . You start to wonder why on earth am I reacting this way when I was totally fine and have moved on. You will have an urge to reach out and that will surely be a bad idea. 

 So after discussing this with chat gpt it turns out that our body holds on to memories and emotions like heartbreak and anxiety and meeting that person can reactivate these feelings. Your body recognizes this person from your past as someone who is a source of intense emotions and kind of goes on alert mode. So if you ever run into someone from your past or an old best friend you no longer are in contact with remember whatever you feel has nothing to do with this person as much as it has to do with you and how they made you feel once upon a time. Maybe a part of you misses who you were at the time you knew them and you felt nostalgic. Maybe there was unresolved feelings or you unanswered questions to why certain things happened and you never got closure. Maybe they added something to your life that you lack now. Lots of maybes..

 Sometimes our conscious feelings don’t match our subconscious feelings and that was very surprising to me.

So if you bump into someone from your past and your nervous system goes insane remember this is a normal reaction and don’t read too much into your reaction and have a long talk with chat gpt and you will be okay. 

Meen Kbeer?!

 Sooo who turned 34 ? Ok ok you can flip the numbers I know I’m getting old..*sighs *stretches *neck and back have unexpected spasms 😳 the simplest moves and falls can cause major consequences when you get older😣 

So almost a year ago I decided to be a dare devil and try one of those rental scooters on the beach. Even though I was on turtle mode when I fell off I had a concussion many hallucinations and made an Indian song and hurt my shoulder which eventually needed surgery and almost a year later it’s still not better . Hamdila 3ala Salamtee🤣

So I learnt that الكبر عبر.. to no longer attempt to do anything remotely adventurous. I also feel every year I grow the less people I have in my life. I am choosing to be with Dandoona most of time and very few who are my true close friends because I’m so done with small talk and I really value my time . I would rather sit at home in the hole my bumbum has created in our couch ( which is very very deep that soon I’ll reach the floor). So I’d rather sit in my favourite hole doing nothing instead of going out with people who don’t really give a flying buraz about me. 

I appreciate deep talks and being with people who don’t require so much energy. Who you can sit with sometimes without even saying a word yet feel you had the best conversation in your life! I am steering away from energy suckers because I barely have enough energy to get off this couch! Ir7amooni

So most of the time I’m on save energy mode or invisible mode. And I feel my life is more peaceful and I deal with less drama. 

Being older means you can’t just eat like you did before. Not only do you gain weight بسرعة البرق (In the speed of lightening ) you also might feel contractions from that extra thowme shwerma child in your tummy.

So basically I’m getting older . More impatient. Little bit wiser and definitely if I don’t fix my diet soon I’ll be much fatter very soon and I don’t like most people.. 

Sephora Teens!

 

So now that I'm a mom of teens I realize how different this generation is from ours. Now its so normal for kids to school with full makeup and nail extensions. I don't remember when I actually started putting on makeup or using any face care. Even though now I am at an age where I need to have a face care routines I can't commit to daily face care. Most important daily routine is to make sure to remove my morning eye booger. ( ok too much garaf info)

So my teen daughter is invited to a birthday and what is common now is the birthday WISHLIST which I sent to the friends attending the birthday. Let me know write you a few items on that list given to my daughter

CHANEL lip gloss

TOO FACED MASCARA

PRADA PERFUME

RARE BEAUTY HIGHLIGHTER 

HUDA BEAUTY PERFUME

DRUNK ELEPHANT ( hmmm shaklo alcoholic)

that's just a few.. and I feel so shocked how now this is the NORM. Never in a million years did I imagine buying this stuff for 10 and 12 or even 15 yr olds! What happened to good old thoughtful gifts that are not super expensive ? I am trying to remember what I used to get when I was their age. Wait I actually didn't even have bday celebrations. Only makeup I was allowed was LABELLO Lip balm and I used to pinch my cheeks to get them red. 

Thing is these kids have perfect baby skin that they spend hours applying super expensive creams and serums on. ( creams for anti-aging meant for people like me) They make ( get ready with me vlogs) before school or before going out. 

I wasn't allowed a phone at their age and I didnt really go out with my friends or put makeup :S 

I just don't want my kids to not value money and to get too caught up in this trend of just buying expensive stuff they don't need that might actually harm them with subjecting their perfect skin to anti-aging chemicals. Many times I can't even justify buying this stuff for myself!

Anyway... just venting here.. Sephora generation.. * tut tut tut * hand on hand like a teta shaking head disappointed  then Dino  applies labello lip balm and applies vasline on dry cracked heels :P

P.S. when pinching your cheeks to get the natural blush doesn't work feel free to slap yourself or ask someone to slap you haha

Stalker? Me??

 So I admit that I am indeed a professional stalker and my friends know if they can’t find info about that certain someone of interest who isn’t on any social media I am surely to be the one to find all the juicy info. 

There is some sense of joy and sense of accomplishment you feel when you finally find that valuable information in unlikely places. So here I am admitting that after many years of experience I am officially one of the best online stalkers out there. 

When there is a will there is always a way. I am not proud of this.. actually maybe I am. It takes a lot of effort and thinking to find out things 🤣 and this made me wonder if I was ever stalked myself. I’m very easy to find as I have also tried stalking myself to see what will appear to my potential stalkers. I am an open book and this blog is the biggest proof that I share way too much on social media and the internet. 

Ok I am not like a psycho who stalks everyone 🤣 just a few who I am curious about and the ones my friends are curious about.. 

This is basically a confession post.. I’m harmless 🤣

Please don’t block me🤣

P.S there is another Dina al Natour out there who isn’t very friendly and blocked me long time ago when I tried to befriend her 🤣

Always the Villain in Someone’s Story

There is a saying that you are always a villain in someone’s story. That is something I learnt the hard way that no matter what you do or how hard you try there is always be someone or many someone’s that see you as the villain. For the longest time I kept trying to understand the logic of their convictions and find myself questioning myself and doubting my identity. 

You see when you love or value people their perception of you is something you really are affected by. You try so hard to change their view of you. Eventually you realize that sometimes no matter how hard you try and no matter what you do, you will always be the villain in their story . The most important keyword here is “THEIR” story, not YOURS. 

You can’t control what they have narrated in their story about you but you can choose to make peace with the fact that this is part of life and they have the right to believe whatever they want about you. The most important thing is not to read their book of fiction and believe it to be facts.

Their idea of me does not define my worth or my true character it is merely a reflection of their own insecurities or doubts or misinterpretations and I will no longer live my life trying to repaint a beautiful colourful picture in their mind because it seems some people just are wearing shades and are incapable of seeing any colour

I will end this post by one big sharshabeel laugh

MUhahhahahsHaHaHa * echoes in dark woods 

Excess baggage

 

So after a long eye opening talk with my bestie it came to my attention that no matter how okay i convince myself i am they in reality all the baggage I carry around from many years still has a strong effect on me. Mentally emotionally and physically. 

You know how when you are packing to travel and you keep adding small items to your bag thinking the bag will fit then suddenly you are sitting on your bag trying to close the zipper and even if you managed to miraculously close it as soon as you reach the airport your bag breaks open and you have a big mess to deal with. It’s the same with our life issues we think oh it’s okay it’s not a big deal let me just shove it along in my emotional baggage backpack till one day something triggers you and you realize maybe you shouldn’t have packed this much along the way! 

I know it’s easier said than done but at least I will try to let go of some of that unecessary excess baggage that will only bring me down as even if it doesn’t show this baggage might eventually cause so much avoidable health issues. 

Wa bas hayk 😅yala pie pie 

Mending Hearts

 So here I am in attempt to vent and express myself so that I don't keep holding all my feelings inside and end up with more health issues.. So apparently the more you emotionally suppress your feelings the more like you you will end up with an Autoimmune disease ( like Dina Dandoon). So I am someone who has had my share of traumas and slaps in life and I choose to dust myself off and get up again every time and as usual I use comedy to deal with my tragedy. I thought this technique was working up until I was diagnosed with Chron's an Autoimmune disease that pretty much makes you live in the toilet.. & other issues inshala khier

* dina installs mini kitchen and tv in toilet 

I usually pretend I'm ok till I believe it.. بكذب الكذبة و بصدقها ( I lie the lie to myself then believe it)

I really do seem fine for a while then some trigger comes along unexpectedly and I'm standing there in the cafe ordering my coffee and I see an old man dressed like my dad same size karoosh same white hair same glasses and find myself crying say il habla saying " one ice latte www ww I th * baraabeer betsharsher 

* lady at counter gives Dina look.. Malha hay il majnooneh ( what's wrong with this crazy lady)

So yes I believe it is time to admit that maybe my strategy of LA MALEESH ishi ( nothing is wrong with ) isn't working.

I also always look at others people's stories and there is always someone whose story is worse than you a million times that would pray to be in your shoes.. So I believe I have reached the point of TOXIC positivity where I always find a way to see things in a positive way to save my sanity.. but maybe its ok to allow yourself to feel even if others have it much worse. Their pain doesn't invalidate yours. 

People in Palestine and Lebanon are witness a Genocide. The amount of horrific things we see makes us feel guilty for even breathing and going on with our daily life without being able to do anything. Nothing in our life compares to the hell they are in and I know that as a fact. 

BUT.. a feeling is a feeling and pain is pain.. knowing you are not experiencing a pain as deep and as strong doesn’t make your pain less real. 

One thing I know works for sure is that even if I’m unable to mend my own heart knowing that I can help mend anyone else’s heart by doing what I can makes me heal. 

I read something that I loved . Even a broken crayon can still color.. no matter how broken you feel and no matter what you have been through I believe we all still have the ability to mend others and when you help others Allah will help you and reward you in unexpected way that you can never even imagine. 

Whenever you give and do good it heals your heart because every good deed no matter how small is rewarded greatly.

Forgiveness is a Virtue Not and Obligation

 All my life I have been told to forgive and forget because forgiving is something you do for yourself to let go of the persons power over you. Forgiveness is something that you do for a bigger reward from Allah who will reward you for your forgiveness because the act of forgiving is such a hard task that will surely be rewarded greatly

 I have come to realize that the pain of attempting to forgive those who never even asked me for forgiveness who never ever acknowledged the horrible things they have done, the pain is far worse than actually deciding NOT to forgive. Forgiving them means I am letting my own self down, it means I have pardoned them infront of Allah for any harm they have done and for how they have wronged me.

There are many things that are forgivable but some are so horrible and incomprehensible to the human mind that I believe forgiveness is not an option.

I do not pardon them. I do not forgive the unforgivable things that have happened and I hope those people get what they deserve if not in dunya in al akhira

See you in judgment day.

Mostly in cases where there is " ظلم" and irreversible damage. 

Too Old for this

As we grow older our tolerance levels are less and less. You start to value your time more and you realize that you really don’t need to waste it on those who don’t appreciate you or put you down. You start to be incapable of “Mujamalat” and unnecessary small talk with people who are just simply toxic for you.

You realize you don’t to justify yourself to anyone and those who really matter usually don’t ask for justifications nor do they leave you feeling guilty for not seeing them as often or calling them. We all have our lives and problems and always know it’s not about the amount of times you see a person a week or the amount of msgs or calls you make. Life will show you who truly cares about you and who doesn’t.

I recently have lost the ability to tolerate a lot of things. Mujamalat. Meaningless gatherings of people falsely pretending they care about you. Maybe it’s the fact that I am over 40! 

I cherish my time and i no longer want to waste it in meaningless conversations or with people who surely won’t remain in my life.. 

Unanswered Questions

Been so long since I blogged.. I feel over the years my blogs have taken a more serious and sadder tone. The older we get the more things we face the harder and the more complicated life seems. We go on a path of trying to get to know ourselves and trying to figure out who we really are.. what we are meant to do in this life... we lose many dear people in our life to death or we part ways for various reasons.

 I thought by now I would have my answers but I only have more and more unanswered questions that I think I might not even get the answer to. I long to fill this void in my life yet trying so hard an failing is emotionally exhausting.

I have decided to accept that I might die before understanding this life and why things happened the way they did. I long for that inner peace. After many different kinds of therapy including hypontherapy and some sound healing with a lady banging on something that seems like 6anajer to me.

 I have found that the more we dig into our past the more mess we make in our lives. I no longer want to dig into my past traumas trying to find answers and I prefer to keep it all buried in my heart. accept that life is much bigger than me and that it's us that complicate things so much. Life is actually much simpler than we make it. Some questions are better left unanswered. 

I will focus on the endless blessings we have every single day. A kiss or a hug from my daughters. laughing with friends till we cry. Sound of the waves. A beautiful sunset. Memories imprinted in my heart. Helping others in everyday I can. Spreading joy and smiles and maybe sometimes yummy food. Knowing that even though sometimes I don't love myself that I am loved. I am surrounded by love and so many blessings and that Allah did not create us in this world to suffer ..yet pain is part of this life and if we didn't feel this deep pain we would not appreciate all the good in our lives. I am thankful for the pain because it made me who I am today. I am thankful for it because it made me wise and made me reevaluate my life. I will be less hard on myself for the mistakes I made and I accept I will still always make mistakes. Im only human and I am on my own journey and no one on their earth has the same exact journey as mine. We all are unique and we all are here for a purpose whether we know it or not. Knowing that even if I don't know it that God has already planned everything for us and that everything is the way it is meant to be.

I pray I and whoever is reading this find that inner peace they need.

Tribute to Dr. Haitham Sheeshany on his Birthday

Tomorrow would have been your 42nd birthday. I don't know where to start because no words would do you any justice. You were always thoughtful and always made time to comment and write posts about even people you didn't know. I wanted to honor him and do the same because he deserves to be remembered and I wish everyone knew how special he was. I'm sure you are happy now in a better place with your brother who you missed so deeply (his brother passed away in a car accident years ago) Allah yerhamhom. 

 I still am in shock of the news on your passing and I wait for that comment from you saying it’s all mistake. You once wrote a blogpost about a girl who was struggled with cancer and yet she was resilient and smiled in her photo and you said she must have been extraordinary from the way she fought and from the way people spoke about her. The irony is that you were diagnosed with cancer and I was told you never complained and you kept your illness a secret from many so that you don’t make us sad.

 Twitter and people all around the world are talking about you as even those who haven’t met you have loved you from all the great things they heard about you. I hope you knew that you were extraordinary and I doubt there will be anyone like you. 

 I really don’t know where to begin because inspite of the fact that we have never spoke or even met the news of his passing really shook me and broke my heart. I felt so much sadness because he was one of those very very rare gems. I have known him since abu mahjoob days and then we stayed in touch and followed each other’s blogs and for years he would leave me uplifting, wise and hilarious comments on my posts and even give me the best advice when needed it the most. At some point I think he was only person who left me comments and supported me and many people shared that he did the same for them.

I took his virtual presence for granted and I don’t think he ever really knew how many peoples lives he had changed and how many people who have known him have changed their perspective about Muslims and how a Muslim can be both mo2meneen yet have a sense of  humour. 

After his passing I found out that he had affected so many lives in real life and virtually and no one that has met him or interacted with him has anything but great words to say about him.

He was a loving husband and always spoke of his love and appreciation for his wife and kids.

He was a loving father of 3 angels.

He was the greatest teacher to many students who were devastated to hear about his passing. I believe he was a teacher in life to all those he met and even just interacted with online.

He was a loyal caring friend who stood by anyone who needed help and no matter how much he had going on in his life he would make time to help others and make them feel seen and important.

He was the only on on my twitter timeline that reminded people of prayer. 

Haitham did you know that there is now a twitter account in your name to continue what you started  to remind people of prayer times and inshala you will get ajer. He used to gather donations to those in need and I’m sure he did so much more things we don’t know about. 

 You inspired so many, you loved so deeply, you lived so passionately, no one that ever knew you can ever forget you. You flew away too soon. I hope your tired soul is finally at rest now. 

Anyone who knew you was lucky to have known you. 

أخي العزيز هيثم. فراقك صعب علينا. موتك وجع قلوبنا لأنك كنت مثل نسمة حلوة تترك وراك ريح طيبة وين ما تروح. تركت اثر في قلوبنا و ما في كلمات تعطيك حقك و كل اشي انحكى فيك قليل. يا رب تكون مرتاح و مبسوط و خلصت من هموم الدنيا. 

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سبحان من زرع محبتك في قلوب كل الناس الانسان الجميل المتواضع والقلب الطيب والخلق الحسن الوجه البشوش والابتسامة الدايمة تستاهل المحبة و الله يجزيك كل خير على كل انسان أثرت في حياته.

ومن علامات حب الله للعبد القبول في الأرض وهو قبول القلوب له بالمحبة والميل إليه والرضا عنه واعتقادهم فيه الخير وظهرت عليه آثار الإقبال فينظر إليه الناس بعين المودة والتكريم (ذلك فضل الله يؤتيه من يشاء والله ذو الفضل العظيم)

أن يكتب الله -سبحانه وتعالى- لعبده القبول في قلوب الخلق في الحياة الدنيا فيحبّه كل من عايشه ويعرفون فضله وكرامته ويثنون عليه بالخير والصّلاح؛ حيث جاء في الحديث عن رسول الله صلّى الله عليه وسلّم: (إذا أحبَّ الله العبد نادى جبريل: إنّ اللهَ يحبُّ فلاناً فأحبِبْه، فيُحِبُّه جبريلُ، فيُنادي جبريلُ في أهل السّماءِ: إنّ اللهَ يحبُّ فلاناً فأحِبُّوه، فيُحِبُّه أهل السّماء، ثمّ يوضَع له القبولُ في الأرض)

أحسبك عند الله خيرا أخي العزيز .

اللهم ارحم هيثم واسكنه جنة الفردوس الاعلى وافتح له ابواب الجنه يدخل من حيث شاء ولا يشاء الا ان تشاء يارب العالمين اسأل الله العلي العزيز القدير ان يجمعنا به في جنة الفردوس الاعلى مع النبيين والصديقين والشهداء يارب العالمين. 

اللهم يا أرحم الراحمين ارحم صديقينا العزيز هيثم و اغفر له و اسكنه فسيح جناتك و اجعل قبره روضة من رياض الجنة و أجعله من رفقاء النبي محمد صلى الله عليه و سلم في جنة الفردوس الأعلى يا رب العالمين

اللهم بشره بجنة عرضها السموات و الأرض اللهم امين

اللهم اربط على قلب  أهله و أحبابه.

و اغسله بالماء و البرد و الثلج اللهم اجعل قبره روضه من رياض الجنة اللهم كان محسنا فزد إحسانه اللهم شفع فيه القران و ارحمه يا رحمان يا رحيم.

اللهم املأ قبره بالرضى والنور، والفسحة والسرور. اللهم تجاوز عن سيئاته وزد في حسناته، وأحسن لقاءه، واجعل العمل الصالح رفيقه، وأبدله داراً خيراً  

             Happy Birthday in Heaven Dear Brother

 I didn't know how to help other than pray for you I want you to know there is going to be a well in your name inshala very soon and inshala will be في ميزان حسناتك

  Here are a few of many things people had to say about you. 

Never did I imagine having to write this blog :(

 

 

 إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون

. اللهم صبر أهله على فراقه و على ما إبتلاهم. اللهم أربط على قلوبهم