So here I am in attempt to vent and express myself so that I don't keep holding all my feelings inside and end up with more health issues.. So apparently the more you emotionally suppress your feelings the more like you you will end up with an Autoimmune disease ( like Dina Dandoon). So I am someone who has had my share of traumas and slaps in life and I choose to dust myself off and get up again every time and as usual I use comedy to deal with my tragedy. I thought this technique was working up until I was diagnosed with Chron's an Autoimmune disease that pretty much makes you live in the toilet.. & other issues inshala khier
* dina installs mini kitchen and tv in toilet
I usually pretend I'm ok till I believe it.. بكذب الكذبة و بصدقها ( I lie the lie to myself then believe it)
I really do seem fine for a while then some trigger comes along unexpectedly and I'm standing there in the cafe ordering my coffee and I see an old man dressed like my dad same size karoosh same white hair same glasses and find myself crying say il habla saying " one ice latte www ww I th * baraabeer betsharsher
* lady at counter gives Dina look.. Malha hay il majnooneh ( what's wrong with this crazy lady)
So yes I believe it is time to admit that maybe my strategy of LA MALEESH ishi ( nothing is wrong with ) isn't working.
I also always look at others people's stories and there is always someone whose story is worse than you a million times that would pray to be in your shoes.. So I believe I have reached the point of TOXIC positivity where I always find a way to see things in a positive way to save my sanity.. but maybe its ok to allow yourself to feel even if others have it much worse. Their pain doesn't invalidate yours.
People in Palestine and Lebanon are witness a Genocide. The amount of horrific things we see makes us feel guilty for even breathing and going on with our daily life without being able to do anything. Nothing in our life compares to the hell they are in and I know that as a fact.
BUT.. a feeling is a feeling and pain is pain.. knowing you are not experiencing a pain as deep and as strong doesn’t make your pain less real.
One thing I know works for sure is that even if I’m unable to mend my own heart knowing that I can help mend anyone else’s heart by doing what I can makes me heal.
I read something that I loved . Even a broken crayon can still color.. no matter how broken you feel and no matter what you have been through I believe we all still have the ability to mend others and when you help others Allah will help you and reward you in unexpected way that you can never even imagine.
Whenever you give and do good it heals your heart because every good deed no matter how small is rewarded greatly.
