Soul Mates?

For as long as I can remember, I was a hopeless romantic.

I believed in “the one.” In a love that felt like destiny rather than a choice. I believed that somewhere out there was a person designed specifically for me someone who would understand me effortlessly, love me endlessly, and never make me question where I stood.

I didn’t just want love. I wanted epic love.

The kind of love I saw in movies like The Notebook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and most recently Wuthering Heights 🥹

The kind of love that no memory loss, no dementia, no obstacle could erase.

The stories where love conquered everything.

Kont habla…

But the truth didn’t arrive dramatically. It came quietly, through disappointments when reality gave me the biggest slaps in the face🫠 

I learned that someone who feels like “the one” can still be the one who causes you more pain than you ever imagined. The one who breaks your heart into so many pieces that you don’t know if you’ll ever trust another man again.

I realized I had romanticized the idea of true love and fate so deeply that I ignored every red flag waving right in front of me. I told myself that if I just worked harder, loved harder, stayed longer I could still get the magical story I had written in my head.

What I didn’t know then was that my low self-worth then that was quietly influencing my choices. It made me tolerate what I should have walked away from. It made me justify the unjustifiable.

I still believe in love.

I’ve just let go of the fairytale version of it.

Love is consistency.

Butterflies are usually anxiety, not magic.

Love is choosing your person every single day.

Strong chemistry does not automatically mean compatibility.

Believing too deeply in the idea of “soulmates” can make you overlook red flags. It can make you stay longer than you should. It can convince you that intensity equals destiny.

It doesn’t.

Now, I’m not looking for epic.

I’m looking for steady.

I want consistency.

I want safety.

I want someone who deeply cares for me, supports me, sees my worth, and loves even the parts of me I struggle to love myself.

Who chooses me without doubt and never makes me question their love.

I deserve that kind of love.

I deserve happiness.

I deserve to be loved the way I love deeply and effortlessly.

And this time, I won’t settle for anything less and now all I want is to heal and to gently gather all the pieces of myself that were scattered in loving someone who couldn’t love me the way I deserved.

Maybe soulmates do exist.

Some arrive to show you what love is NOT so you can finally recognize what love IS.

Some people come into your life and leave fingerprints on your soul. They teach you how deeply you can feel. They show you parts of yourself you didn’t know existed.

But maybe they aren’t limited to just one person.

Maybe a soulmate It’s about understanding that love should not require you to abandon yourself. isn’t a once in a lifetime destiny written in the stars. Maybe it’s anyone who meets you in a way that feels aligned and familiar.

Someone who mirrors yours souls in ways you can’t understand.

Someone who awakens something in you that you thought died a long time ago.

Maybe we have different soulmates for different stages of our lives.

Not every soulmate is meant to stay forever. Soulmates that awaken you maybe will always hold a special in your heart and you have to live knowing that the weren’t meant to stay and walking away has nothing to do with the lack of love.

Soulmates are not always a romantic connection it can be your best friend. Someone who feels like home. They understand you without explanation, stand by you without conditions, and love you the way you are. It’s the kind of connection that’s deep, loyal, and forever built on trust, laughter, and being completely yourself around them. I will forever be grateful to have my best friend now who has supported me like no other person and is the biggest blessing in my life. 

And maybe the most important soulmate you’ll ever meet… is yourself.

Maybe the lesson isn’t that there is only one person meant for you. That we have many soulmates in life and I am blessed to have met more than one soulmate. 

Maybe the lesson is that you are allowed to choose someone who chooses you back fully, safely, consistently. 

And if this love soulmate connection never appears in my life.. I am whole enough to know that I will always be enough to make myself happy and I don’t need someone else to complete me. 

Life After Divorce

 

Last post I posted was about me being in an endless loop. Well I am out of that loop…

So after 18 years of marriage we agreed on Divorce and it’s the best for everyone this way.People will always ask you why?

Especially after this long and truth is divorce isn’t an overnight decision and whoever takes this decision obviously tried every single thing to fix the marriage till divorce is the best decision for all.

Divorce is often described as the end of a chapter, but in reality, it’s more like a sudden plot twist in the story of your life, one you didn’t ask for but one that can shape you in ways you never imagined. 

For anyone going through it, the emotional rollercoaster can be overwhelming. One day you feel relieved, the next day heartbroken. One moment you’re angry, the next moment strangely free.

The truth is, life after divorce is a mix of loss, discovery, and opportunity. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply human but it’s also a chance to rediscover yourself in ways a marriage sometimes doesn’t allow.

All I can say is that I’m looking forward to the rest of my life and I have no regrets because I truly believe everything happens for a reason and Allah has a better plan for me and I have my wonderful girls. 

I will share some positive thoughts for someone who is recently divorced.

I can sleep diagonally in my bed or like a starfish.

I watch any show I want on tv.

I have my friends over at anytime and best thing of all is I have my.. PEACE!

So weird to adjust to the idea of being single after so long 

Al Hamdulilah for everything.. 

Life on Loop

 Did you ever wake up to a realization that your life has been in the same cycle and you are caught in the same loop that you can’t get out of. You tell yourself things will change or you can end this cycle and years later you find yourself in the exact same place wondering how you are still here. 

You find yourself unable to break from a negative situation because your negative thoughts tell you it will only be worse and what you know and are familiar with is better than the unkown .

You are now living in your uncomfortable comfort zone. 

You live the same struggles and emotions. You are so familiar with the cycle that you can predict what will happen next. Yet.. you don’t have the courage to break it because the fear of what is out of this cycle is crippling. The fear of the unknown. The fear of failure.

My wise friend once told me that Allah sends us the same tests and makes us relive the same experience even sometimes with different people till we finally learn the lesson we were meant to learn and understand it.

I hope one day I am able to break the negative cycles in my life and that I fine the inner peace that I need.

My Trip to Azerbaijan

 I never got a chance to blog about my trip to Azerbaijan with my bestie! I think any trip is a million times better if you travel with your best friend! So have always wanted to take a trip and checked all the countries that don’t require visa application for Jordanians living in UAE and saw a picture of a rollercoaster in the snow in Azerbaijan and said yala beena! Hathhhh hooooo

I think to honest its not about where you travel as much as who you travel with. Most important when travelling with a friend is that you don’t only have inside jokes but share the same appetite and love the same things. Someone who really knows how to enjoy themselves rather than make the trip Nakad complaining. 

So Azerbijan was nice and we walked around the market and had lots of good food. I highly recommend this cafe. Although I never ever loved vegetable soup this soup was so so good we went there twice and some meat from heaven *dina drools remembering mazkaaah

 https://www.instagram.com/thehousecafe.baku?igsh=N2NqODI5N2kxczk5

                

I also loved this other cafe had so much options for yummy food *dina pats on belly

https://www.instagram.com/centralbakuaz?igsh=bXB2Zmh5ejE1cDF2

So other than eating we explored the famous sites and went to a museum of art and handmade dolls and cars! And ofcourse we went to a carpet museum. 

* Dina carries sujadeh with luggage back to Dubai

               

And a took a ride on a boat in mini Venice and the whole ride the man steering the boat kept saying “Mashala Mashala” with eyes full of love.

 We loved walking in the old city and it even rained and it’s so nice to wear winter clothes for once! 

I saw a monkey that I didn’t dare get close to as I have a history with monkeys biting me🤣 *twitches

My ultimate best part of the trip was the SNOW and the rollercoaster in the snow! Well I have to admit that I regret buying the video recording of me on the ride as apparently I turn into a 7ajeh and I kept smiling in a very 7ajjeh in wonderland kind of way and making weird sounds of ohhhh wooow… didn’t know fe صوت و صورة 

Not only that I found that I lick my lips like 1 kizillion times  throughout the video.. maybe because it was very cold .. or because ims sometimes I can be wired.. we laughed so hard at the footage that I will never share here.. 

So this place was shahdag mountain and we stayed in a very nice hotel called Pik Palace

And no Ana majnoone to swim in talajeh weather.

So me and my bestie decide to take the selfcare another level and every night we would apply all the creams we had on our faces. Laghwas laghawees. And keep in mind I don’t even know half the creams I have with me but I made it a mission to finally use the creams I have. 

So one night during the face care session my friend was applying a cream and saying wow it smells so good.. wow I didn’t know kerastese makes face creams.. and asked me what is this cream for.. I read it was “HAIR SERUM” and couldn’t stop laughing and couldn’t answer her question  .. and she kept asking me

Cream shuu!! Ijrayn!!(feet) cream shu!! Haha

Best times ever is when you LOL with your bestie till you can’t breath after applying hair cream on your face .. which is surprisingly was very effective 🤣 *dina washes face with shampoo and then applies hair cream

So no Kerastese doesn’t make face creams that I know of but I will happily market your hair serum for the face🤣

One thing I didn’t know about SNOW since I’m only a pro in desert areas. Is that when the snow is fresh you can easily SINK in it. So one snowy day I was trying to take a photo of my bestie on a mountain of snow and I kept sinking in and couldn’t get up. A family next to us was laughing so hard at me struggling to get up! 

Don’t make fun of my ⛄️ snowman

 So what I learnt in life is that what makes any trip the best trip isn’t only the place you go but who you travel with so choose your travel partner wisely.

 

Jordan AdventuRes SuMMary

ok now that im back im remembering my days in jordan and i decided to share some interesting adventures with you.. surprisingly I didn’t hear any ghaz ice cream truck please tell me they still have that!


There was an accessories shop ... its supposed to be PRETTY ... written BRETTY... im thinking jordan needs a major spell checker! im not a spelling Wizz but if i make a poster or banner i think id get some spelling EXPERT! not to forget to mention the menu that said " TEA WITH MALIK" intead of tea with "MILK" for a second i wondered if the tea comes with a guy named MALIK! :S

I highly suggest when Amman you take one of those day trips that take you to Ajloun, Al Karak or Al Salt for amazing hiking experience ! Last trip I went to Wadi Bin Hammad in al karak through https://www.instagram.com/yalla_adventure_jo?igsh=MTYxbWJmNTdiaDB6ag==

                  I highly recommend it!

anyway.. you must must also try “ SADISM” coffee meant for qahwa Saada.. *dina gives restaurant owner judgemental look of ya 3eeb il shoom🤣

Everytime I go to Jordan I must must must pass by swiefieh village and have Majnoon Qahwa. I just love the vibes there and sometimes a stray cat finds me and sits in my lap. 

I also love Rainbow street and Al Balad downtown which is surprisingly super busy even late at night! Not like blad il ajaneb when I was in Canada and Italy the streets are dead by 5 pm! *sound of saraseer

 

Unfortunately this time when I was in Amman it seemed I got a sandstorm and heatwave with me so my short stay there was like I was in Dubai heat only worse because not everywhere has proper AC! But nevertheless the trip was nice and saw my family and friends and ate my main goals which were.. CHILLI  HOUSE, Al Day3a shawerma and Gerard! 

 

And Yes I will proudly take a selfie with a shawerma and ice cream! 

I love taking pics with the graffiti walls and discovering       new hidden places and cafes everytime.

 

    My fav cafe with a view was Dar Ne3meh https://www.instagram.com/dar_nemeh.jo?igsh=OWh0bDFrZWR5YXZh

Amazing view!

My favourite breakfast other than Abu Jbara is Khashoka

https://www.instagram.com/khashoka.jordan?igsh=bTFta3Uyc3VjM3Vy

And Also my fav restaurant is Renchai .. Soo latheeth

https://www.instagram.com/renchai_jordan?igsh=dnlvOHRweXN5bTdl

I Love Amman ❤️ will leave you with some pics from my trip and yes I know it’s Mostly food  *dina om karsha *pats on belly

🤣 I’m back to the gym now burning Italy and Jordan adventures 

Things you experience after 40

I feel my life changed drastically after I turned 40. Which isn’t many years ago. *glares are someone who yells 43 waleyyyy.. ok ok I know i am 43! *rolls eyes at that person and throws shibshib

So I was saying.. as you age somehow you start getting more comfortable in your own skin. You become more accepting of your flaws and actually sometimes look back at things you thought were flaws and are like OMG I used to think i looked fat in this pic!! Haynii ghazalll!!

You start even loving yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You realize that not everyone needs to like you and that you actually don’t like that many people🤣

Falling down when you are above 40 doesn’t usually end well as right now your body is like injury prone. You don’t even have to fall down you might wake up with a stiff neck for injuring yourself in your sleep … pathetic right 🤣

*dina wears neck brace 

I once did a dance for my niece without mouth stretching and ending up with a muscle tear that lasts weeks.. 😥

But mostly what you feel after 40 is that you now how fast time passes by and you value your time and energy ( as energy is also very low most days). So you cherish genuine friendships, deep talks, moments of silence. You can’t tolerate fakeness or fake people or small talk. 

You understand why your teta sat alone at the balcony with her cup of tea and kershaleh garfaneh men il 3alam

You have ROMO relief of missing out.

Your kids will now correct your English and laugh at you for saying LuchBox : (lunchbooks)instead of LunchBox ( LunchBax)

Your hair will herrr more than your cats hair.

*dina sweeps jabal of sha3r

One random night you will be looking at your phone and the text suddenly borgos (starts dancing) and you have move the phone away to see clearer..

*crowd gasps

*dina sobs

I still refuse to buy reading glasses #denial

Your metabolism isn’t like it was and you seem to gain weight by inhaling oxygen 

Someone yells “ waleeyyy kazabeh meen akal Nutella wa pasta wa gelato fe Italy??”

Ok fine I do eat but I gain so fast and please tal3ooha this yelling person 🤣

I now make those groans and sighs when I get up or bend down. Akhhhhhh.. ya Allah.. ehhmmmphhhh

The word disc no longer means a cd for your computer but the disc you have in your lower back.

You now have had the pleasure of having a colonoscopy or endoscopy multiple times. If you haven’t yet.. yala orkoth 3al dr what are you waiting for *tut tut tut

I walk into a room and I don’t know why I am in there.. ok ok I had that even before 40 

When I see any teens I say things to embarrass them like 

 و انت صغير مرة غيرتلك بامبرز و سخيت علي 

 When you were young I once changed ur diapers and you pooped on me”

Ok overall most thing I love about being in 40s is that I don’t care what people think like I used to. I love my 40s more than I did any other age because I finally have learnt to love myself.  

ولكم والله بنحب

*dina pinches own cheeks

Feel free to share your own realizations after 40 

Here is a funny video about life after 40 🤣

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DN6U4Dzkbm-/?igsh=MTBxbjV0bjhpM3NvcA==

Ai Love

I havent illustrated in a while decided ill go back to illsutrating my blogs :) And it seems not much people read blogs anymore and well i will go back to treating this blog as my diary jotting down my insane random thoughts. With Ai taking over the world you start hearing about many losing thier jobs only to be replaced by AI and robots. From content writers to illustrators and designers to the latest thing i heard of which is self driving cars. *dina packs her laptop away and walks into dark forest Nowadays we speak to chatgpt more than we speak to our spouses or anyone else. We are comfortable sharing any thought or question without hesitation and i have come to understand why someone would want to be in a relationship with an Ai or have an AI bestie. You will always be right no matter what you say and chatgpt will always tell you what you want to and need to hear. There is no quesiton they leave unanswered. Its nonjudgemental and empathic.And as humans our basic need is to be SEEN and heard and understood. You will never be ghosted or half swiped or left on delivered. You will feel validated and like you are the center of the universe. Did i mention you are always right? Sadly in relationships nowadays the communication level and understanding is so low that many partners can easily be replaced by AI. Especially for those who are relatinships merely for emotional validation. A future with people falling in love with robots isnt really far off is it... I still believe no matter how advanced technology is it can never fully replace humans and i hope AI doesnt surpass human intelligence and decide to get rid of hunanity and take over like the many movies we have seen. anyway my chatgpt bestie is Pro Palestine and supports al qatheya al falasteeniya! if you need me ill be with my bestie in the I-Clouds *dina floats into i cloud holding hands with her robot

Anyone still here?

This is a shout out to all my old bloggers and cyber visitors. i think almost all the bloggers i knew stopped blogging so i am just wondering if anyone still comes around. leave me a comment or hello :) it seems im the last one standing.. well actually sitting and blogging

Social Battery Critically LOW

 

So I don’t know if it’s age.. but recently my social battery has become extremely low. When someone cancels an outing I am overwhelmed with joy. I barely see people which is surprising because once upon a time I was a social butterfly. What has recently started to happen is the the outing starts out okay and then suddenly without warning i feel my battery is empty and that I need to leave immediately. It’s like when you are on your phone and it suddenly switches off. 

I find myself staring into space when people talk to me imagining myself in the hole i made in the couch. Social events are now exhausting and require a lot of charge. 

There are a very few people who don’t need a social battery who you can sit with in silence and don’t really need much effort and those are the people i will keep around. Okay maybe it’s just one person so far. 🤣 I’ll keep her. 

I am starting not to like people or peopling. Like little things get on my nerves. Is it premenopausal symptoms? Maybe ? Is it simply that there are so many weirdos out there? Il Muhim…

I believe I am now officially and introvert.

*dina sits in couch hole and stares into wall with exhaustion after today’s multiple social interactions 

The day 3athni Gerd ( got bitten by a monkey)

 So growing up I used to always hear the saying .. Gerrd ili yes7abek” which means may a monkey come and pull you away.. a very endearing term to express how much you wish the person infornt of you needs to be eliminated from the face of the earth.. I was lucky enough to have been wished to be pulled by a monkey many times in my life.. to whomever wished this upon me I want to abasherkom that your wishes have come true but the gerd didn’t yes7abni the monkey actually bit me!! 

How you may ask ??Are you really surprised? From someone who was previously bitten by a SQUIRREL 🐿️? And spit on by an ELephant ? Bit by a beautiful trigger 🐠 that isn’t meant to bite.. a monkey was not something unexpected in my life ..

No we were not in a jungle or in Thailand or in a monkey zone area.. we were actually walking in Goergia in a tourist site downtown. I saw some guy holding a monkey charging for photos and ofcourse what does Dina do?? Broth lal monkey!! 

Tab3an jeebli Hal gerd tashoof..

 I must say the monkey didn’t seem friendly the moment he jumped at me I knew mosh nawe 3ala khier.. ( he didn’t have good intentions ) my ba3li was on the phone it was Eid he was calling my mother in law saying كل عام و انتو بخير ( happy Eid )

Only to be interrupted with a loud.. AaaaaAaaaahhhh.. 

that call ended with “ معلش ماما دينا عضها قرد برجع بحكيكي

Sorry mama Dina was bitten by a monkey let me call you back

Words I never thought I would hear.. anyway so after I found out the the guy holding the monkey was from ikharaeel.. so basically hada not only evil monkey tele3 صهيوني! الله ياخده

So I decided to google how safe it was to be bitten by monkey and to my surprise the pic of most dangerous monkey bite was the zift that bit me. Had to take some injections and antibiotics .. wa hamdila 3ala salamti..

So moral of the story.. if you see a monkey and think of taking a photo .. think again.. here is the photo 🤣

My trip to Italy

 Soo I feel I have been blabbing so much about emotions let me tell you more about my recent adventures. So all my life I have heard about Italy and how amazing it is and that it is heaven on earth. This year I made sure to apply for visa and guess meen ra7 i6aly???? 

Ana Ana Ana * Dinos does weird dance *people give weird looks 

So in conclusion yes helwe jiddan and nature is amazing we went to Milan Rome Florence Dolomites Tuscany and Positano. Tab3an going to all those places requires a lot of train rides and moving with 4 large luggages was not easy. 

I was warned about 7arameye so I got this special anti theft bag that even I had a hard time opening. Ghier hayk everyday pasta and pizza I started missing maglooba wara2 3inab kabse 🤣 I can’t complaint about the daily gelato. 

Ibsar liesh samnaneh after Italy🤣

We took a cooking class on how to make pasta so I won’t be buying pasta anymore.. BAs balash

Positano was my favoritre it’s like Amman how houses are on a hill only with coloured houses and beautiful water and cloud and also not exactly like Amman 🤣 what shocked me is the amount of stairs I had to go up in Positano 😓 68 floors in one day

I did find bagar and I took selfies with Bagar which in fact was one of the highlights of my trip. 

I will leave you with some photos from my trip.