Segreg@tion Mode

Have u ever felt the need to be alone? A need to just to have ur space. I usually get that need when im not happy or just simply depressed.. i hate going out or seeing people... laughin when its not really from my heart...

So.. why am i unhappy u ask? hmm hadmulilah i have my health my family a good job lots of friends.. i really dont want to say im unhappy... but its just those moments of plain emptiness when you feel ur life is passing you by and your not where you thought you would be.. and things arent going as you planned... i think its a phase.. it will pass..

i feel an emptiness in my heart..in my soul.. *sigh

not even a bar of chocolate filled that space!

Im $ick @gaiN

i didnt go to work... wish i enjoyed this day i took off.. but i didnt go cause im sick... spent the day in bed.... everytime i leave bed i feel my body is magnetically drawn back to it! i think tis food poisoning again... my advice dont eat any chicken.. especially not from fast food restaurants...

just talkin abt it gives me a pukey feeling....

at least i have time to blog today lol.. so i went to a restaurant the other day and i broke a glass... and i have to mention that i ALWAYS break cups in restuarants .... its like a thing i do.. not intentionally ofcourse .. soo embarassing but i walk and i dont pay attention...

reminds me of the time i tripped on my own foot! HAVE U ever met anyone who TRIPS ON THIER OWN FOOT?! LOL i mean how did it get in the way!? well i was nervous that day planning not to fall... guess i planned too hard... got the reverese effect...

i better go back to bed...

The FUTurE

So.. today i was sitting with my friends and we started asking each other all sort of questions like " do u see me married?" .. i dont see myself married... at least not any time soon cause to me marraige means love and commitement and knowing the person really well... feelign he completes me.. that i cnt live without him... ofcoure he has to be tall and understanding and FUNNY!! slowly i get the feeling he doesnt exist... so anyhow... i dont see myself married but i expected that ppl do.. i was surprised that most my friends say they dont see me married!! :(-- they say no one is good enough or that no one can keep up with my craziness!!

Then someone mentioned how me being hyper and over cheerful all the time is just a reflection of my inner emptiness and sadness!! is that true!! That to be truely happy i need to be in love and loved... i thought it wasnt true but maybe a part of me is sad because it feels the need to settle down and be with someone who fills the emptiness in my life...

I do feel happy.. yet i know that maybe there is a certain happiness i havent felt yet.. the happiness of finding that one person who will make me whole.. *sigh..... where art thou my laffffffff ...

ne way 2moro is work,, really am not in the mood.. weekends go by soo fast and i didnt even do anything... arghhhhh so annoyed.... !! Suddenly im not all cheerful... *sigh

AnnoYing Moment$!!

Do you ever have those moments in time where ur put in a certain situation and u react in the wrong way.. or say the wrong things and after that you think of the best things to say and WISH U said somethin else?!

well... listen to this... i was called up by some radio station the other day !! and ofcourse i was surprised... and i didnt know what to say.. think i sounded like a retard.. ne way... it was a quick call... unexpected.. yet i managed to sound like a total airhead!! So now my craziness is known to all uae! hehe i guess ill get over it!!

Those moments when ur head just goes BLANK! And u hear urself speak and u dont even realize what u said!!! AAAAAAAAH! i dunno what i said... it was just a horrifying experience and for the rest of my life i will think of the many endless possibilies of things i could of SAID!!!

wish we could format some memories... or even just rewind and redo things!!!

why does this always happen to me? i always blurt out things and then afterwards i think ...
OH NOOOOOOOOOOO what did i say!!!!!

Think before u speak Dino!!!!!! hmmm I try... but usually i speak then i end up thinking abt the silly things i SAY!!!!! lol

BlinG BlinG!!

I GOT MY FIRST CHECK!! WOooooo Hoooo! still is not a reality to me... since its just numbers on a piece of paper! but well soon ill cash it and SPEND IT! without feeling GUiLTY! without hearing those lectures about " money is not found on trees" ! or "where did ur money go"!!

So... been dead tired.. havent been doin much lately but work work work.... in traffic evryday i notice how everyone has thier own thing goin on..its very entertaining and FUN!
id see some guy picking his nose... another having a fight with his wife.. another singing along to a song without realizing how silly he looks.. another guy dozing off.. another women fiXing her makeup... some sleezy guy with a tinted window trying to give u his number... another lady is overexcited talkin on the phone... some guy eating a sandwich so fast that u wonder how he could have finished it in 2 bites!! life... oh life... and if u see a hijjabi in car probably lost somewhere.... u don t have to wonder who it is.. its definitely me!!

anyway... what is up with people hintin that now that am gettin my salary i need to buy them gifts or spend it on them.. emm emm.. is that a must? lets see.. if i get everyone who mentioned somethin like that somethin i will not only have spent the salary i would have taken some extra cash from my dad! hehe ok ok .. ill get u all shawermas! hehe

Life is 2 $hort 2 B Understood!!

So... one of my many thoughts was how we sometimes underestimate things in life... we see someone and we would want to say somethng nice but we dont... thinking it wont matter.. not knowing simple words can change someones life if said at the right time...

We find our money is spent on nothing at all because we spend it on the little things... We don't realize that its those little things in life that matter the most... a fortune is just a bunch of pennies gathered throughout the years... A lifetime is actually minutes and seconds... a river is made out of little drops of water... a desert is a bunch of sand particles... A mountain is a bunch of rocks on top of each other... and so on...

i believe one word can change a life.. and one word can end a life... an hour a day is 365 hours a year... a portrait is splashes of ink... a novel is a bunch of letters ... every moment is unique and will never be repeated again... different yet the same...

life is a only a limited number of breaths and heartbeats...it only takes a split second for a life to end.... *sigh

Let's not underestimate anything in life.. because its the little things that matter and make the big things..... every second counts....

too philosophical today... *dino walks into dark desert smoking pipe and scratching head analyzing insects!

Rotten Apple$

So... the past couple of days soo many thoughts have gone through my mind.. i need to vent i think ill blog for the past week today!! soo i got this fwd the other day..

Girls are like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree

The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones

because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt

Instead, they just get the rotten apples

from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them,

when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right boy to come along,

the one who's brave enough to climb all the wayto the top of the tree.

So i guess im on the top of the tree cause im single! And i guess all my married and non-single freinds are rotten apples?! hmmm is that a good thing? And well with the technology throughout the years a guy can easily use a ladder a long stick, a Trampoline, to get to the apple! LAZY BUM!! And well knowing my luck.. if a man is man enough to come and get me.. he will then realize he could have a burger or a chocolate instead of an apple and change his mind!!

Anyway... at least i know im not a rotten apple lol!

Egg D@y!!

im soo tired! i envy bears who get to hibernate!! can humans hibernate?

hmmm im typing this blog with egg and olive oil in my hair... why u ask? i was wondering why i did such a thing too!

i was talkin to my friend and she mentioned how eggs and oil make ur hair healthier! hmmm and i guess i had to try!! Suddenly i feel like a walkin egg salad!! Sure hope i dont smell like one after i clean it out!!

So... today i left work at 10:40 PM!!!!! imagine?! im still in shock at the amount of work i managed to get done today! im seriously rethinking this whole work decision! The thing with design and advertizing its not like you go to work and leave.. u have to FINISH the job.. :(-- it takes more time than any other job!!

*sad violin plays in the background as dino tells the sad story of her life

Why dont i just quit and start my own show.. i love entertaining ppl!! i should of been a stand up comedian or a chef!! You what would of been worse though.. me being a TOUR GUIDE!

imagine me with tourist tryin to explain some site .. "like hello everyone... we are now... *scratches head....." we are"* looks at tourists confused and says... "where are we?ok dont panic people just follow my lead... if u see a COW follow it.. it will lead u to the right way".. i have a history with cows helping me find the way!!

the only that has kept me awake and able to type this now although its almost 2 am is the redbull i drank.... its wearing off i better go get this egg out of my hair b4 its too late!!! :S

did i mention how i found out that stress makes me get spots?! not major spots.. but ne way.. right now there is this spot centered in the middle of my forehead! just like some indian ladies have a red dot.. lol im sure they will envy me now that i wake up with my natural red dot!!

PiGGinG OuT

Got back home later than usual... shall i mention how i missed a turn ? or u guys know i get lost everyday by now? anyway.. its soo sad ... id be already sick of traffic.. tired.. hungry..thinking abt soo many things so i end up daydreaming and missed the turn!! ( STOP LAUGHING)

*glares at audience

so its not just about my lack of sense of direction its about my lack of CONCENTRATION! i think i have ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER!! And that is like ONE of the many disorders...

im also afraid of tight spaces! heights! i can go on forever lol why do i share this with the world? remind me please? hahaha...

so... after a looong boring tiring day at work... i feel like someone stepped on my neck or drove over it with a truck!! its soo stiff!!! wawaa me :(

So... i got back home.. and without thinking i found myself automatically heading towards the kitchen!! *soldier in the background yells " ATTTAAAAAAAAACK"

u know when u are soo hungry that you feel u have the ability to eat EVERYTHING! And u suddenly have a craving for EVERYTHING! And even when you are full you wish u had an extra stomache so that u can keep goin lol ( again im sharing way too much info)

dino trys to speak... fails and only says *oink oink lol

soo i found myself wondering in the kitchen mixing all sorts of food... i think that was a bad idea!
if i get sick 2moro i know why lol

ok the reality is i didnt eat that much but i ate a bit of everything which itself is equivalent to DIGESTION SUICIDE!

im off to bed now!! feel like someone left a log in my neck and an alien in my stomache! lol

Lo$T Ag@in!!

ok.. today.. after work i decide to take my coworkers advice and take an easy way to avoid traffic!! in my heart i knew i was goin to get lost... but i was like .. maybe..just maybe... for some miracle today i will suddenly have some sense of direction.... *eaaaaaa*sound of bell when a contestant says the wrong ANSWER!!

today i reached RAS AL KHIAMAH... for those who dont know much abt uae.. ras il khaimah is kind of like as far as abu dhabi... if not farther... sigh...

ne way so my plan to avoid traffic again lead to me reaching weird places!! i got home.. dead tired.. still am... and just as i was attacking some food i found lying on the table after a long day!! the door opens.. my sis comes with her friends who were in PARTY MODE! ofcourse i can never say no to some FUN! i used the energy i had and went crazy with them !

NOw the girlie party of 3 is over... and im left even more exhausted and i think im going to collapse at any second now! AAAAAAh the thought of waking up 2moro is just soo depressing!! * crys!! its mothers day 2moro and i dont know what i should get my mom... any ideas?

why isnt there a daughters day?! hmmm what abt a tall girls day? or a hijjabi day? hehe or maybe a CHOCOLATE LOVERS DAY! that i would love to seee!! time for me to shARrrrRRAp now!:P

Time Time Time

No time... at all... weekend just passed by so quickly.. not only my weekend my life seems to be passing by so quickly.. its like just yesterday i was in school waiting for the bell to go off for me to carry my backpack and run home! its like yesterday that i was buyin my mickey mouse lunchbox for KG ! its like 2 days ago that i felt 20 was a long way to go!! Aaah.... soo freaky... im like 24 and i don't know how i got here!

the other day my sister found this home video my parents had recorded like 20 years ago!!! Its soooo WEird.. how there are moments in time that we never knew existed that are on TAPE! i saw myself jumping around all cheerful dancing oblivious of my surroundings!

seriously i was even a cheerful kid! everyone around me was like busy doing their own thing and i was going around in circles laughing entertaingin myself!! My friends say i look the same! lol i feel the same! bit taller though hehe

Got me thinking abt those many many many moments in our life... we forget about... its like if i never saw that video i would have never remembered!! Soo many good memories seem to fade away... i would of never remembered my dad's face as he carried my little sis smiling and maknig the weirdest sound effects to make her stop crying... so many moments in out life are lost.... not caught on tape... i guess we have to learn to appreciate every moment.. each moment is special and will never be relived...

one of the reasons i love takin pics and filming home videos is because with time there is only so much ones brain can remember and its those pics and tapes that capture those moments... feeling very nostalgic at the moment... wish life was as simple as it was as a little kid dancing to some silly song abt a big fat "dabdooba" <-- bear in arabic.. lol

gotta get back to work... see ya

It$ D@ WeeKEND!

AAH.... finally its my weekend!!! i slept till 11 am today! FELT GREAT!!!! my neck is still in pain.. but i am appreciating this TIME!! SO... what will i talk about today... i was thinking abt how we always try to do the right thing.. and sometimes to do the right thing u end up doing somethin wrong? ok too deep? like for ex.. men who park their cars in the middle of the street and block the roads ( WRONG).. they are doin that only to get to the morning friday prayer ( RIGHT)... sometimes we are too caught up tryin and focusing on doing the right thing that we end up doin something wrong in the process... sigh...

So i am a working woman... its one of things that happens overnight.. happens so quickly it takes time for the though to sink in... like graduation.. its like all u look forward too is graduation and when u graduate u just are in disbelief for a couple of years lol so now i graduated and working :)

i wish i could take a peek into the future... like 10 years from now or even 4 years from now if im still alive... would i be married to mr. right?? will i still be bloggin?? would i be happy? what sort of shocking experiences would i have gone through by then?! *wonders

Anyway.. im goin to watch a movie now .. enjoyin my weekend while it lasts!
I cant believe they gave me work to do on the weekend! no wonder ive been sleep walking lately!!! i do sleep walk sometimes... talk in my sleep... but only when im really tired!

EXHHHHHHH@U$TED!!

no time no time no time.... its like i rest my head on the pillow as soon as i get comfortable and doze off i feel its time to get UP AGAIN NOOO! *dino throws alarm out of window!! * sinks head in pillow * hugs covers

seriously... hate waking up early!! then the morning traffic... and my car apparently is dead too and is making the loudest most embarrassing noises every time i hit the brakes! i was driving next to a truck and i swear my car made a louder Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee noise when i stepped on the brakes... YES I KNOW i need to change my brakes and fix my car!! but NO TIME!!! by the time i leave work all the places are closed.. inshala on sat on my weekend..

so ppl keep asking me what exactly it is i do at work... here are 2 ad ideas i did for a new phone!! its a girlie phone made out of GOLD!!! its for 4000 dirhams! i would NEVER buy such a phone! id rather spend my money on shawermas or chocolates hehe just kidd.. seriously its gonna end up fallin on the ground a billion times a day because im always so disoriented!

in general i am not a materialistic person and dont care much abt showing off... if i like somethin i get it... even if it not gucci or worth 4000 dirhams!!

so why get a phone that expensive and have my heart break every time it falls!! hehe ne way.... here are the 2 ideas the client is going to chose from.. gives u a better idea of the things i do... i design ads,logos,flyers.. etc..

I was very emotional today for some reason.. maybe its the extra redbull ive been drinking.. and the caffiene overload... i dunno.. in general im way too emotional.. and i wish i could just be less sensitive... and most of all I WISH i didnt think TOO much!! all day not only am i exhuasted with work i find myself analyzing things, planning the future,regretting some things in the past,wondering abuot the present, missing things ( like sleep), reliving memories in my head,erasing other memories!! SOO MANY othe thoughts go through my mind.. sigh...

*i need sleep!!

btw another thought that crossed my mind today ... i thought of all those ppl i miss and really care abt that have NO CLUE and sometimes they assume i dont care because i dont email msg call or see them as much as i want to..... and i thought of those ppl who you would love to contact but u DONT for some reason or the other... maybe because u feel they dont care enough to contact u.. and in some cases either u get too busy or u feel that something is stopping you...

maybe u feel its better to keep ur emotions to urself because as soon u express urself and open up to a person and let them know how much u care, let ur gaurd down ull eventually get hurt....

those thoughts made me realize that NOT ALL those who are in touch CARE. and not all those who ARE NOT in touch DONT! someone out there could be missin u and thinkin abt u.. only u wouldnt know it ... guess that is a happy thought... or maybe not? :S

LookInG Too H@rD

Today was a long day.. woke up later than i was supposed to... jumped out of bed and was out of the house in less than 10mins!! wow... then i was glad that thursday the trafiic is less sinsce most ppl have thursdays off.. i reached work on time... so... on my way back ofcourse i managed to get lost.. its a daily thing... so pretty much i end up spending my salary on gas and radar tickets!!

So... i didnt go straight home i saw a surpringly great movie " Derailed"! not bad at all!

ne way... so on my way back i had soooooo many thoughts!! SO many.. i always replay conversations in my head.. and analyze the world continously... sometimes im overwhelmed with my own thoughts... which explains why i get LOST!! i daydream a lot lol

so...the other day i was looking for some superglue to fix my broken shades... then i found myself thinking everything i see was that superglue ... its like when i used to look for my lost contact on the ground... or a little screw that fell from my glasses... same scenario..

everything i see for a split second seems like the thing im looking for... got me thinking... abt life.. and how this doesnt only apply to super glue!

its like when someone is in love... they love that other person soo much that everyone they see somehow looks like them... its like u know he is on the other side of the world but u could of SWORN U saw him walkin in city center next door!! hehe

So.. i think when we are looking soo hard for things in life we tend to easily rush into making hasty decisions and assumptions when in reality we should stop looking that hard and one day when u least expect it... it will come to you...

its the same concept of looking too hard for love... fallin for someone you havent even met or hardly know... i dunno.. im blabbing again....i think too much.. wow i hope no one wakes me up 2moro!!

Cow D@y$

hehe have u ever had a cow day? and what is that u may wonder.. a cow day is a day that starts out fine.. u wake up makin cow like noises because u want to stay in bed.,... u get soo tired at a certain point that u feel like a cow that has trouble moving... haha ok im exaggerating... i adore cows ... MOOOOOOOO re than ull ever Mooooooo hehe

ok... so today i went to work and ofcourse i decide to take a new route to work to avoid traffic ended up really close to OMAN another country... hmmm.. i have no sense of direction what soo ever... lol ... seriously mr magoo is better than i am... ( those who dont know who mr magoo is... he is a blind man who drives a car... cartoon.. ne way...

so i have no time to sleep... or do anything.. the only free time i have is the time imk stuck in traffic.. i end up makin all my calls hehe.. soo.. somethin happened and got me thinking again... i was on my way to work on a raod i have passed by soo many times... and i dunno how... there was this amazing garden to my left that i never ever noticed... its been there this whoel time but i was too busy complaining abt traffic and the ppl who just cut infront of me when i drive.. that i NEVER took the time to turn my head in the other direction... it was a beautiful garden.. full of flowers and trees... i literally gasped.. ( in a non horror movie way) hehe

this got me thinkin abt not only this amazing garden that was right infront of me all this time.. but the many amazing things i might have missed out becuase i was too caught up focusin on the negative things.. i am tryin to always try to see the beauty of everything... to look the other way if i might say... soo many good things out there that are left unoticed or appreciated... so with this attitude my drive back home was not negative at all.. instead of thinkin of the 3 hours of traffic ahead of me i thought of how nice it was to call up my friends who i have not been in contact with in ages...

there is always a way to see things positvely.. even in the worst scenarios..as i always say,. its all in da membrane... :)

gtg get some work done b4 i faint

W@rning : Energy Level$= Very LoW

aaaaah today i signed the contract with the advertizing agency... i am officially a VORKing VOMAN!!!!!!! YEAY!! remind me why that seemed like a happy thought.... my time... just seems to evaporate... i wake up from around 5:30 since the way to work takes 3 hours with the sharjah dubai traffic.. i stay there till 6:30 then i get stuck in the dubai sharjah traffic till 8:30.. then i get back home and i have to work on the work they gave me to do at home.. ofcourse by now im DEAD tired.... so i collapse into deep sleep.. and just as soon as i am gettin comfortable in the warmth of my bed i hear the ANNOYING ALARM!!!

AAAAAAH! remind me why i wanted to work llol.. ok the brigh side is that i feel like im doin somethin in my life and now that i have no time whatsoever i realize the so many things i want to do IF i had time!! ANd then i remember like a week ago is at home thinking WHAT CAN I DO WITH ALL This FREE TIME!! AAAAAH! oh how i already miss sleeping.. sigh

its soo funny how we plan our lives every single day... what we will do... who we will marry.. and in the end God is the one who chooses what is best for u.. i dreaded work in media city and i alwayds said id NEVER work there.. and here i am... i guess its my fate to get stuck in traffic everyday... im still in shock that im working.. all happened so fast... unexpectedly..

when ppl used to say im too busy with work i thought they were just makin things up.. that they were just sayin.. they dont want to hang out with me in a nice way... now im the one saying " cant go out.. too much work" today i officaially say goodbye to my social life.... *waves to friends sadly* blows nose... *crys

im soo stressed out the moment.... so many projects to do... i hardly have time to look in the mirror * looks at mirror SCREAMSSSSSS !! omg... why didnt anyone tell me i had a huge ink mark on my face?! lol maybe its a good thing.. will distract ppl from the sudden zit appearance! i dunno how i got like 3 spots on my face.. suddenly.. not like zits.. red spots.. hamduliah i have clear skin so i never get zits but i guess its the stress / lack of sleep factor!!

*applys facial and cucumber on eyes to relax... realizes facial is made out of fruits and yougart.. eats it.. ( i forget to eat these days).. then dino eats cucumbers that were on her eyes lol

ill try to blog whenever i can.. since some ppl liked my work il just keep postin my work here till someone complains :) no one said anythin abt the islamic calligraphy poster.. *ehm ehem.. it took me ages to get that right *sigh

gtg get back to work.... *faints on keyboard

$piritu@lity

Today i found myself more spiritual than other days... its because i spent the day with ppl who remind me of GOD and the beauty of ISLam.. i sat there thinking of the many ways GOd has blessed me.. the many ways i consider myself blessed... and then a thought came to me... I thought how Merciful GOD is... we sin.. HE forgives.. we forget to thank God for many blessings yet HIS blessings are showered upon us everyday..

what if for each time we sin we lose a blessing? What if every sin we do is written on our faces for the world to see? WE all have sins... no one is SIN-free ...

yet one of Gods many blessings is that HE doesnt punish us with our sins even when sometimes we deserve to be punished.. HE forgives us and not only that.. GOD loves us... and His mercy upon us is more than than the MErcy of a mother on her own child... subhannallah...

i thought of how much i want to be a better person... of the many times i forgot to thank GOd...to pray... how i feel like a hypocrite sometimes because i say things i dont do..feel i always have ups and downs...oh how i wish things were easy... but i know life isnt easy... but heaven is worth all the trouble.. inshala GOd will guide me and help me to be a better muslim.. to set a good example..

i just realized how thanking GOd itself is a blessing... i am even blessed by remembering God ... al hamdulilah..

WorK Work Work

Ye$ i think i got the job inshala.. but i didnt sign any contracts waiting for the call to confirm.. but im already goin to work .. the problem is that there is soo much work to do.. and so much traffic on the way... ne way... i guess its better than sitting at home.. im feelin kind of sick... throat is killin me.. ne way..

i think this will be my last weekend as a non-working woman... hehe im already stressed out with loads of projects to do... here are a few ideas for posters i came up with today... not finals so dont look at the quality of the image .. its just a concept... ne way i gtg get some work done... brain is abt to explode..

Dino$ @dVenTuRe$

oh wow.. yes i expected adventures today... but not this much!! lets see.. i woke up at 6:00 am... got dressed for an early interview... then well ofcourse i got lost on the way.. its like a MUST! even if i go to the road a billion times... its like a ritual.. i always take a wrong turn somewhere....

sooooo.... i head to the interview... and well.. i was a bit nervous and when im nervous i blush.. when im happy i blush.. when im stressed out i blush.. my face is pretty much always red ...

so i go in the interview tryin to be all laid back.. turns out the interviewing me has studied psychology and was analyzing me every move..

i feel so awkward when ppl stare directly at me for a long time.. i feel like i have to look away... but looking away sometimes gives the wrong impression..

so in the middle of the interrogation.. and staring straight at me.. he comments on how i seemed stressed out and that he noticed im blushing ! hmmm i wasnt nervous till he mentioned THAT!

SOo..... then he says casually... " there is an earthqauke" he doesnt move from his share..or flinch.. or react.. he was just smiling and so relacxed while the building felt like it was swaying from left to right!

i sat there unsure whether to laugh.. to cry.. to run.. to stay put! ( keep in mind the building is very high.. sooo... i thought i was nervous and imagined the world was shaking... turns out it WAS ACTUALLY SHAKING!!! AAAH!

i wanted to just leave the office and run ... but he was soo cool and casual and said.. " im not scared.. whatever will happen will happen if u want to go downstairs go"!! emmm i felt silly so i stayed!!!

SO well after a long interview... i leave thinkin " omg earthqauke!" as if i needed more events... this guy comes to me and says " hi my friend just saw u and wants to marry u give me ur parents number"

LOL that was defintely something i didnt expect.... i mean how can he decide to marry me just like that?! neway... so i leave the place.. go back home.. get stuck in traffic for a billion hours... ofcourse missed a turn somewhere... now i have loads of work to do... cant believe im blogging..

but omg.. today was eventful for me... i even forgot to EAT! *stomache growls

still dunno how the interview went.. wish me luck guys .. pray for me ...

CoMMiTmEnT PhObi@

So... time for more of my psychological problems.. hmm what should i talk abt tonite ? i wonder... lets see.. what is the subject that is brought up every SINGLE DAY? hmmm did u guess? YES MARRAIGE!! Everyday someone has to mention the M word!!

Well i understand that well eventually most people get married..and that its the way life is... ur a kid.... u GROW up.. u realize ur not a kid anymore..ppl realize ur not a kid anymore... they begin to NAG NAG NAG!!!

so u decide its time to get ur own kids... soo hmmm ok fine GET MARRIED! ehe its not like a button u press... or a decision u can easily make JUST LIKE THAT?!...

so ppl ask " WHY ARENT U MARRIED YET?" is ther a right answer to that? hmmm u could say

"welll... hmmm why get married and raise a family when u can raise cows and sheep instead.. at least U milk the cows!" (sarcasm)

Well... im not against marraige ofcourse... but i hate the continous nagging and obssession abt it... i mean why the rush??

Don't know why i thought that by the time i feel im READY.. suddenly the RiGHt man would appear at my doorstep on a white horse! Well... too much TV for me...

I feel if someone who could potentially be my future husband comes along .. there always a major FLAW or lets say OBstacle... makes it impossible to consider.....

Lets seee.. Too short....Too serious.. Too Open-Minded...Too Controlling...Too Clingy or Emotionally Unavailable...Too immature.. Too Broke....Too Boring... i can go on forerver.... sigh.. no im not picky... but there is ALWAYS something wrong..

im not perfect.. ( although i know you all beg to differ ) lol heh YES I KNOW NO ONE is perfect... but i know someone out there is perfect for me... and when i meet that someone ill know if he is THE ONE... and then i probably wouldnt freak out about commitement ...

i hate the feeling of being responsible for a family... little helpless kids who depend on you for everything ... everything includes diaper changing!!! ew

i hate feelin tied down or controlled.. For some reason i feel marriage is somewhat a way of sacrifcing all ur time,efforts,plans...etc UR LIFE is no longer urs.. heh

ur life becomes ur family... ur time is thier right... ur life revolves around them.. and thier lives revolves around u... Its not a temporary decision u make and quit like a job u feel didnt go as u imagined...

MARRAIGE IS IT! it is THE Beginning OF THE END!! heh see it is FOR LIFE...FOREVER.. THE REST OF UR LIFE with someone... WAKe up to them everyday... EVERYDAY....SAT SUN MON TUES WED THURS FRI ....Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!! i get bored easily!! i need my time ALONE! i hate routines! i hate too much REsPonsibilties!


*twitches

*gets asthma attack

Im not sure im ready...sometimes i feel i am... but i wish ppl would stop NAGGING!!

i shall raise COWS & SHEEP!!

oh how I love cows! is it allowed to have a Cow as a PET ?

Time Fly$

i was sitting thinking to myself ( as usual).... yes i know i think too much... hehe ne way... so suddenly i realized im 24!!!
HOw DID I turn 24? i distinctly remmeber my 11th birthday... when i thought 24 was stilll THE FUTURE!

i am living the FUTURE! WEIRD !! i had soo many epxectations that i never reached... i thought by now id have my life figured out.. that i would stop being crazy... that id be serious and into politics and maybe GOLF or BINGO hehe

but NO... im the same... taller... yet the same... wiser.. i guess hehe but the same.. i worry that someday ill be like this old lady i took a pic of... and i would wonder HOW DID I turn 80!!!

for some reason i find it hard to believe old ppl were once young and lively.. except for many ...a couple of ppl an arabic singer ( sabah) and madonna who still act like teenagers.. i have to say madonna looks pretty good for her age... i want to see her turn 90 and coming out with her latest album.. heh

will i be one of those annoying old ladies who try to look young at the age of 80 ? Will i even reach the age 80?! And if i do will i be married? Will i emabarrass my kids by being silly infront of their friends?! hehe

i feel most ppl after a certain age try hard to go back to the old days... look at this old lady in the pic.. she was once a teenager! she once had crushes! she had a future to look forward to! she also had TEETH!! :S

i dont want to get old! and i dont want time to pass by this quickly without feeling i accomplished anything major! Guess this is life...

So....I NEED A PLAN and FAST! Time is running.. and i don't even know how much time i have left... pass me the kikat now .. i need a break from these depressing thoughts!! heh

OuTT@ ConTrOL!!

Today was a long day.. not cause it was boring but cause i did so much.... i woke up early !! The day started out beautifully with RAIN! RAIN IN UAE!!

* Dino rubs eyes in disbelieF!

Well i didnt feel great about my shoes sinking in the muddy water puddles ! Other than that i love THE RAIN! Even the air is FRESHER! When it rains everyone runs inside or covers their heads with umbrellas, paper bags, newspapers or whatever is available! THAT is what people DO!! ME on the other hand love walking in the RAIN!! i usually am the only one who runs out when it rains.. i remmeber when i was a kid i used to open my mouth really wide and look up tryin to get as many raindrops in my mouth! hehe ( yes ppl then also thought i was a freak)

So... AFter running around in the rain.. i rememebered its thursday.. my fav day of the week because i have a group of kids who i teach every thursday morning... they are adorable and cute!!!

They say im the coolest teacher.. i guess its cause i let them play the whole time and never yell at them when they are not listening to me.. i need major disciplining courses... i try to be assertive and i end up looking at their cute faces smiling and laughin and all i can do is smile back or tell them " if u dont listen to me ill leave.. with a puppy face... sometimes it works ehe i too have irresistable puppy looks hehe

So.. today i expereinced something that kind of traumatized me me for the rest of the day.. my close friend has 4 adorable kids mashala..

Anyway i was standin on the side of the road waiting for her to get the car with 2 of her kids.. till one of her kids ran towards the STREET!! i felt soo SCARED!! and HELPLESS! i didnt know which kid to FOLLOW! i realized how much of a responsibility it is to have a kid!!! Sometimes they get OUTTA CONTROL and just dont listen!! i swear my heart was about to STOP seeing her run towards the street! i felt how vulnerable kids are.. how i dont think i can ever handle a 24 hour responsiblity of having my own kids!

YES I LOVE KIDS sooooo much.... but its because i love them soo much that i dont think i can emotionally be able to handle gettin my own! im too caring and i worry too much... even when they arent my kids... what if they where? id be PSYCHO MOM!

id probably have them on leashes! or have some sort of chips implanted in thier skin so that i know where they are all the time! hehe

So.. i spent the day with the cutest kids in the whole world... had home made pasta which tasted GREAT!! Watched a bit of TArZan ( cartoon) hehe then got a call for an interview... went well.. im thinking abt exploring my options b4 i make the decision... today was great... still thinkin of that moment i freaked out... Thank GOd nothin happened... but the thought of SOMETHING could of happened scared me to death... May God protect them and watch over them...

now i am pretty much exhausted im thinking of sleepin early tonite... *yawns * stretches.. hand hits table lamp.. lamp falls breaks into peices... erm ermmm thinks to self.. " why do i keep forgetting tall ppl have long arms too?" hehe

P@Le$tiNe

Pale$tine..my home country...oh how i wish i could be there right now... there is somethin abt being in a country and feeling that you belong there.. i am palestinian.. and well we all know that palestine is now known as Israel... im not much into politics but i have to say my heart aches for my country... i feel like by living far away all my life that somehow i have betrayed it...

i say i am palestinian.. but what have i ever done for my country other than a few posters to help express the extreme captivation and mistreatment palestinians go through everyday?

The sad part is that the media plays a major role in what the world believes and knows.. many people have no clue on what is going on in palestine right now... what you see on the news is not even close to reality....

my heart aches for palestine... but i feel helpless ... im proud to say im palestinian... and although i might not be in palestine right now and i dont know when ill go there again... but i carry palestine in my heart wherever i go....

*sigh....

dino has a patriotic side hehe

Suicid@l Thought$?!?!

Have u ever felt that you didnt fit in?! like you were a stranger in this world? Feared death yet longed for it soo much?? IS death really the answer? Some people who commit suicide think by doing that their horrible life is over... suicide is not the answer... See this life is meant to be crappy and full of disappointments.. the older you get the more nostalgia you feel towards the past... the more problems and shocks you will face...

Yet... i feel with all the disappointments and sad moments that we experience there is always those few moments that are engraved in ur memory that make it all ok.. those nice words that someone special said once.. the innocence of a child when it smiles at you unaware of what is to come later on... the sound of the waves hit the sea shore.. the smell of fresh roses.. the amazing taste of CHOCOLATE as it melts in ur mouth.. the good laugh u shared with friends...the amazing beauty of GOd's creations.. the way the clouds look like huge cotton candy in the sky...many more..

so maybe the bad outweighs the good.. but the few good moments make it all okay... and when im depressed or hurt i try to think of the positive things in life... maybe i lost a friend but at least i know i have good friends who care...and its not the end of the world... and there is always somethin to smile about :) like this COW who is totally convinced it's NEMO! hehe

Conclusion : $uicide is never the An$wer!

side note : I LOVE COWS!!

$orrY Ag@in!!!!!

sorry is a word i hear alot... unfortunately it has no use when is said after breakin my heart... who said its only men who break our hearts? i think what is deeper than the heartache for someone you love is the pain you feel when someone u truely cared about and trusted and felt was a true friend to you lets you down.. yes i said id be careful with who i trust.. but yes i was careful from the wrong people.. its those who u care abt who hurt u the most because u DONT expect them to...

i am typing this blog with a new fresh wound.. excuse my typos for my teary eyes wont allow me to see the screen properely... SOrry? what can it do for me now?? I feel like my heart shrunk in my chest..it suddenly wrinkled up.. its not that ive not been hurt b4.. its not that ive not been disappointed b4.. but its just that i really didnt expect it this time.. ouch

i feel utterly horrible... hurt and overwhelmed with heartache.. im not a weak person i know that .. but im gullible and sensitive and i wish i wasnt this way...

imagine someone who u considred was a friend to u for the longest time... someone who you truely care abt.. suddenly tells u that she no longer considers you as a friend.. that you sometimes you are FAKE!!!!! For no reason at alll... out of the blue.. u realize that this person who u thought was ur friend doesnt feel the same way... im not talking about someone who was just a social aquaintance.. im talkin abt someon who u had up soo high.. someone u felt was special and unlike the rest... that is what i call a MAJOR MAJOR OUCH.....

after all this i still am not mad at her.. or even hold anything against her.. all i feel is disappointed... and silly... mostly i feel hurt..

will i ever learn?? but she said one thing that i agree with... when somethin is broken it will never be the same.....

today i feel something major was broken.. my heart... and a friendship that i thought was true and hoped would last forever

call me anything but FAKe.. i am the most straightforward person you will ever meet! i say what i feel and i mean what i say!! If people have trouble believing im sincerely a goodhearted person who truely cares.... then that is their problem.. al hamdulilah ( thank GOD) for everything..... at least i know what i am... :(--

im heading to bed.. too much drama for today.. i hate crying..

$tre$$

Here is an illustration that i did in a moment of STRESS!! i usually do feel stressed out... that is because i leave everything for the last minute! i feel all my life im always going with the flow.. i am the worst person to make plans.. or plan things.. and if i ever make plans i FORGET about them!!! my room is a mess! i find a pile of clothes on my bed right before i leave the house even after i had just spent hours cleaning!

I say things without thinking.. yet spend the day thinking of the things i SAID! hehe

I have so many plans and dreams! hardly accomplished any of them!!!

Why is it i feel that solving everyones problems is my DUTY?! why is it that i feel guilty that a girl i met only twice in my whole life is lonely at home cause she quit her job .. and got pregnant.. and is bored and has nothin to do... WHY do i feel like its my duty to cheer up everyone? To drop people back home when they dont have a ride?To be there to solve everyones problems?! AS soon i hear someones problem.. (ppl tend to think im a therapist not know i myself NEED THERAPY) ..

i feel like a million people have ropes attached to my brain,,. like im being pulled in all directions! like my head has turned into a big EAR .. all i hear is the sound of crowd yelling out my name askin me to do things... pretty much i feel like this illustration!!!!

soo as soon as i hear someones problem somehow i feel it is MY PRoBLEM.. that just by tellin me they are seekign my help... and i think of ways to SOLVE IT.. :S dont get me wrong.. im a people person i love being around people.. and i can get along with pretty much anyone... i love how ppl feel comfortable sharing their problems with me ... yet i think knowing way too many ppl and being a social butterfly can get exhausting.. especially when u care abt the person who confides in u....

yet i keep my own problems and worries bottled up inside of me... hehe or blog them here :P

i try my best to please everyone yet all i get is a HUGE MESS!! Ironically at the end of the day someone i care abt is either pissed off at me or just makes me feel guilty abt somethin that i was UNAWARE of as usual... i tried makin post-it reminders to reminds me of the things i need to do! well i need post it reminders to REMIND ME WHERE I PUT THOSE POST ITS!! LOL

i wrote a TO-DO list once! emmmm never looked at it.... cause i LOST IT!! i keep losing things.. forgetting things...i always feel that there is soo much to do! in arabic they say " ma3joooo2a" hehe its like im always jumpy and disoriented! I NEED TO TAKE A CHILL PILL! heh at the end of the day... i ask myself:

All this guilt,stress & endless worry .. for what??

Do those ppl whom i prioritize overmyself and my own happiness and psychological well being GIVE A flying cr@p abt me? And if they do to a certain point.. will they take the extremes i take?? i recently have felt foolish and pathetic for thinking people think the way i do.. that they appreciate me.. i was wrong.. i try to change but i cant.. its the way i am.. ill get hurt .. ill get over it.. what doesnt kill you makes u stronger.. IM SUPERWOMAN i guess!! *trys to carry nearest SOFA .. fails... tells herself " still weak dinos" lol

No matter what good i do in this world i do it for GOd... and He will reward me inshala... that is why i wont change.. Although some ppl are not worthy.... i know there are other ppl out there who DO deserve it :) and i think im lucky to know more than one person who just the thought of knowin them and having them as a part of my life makes me feel better...

so.....i try not to regret things but learn from them ... even when i learn a lesson I FORGET it hehe :P

ImpRi$oNeD

when i was in university and was takin a photo-journalism course.. i had to go to a juvenile jail and take images of any prisoner there... well.. anyway... it was a weird expereince i saw this guy who was in jail at teh age of 16... for something he did.. i didnt know what then.. neway.. i started makin him pose for me behind bars and with handcuffs .. u know the whole JAIL loook.. i went a couple of times.. took pics of this guy.. kind of thinking of it as an adventure.. until for one moment it hit me.. im in a jail.. takin pics of a dangerous man who has been kept away for the safety of the human race. so i ask the gaurd... " what is this kid in here for?" with a smile.. i expected somehting like " drugs" ... well... to my surprise... he was in for RAPE!!! AAAAAAAAH i have been takin photos of a RAPIST!!

anyway.... that was the last time i gave him a visit! hehe i mean what did i expect? argh?! silly me... ne way.. this got me thinking.. abt the idea of jail.. being imprisoned.. and does being behind necessarily be the only way a person can be imprisoneh? i say NO!

Sometimes we are imprisoned in our own homes.. by our parents.. by society.. by what is expected from us !

someimes ppl in jail feel more free than ppl living under the roof of thier house.. Freedom is not just physical freedom.. runing around in a prak enjoying the sun's rays reflecting on ur skin.. its deeper than that.. freedom is all in our head.. what is freedom to each an everyone of us?

Is it doing what u want? saying what u want? when u want to? hmmm is anyone 100% free?! i rememeber seeing the movie " Shawshank REdemption" and there was a part when one of the prisoners had to leave... after being in jail for soo long.. he couldnt survive in the real world and commited suicide.. (great movie by the way)

its like the concept of being surrounded by ppl yet u feel lonely.. being out in the open air and feel that u cant breathe.. being free to walk around and yet feel like ur trapped behing bars...

side note.. i do not in anyway encourage RApe or going to prison lol ok? heh

Muffled SCRE@M$!

Sometimes.. just sometimes.. not all the time.. i feel the urge to SCREAM!! i mean i feel this need to let out all the stress and anger and accumulated feelings that have been bottled up inside of me for so long!

A SCream for each time i smiled and nodded my head when someone cuts infront of my car in a traffic jam! FOr everytime i felt disrespected or mistreated and just didnt speak up.. for all those disappointing moments in my life.. A Scream of REgret,Anger,Frustration,STRESS! For @ll those times i felt disappointed! For All the times i felt used!!

Scream till my vocal cords can scream no more!! SO LOUD that my ear drums feel like they are going to burst! SREAM for soo long... let all these negative feelings out of my system.. till suddenly im surrounded by a peaceful sense of serenity..a feeling of safety ..all i hear is the sound of nothingness.... nothing but a LOUD SILENCE...

in reality its kind of inappropriate to scream like that or ill be officaially seen as a psychopath! just pass me a pillow it will do for now!!! ARGH?!!!

Just kind of frustrated today for no specific reason...its one of those days when u just feel like you want to EXPLODE!
Anyways... hope u like the work i posted here its the first time i post my own work :)

V@lenTiNe$ D@Y

i am warning you.. im still followed by a negative cloud that is raining on my head! Today everyone seems to be in love walking around smiling with roses and boxes of chocolates... yes i dont belive in valentines day.. yes even if i did celebrate it i would not be today... but still its just that sometimes ppl over do it with the whole IM in LOVE Mood! i mean u see all those couples that cant get thier hands off each other... walking around.. being all cheesy.. " i wuv u shnukums" " i wuv u buttercup" *walk away holding hands.. sometimes for some weird reason each one has his hand in the other persons jeans backpocket!? emmm.. are u tryin to steal each others wallets? hmm maybe its a weird tradtion im not familiar with...

Anyway... come on we have to be realistic here... love does exist yes.. but i think we all agree that love after marraige is not like love b4 marraige, b4 kids... that a man after marraige is not the same man b4 marraige.. b4 marraige all he does is think of ways to please you and make u happy.. ways to win ur heart.. when he finally wins ur heart.. slowly his attentions is diverted to the tv,food,friends,anything but u... u start having to TELL him what to do.. TO REMind him that he loves u... TO REMIND him how HE WAS b4!! anyway... i am not married.. and everyday i see couples that disappoint me.. im not talkin just brad & jen or jessica simpson *nick.. im talkin real life couples... not all end in a divorce but all seem to go downhill... not once have a met a couple that is 100% happy or satisfied.. there is always the after marraige surprises...

As if i needed more psychological problems.. all seem to be experts in love and want to give ME advice abt marraige and say things likke.. DONT GET MARRIIED LIVE UR LIFE! AS SOON AS UR married ur life is over! one look at my parents and well other old married couples and i tihnk OH MY GOD! I dont want that! yes im different.. and each one of us is!

ARE we all doomed to the same FATE?! im usually very optimistic but lately ive just been freakin out abt this whole subject.. i actually felt sorry for those ppl who are sooo obssessed with the idea of everlasting love.. even if love lasts its not the same love.. its like a different type of love that lasts... its no longer the passionate love .. but the compassionate love..sometimes even turns to HATE!! i dont want that!! i dont want a boring relationship! if all marraiges will end up the same id rather be single! as long as there is CHOCOLATE im Fine! who needs LOVE!!!

*sigh.. ok confession.. i sometimes do feel a need to be in love... but i resort to chocolate hehe :P today was one of those days.. i guess the idea of getting chocolates from someone special was nice... *sigh....

the sappy love songs on the radio arent helping... *munches on chocolate

Bri@n OverLo@D

lots have been goin on lately.. i have noticed the more time i am awake the more thinking and analyzing i do... i wish i could just easily format my brain! i mean for once to sit there without thinking... sigh... i dunno if i am normal or abnormal and if normal is what i want to be... i worry too much... i wonder too much.. i think way too much...

ne way.. i was driving around the other day and i noticed how many ppl there are out there in this world.. not one person is the same 100%not even twins.. i saw how we all seemed to be doing our own thing.. living our lives.. some look alike others look different.. some have the weirdest sense of style while others are stylish .. i can go on forever.. and i started wondering abt how its soo amazing that there are SOOO many ppl out there.. some pass by u unoticed.. when they could be great ppl... they could be special.. and yet they just pass u by and u dont even notice them.. im balbbing.. but what im tryin to say is.. its impossible to get to know everyone or to be knowin by everyone.. but why is it that i always have a strong need to make a difference in this world? i feel like i was here for a reason.. more than just to live and die.. i dont want to be just another ordinary person who passes away with no major accomplishment in her life... i need to make a difference...

any ideas? hehe i know im different.. maybe a tad bit weird.. but i feel im on a mission that im unaware of.. like i have a prupose... i want to die smiling knowing i made a difference.. at least in one persons life... i thought of being a stand up comedian but hmmmm maybe not lol

feel there is soo much to do.. soo little time... so much energy to let out.. soo many thoughts that need to be set free... i guess blogging is the answer for now... till i find my mission hehe i know ... i will SAVE A WHALE! hehe

see ya readers later...

KnowinG Your$elf !

ok its been a while since i posted here! i have been busy living my real life rather than my cyber life for a change! but the negative thing abt not being able to blog and let out my crazy thoughts that are continously going through my mind all day = brain overLOAD!! ok so ill start with one topic which is something i started to think abt recently... how ppl ask u ? WHO ARE U? or DO U KNOW HER/ Him? and that got me thinking do u really know anyone? do u really know urself?

what defines knowing someone? i feel all our lives we are getting to know ourselves... finding out what we like what we dont like.. what we are allergic too! realizing our psychological problems! our favorite foods! favorite music! its like those quizes we get abt GETTING TO KNOW URSELF! what UR STAR SIGN says abt ur personality... what ur NAME says abt ur personality! WHy do we read those things unless if we ourselves are searching for our SELVES!

So what defines who you are is what u believe in?what u like? what you do?what you look like?

soo what makes each one of us special and unique? what if someone doesnt believe in anything has no favorite meal hobby and is pretty much without interests or beliefs... so that makes him a nobody? ARE we what we believe in? ARE WE WHAT WE EAT? hehe that makes me a huge CHOCOLATE bar! eheh

ok... just my thoughts for today... i feel we will never be able to know even ourselves 100% and we will spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out who we are... i know my mom doenst know me althought she thinks she does... this is deepered than i thought...

*BRAIN FREEZE*

so next time u say.. I KNOW THAT Girl next door... think again.. she might not even know HERSELF! Hehehe

i need to format my brain QUICK! ehhe

TRue H@ppinE$$

FIND YOUR TRUE HAPPINE$$!!

Inspired by my dear cyber me sk... i have been thinkin a lot about true happiness.. today for example was a happy day.. i spent my birthday with a close friend of mine.. we sat discussed many things abt life.. cracked up.. then i had chocolate cake!! yummmy! that to me was a happy day...

So it got me thinkin abt this feeling of happiness.. is it all in our minds? if i decide to be happy? will i succeed? its like there are days the littlest things get to me and i feel depressed! and other no matter whats going on i dont let anything affect my jolly goofy mood!

To some people happiness is about materialistic things.. about money.. being rich.. all about the "Bling Bling" themes in life.. so no matter how much money they have they always want more... and are always finding somethin to complain abt...

Once i saw this poor man who fixes shoes for a living sittin in the street.. seemed soo poor that he doesnt even have a place to stay... but i rememeber he sat there with the biggest smile on his face ! i felt like the silliest person on earth becuase i compared my troubles and worries to his.. i was speechless... he found his happiness in his faith in God...he seemed satisfied with his life and that is how he found his happiness...

On the other hand.. some people are simply psychotic! im not talking abt psychos like me .. i mean REAL psychos! People who watch the movie "fight club" and base thier lives on it.. who like the idea of physical pain! whether its inflicted on themselves or on others! emmm.. some ppl cut themselves sayin they feel a certain relief when they the blood.. other decide to be serial killers. In those cases its caused by intense psychological problems!i suggest THERAPY NOW
Lets not go into that... *Worries she will get those ppl mad and they will come after her..

Some ppl find happiness in food.. eating incessantly till they are obese and suffer from cholestrol and many other obesity consequences... Others find happiness getting drunk or high..

All that i think is just a temporary solution that gives the illusion of happiness.. ur happy as long as ur eating that yummy fatty burger..soon that happiness will be replaced with guilt and regret and intense depression... could lead to worse things like anorexia or bulimia... u end up munching on chips and chocolates.. binge eating ... then.. there is the after effect.. you feel that this is not what u want.. you want to lose weight but feel helpless.. again u resort to food for comfort...munching away your depression....only leads to more fat and more depression!

People who are addicted to herione or any type of drug also have that same cycle somehow... they feel a certain type of rush.. a state of mind that is more like as they would put it....
" outta this world duude" type of happiness when they take drugs or when they get drunk.. but ofcourse they is always the

AFTER-EFFECT.....

this is temporary happiness.... right??

So... another thing that is common.. some ppl.. most ppl relate happiness to love.. and having a love life.. or being married.. having kids and a family... like if ur life is without love .. how can u be happy?! that i think is becuase of the mind pollution we see in movies and tv everyday.. evrything seems to be abt love.. a movie starts with a normal girl.. no love life.. sittin at home with her pet cat..someone the viewer can relate to!! ofcourse the movie ends with her being with her hot neighbor/co-worker/the CRUSH somehow...simply we are brain washed! :S come on .. ok it does happen but that doesnt mean anything.. u can still be single and happy!!

Others find happiness in doin things they like doing like art,poetry,singing,skiing.. anything they love doing... Others in their job they feel they are making a difference in the world... i think each and every person has different criteria in their mind .. when this criteria is met they reach thier happiness... look at ur list.. and realize that those things u relate to happiness are not what will make u happy.. happiness is in ur hands.. u can be happy if u want to! just make that decision!!! ( i should of studied psychology)!

i personally feel we often depress ourselves by having some goals in our head that we hoped for and are disappointed we didnt achieve yet.. things we wanted that we didnt get..

ppl we thought would make the "PERFECT" husband who said things like

" UR MY SISTER" or "IM GAY" hehe

life is full of disappointments.. and we dont always get what we want... and we dont always want what we get.. BUT its all in our head... i personally have learnt to appreciate what i have.. and i beleive strongly everthing happens for a reason.. the bad and the good..sometimes its hard to see it.. but eventually u know that its all for the best.. i have decided to be on HAppy mode and not to let anything get to me... its all in my mind.... its all in da membrane....

we shouldnt base our happiness on things that can easily go away or fade.. the first step to being happy is loving yourself for who you are..appreciate the little things in life..

even if ur a couple of pounds overweight/underweight... even if ur not what you wanted to be.. guess what?!

ITS OK!!!!

Its not the end the world!

Remember money gets spent, a man/woman can break your heart, good food makes you fat,drugs can kill you if not cholestrol does!!

Everything fades... everything but GOD... i find my true happiness in my faith... and i feel if you believe God is watching over you and that your part of a bigger plan God has planned for u... then.. ull find inner peace... and that to me is true happiness.. i wouldnt mind a hug bowl of chocolate too heehee

i shall end your torture now... singing * insaane in da membrane... insane in da brain

but i have to admit chocolate does add to my happiness!!! yummy!

CONCLUSION

True happiness is a choice YOU have to make. It is a state of being only you can create and to change your degree of happiness, change your expectations.

Its all in our HEAD!

speaking of head mine is about to explode from this happy talk!!