Sooo who turned 34 ? Ok ok you can flip the numbers I know I’m getting old..*sighs *stretches *neck and back have unexpected spasms 😳 the simplest moves and falls can cause major consequences when you get older😣
So almost a year ago I decided to be a dare devil and try one of those rental scooters on the beach. Even though I was on turtle mode when I fell off I had a concussion many hallucinations and made an Indian song and hurt my shoulder which eventually needed surgery and almost a year later it’s still not better . Hamdila 3ala Salamtee🤣
So I learnt that الكبر عبر.. to no longer attempt to do anything remotely adventurous. I also feel every year I grow the less people I have in my life. I am choosing to be with Dandoona most of time and very few who are my true close friends because I’m so done with small talk and I really value my time . I would rather sit at home in the hole my bumbum has created in our couch ( which is very very deep that soon I’ll reach the floor). So I’d rather sit in my favourite hole doing nothing instead of going out with people who don’t really give a flying buraz about me.
I appreciate deep talks and being with people who don’t require so much energy. Who you can sit with sometimes without even saying a word yet feel you had the best conversation in your life! I am steering away from energy suckers because I barely have enough energy to get off this couch! Ir7amooni
So most of the time I’m on save energy mode or invisible mode. And I feel my life is more peaceful and I deal with less drama.
Being older means you can’t just eat like you did before. Not only do you gain weight بسرعة البرق (In the speed of lightening ) you also might feel contractions from that extra thowme shwerma child in your tummy.
So basically I’m getting older . More impatient. Little bit wiser and definitely if I don’t fix my diet soon I’ll be much fatter very soon and I don’t like most people..
So now that I'm a mom of teens I realize how different this generation is from ours. Now its so normal for kids to school with full makeup and nail extensions. I don't remember when I actually started putting on makeup or using any face care. Even though now I am at an age where I need to have a face care routines I can't commit to daily face care. Most important daily routine is to make sure to remove my morning eye booger. ( ok too much garaf info)
So my teen daughter is invited to a birthday and what is common now is the birthday WISHLIST which I sent to the friends attending the birthday. Let me know write you a few items on that list given to my daughter
CHANEL lip gloss
TOO FACED MASCARA
PRADA PERFUME
RARE BEAUTY HIGHLIGHTER
HUDA BEAUTY PERFUME
DRUNK ELEPHANT ( hmmm shaklo alcoholic)
that's just a few.. and I feel so shocked how now this is the NORM. Never in a million years did I imagine buying this stuff for 10 and 12 or even 15 yr olds! What happened to good old thoughtful gifts that are not super expensive ? I am trying to remember what I used to get when I was their age. Wait I actually didn't even have bday celebrations. Only makeup I was allowed was LABELLO Lip balm and I used to pinch my cheeks to get them red.
Thing is these kids have perfect baby skin that they spend hours applying super expensive creams and serums on. ( creams for anti-aging meant for people like me) They make ( get ready with me vlogs) before school or before going out.
I wasn't allowed a phone at their age and I didnt really go out with my friends or put makeup :S
I just don't want my kids to not value money and to get too caught up in this trend of just buying expensive stuff they don't need that might actually harm them with subjecting their perfect skin to anti-aging chemicals. Many times I can't even justify buying this stuff for myself!
Anyway... just venting here.. Sephora generation.. * tut tut tut * hand on hand like a teta shaking head disappointed then Dino applies labello lip balm and applies vasline on dry cracked heels :P
P.S. when pinching your cheeks to get the natural blush doesn't work feel free to slap yourself or ask someone to slap you haha
So I admit that I am indeed a professional stalker and my friends know if they can’t find info about that certain someone of interest who isn’t on any social media I am surely to be the one to find all the juicy info.
There is some sense of joy and sense of accomplishment you feel when you finally find that valuable information in unlikely places. So here I am admitting that after many years of experience I am officially one of the best online stalkers out there.
When there is a will there is always a way. I am not proud of this.. actually maybe I am. It takes a lot of effort and thinking to find out things 🤣 and this made me wonder if I was ever stalked myself. I’m very easy to find as I have also tried stalking myself to see what will appear to my potential stalkers. I am an open book and this blog is the biggest proof that I share way too much on social media and the internet.
Ok I am not like a psycho who stalks everyone 🤣 just a few who I am curious about and the ones my friends are curious about..
This is basically a confession post.. I’m harmless 🤣
Please don’t block me🤣
P.S there is another Dina al Natour out there who isn’t very friendly and blocked me long time ago when I tried to befriend her 🤣
So after a long eye opening talk with my bestie it came to my attention that no matter how okay i convince myself i am they in reality all the baggage I carry around from many years still has a strong effect on me. Mentally emotionally and physically.
You know how when you are packing to travel and you keep adding small items to your bag thinking the bag will fit then suddenly you are sitting on your bag trying to close the zipper and even if you managed to miraculously close it as soon as you reach the airport your bag breaks open and you have a big mess to deal with. It’s the same with our life issues we think oh it’s okay it’s not a big deal let me just shove it along in my emotional baggage backpack till one day something triggers you and you realize maybe you shouldn’t have packed this much along the way!
I know it’s easier said than done but at least I will try to let go of some of that unecessary excess baggage that will only bring me down as even if it doesn’t show this baggage might eventually cause so much avoidable health issues.
So here I am in attempt to vent and express myself so that I don't keep holding all my feelings inside and end up with more health issues.. So apparently the more you emotionally suppress your feelings the more like you you will end up with an Autoimmune disease ( like Dina Dandoon). So I am someone who has had my share of traumas and slaps in life and I choose to dust myself off and get up again every time and as usual I use comedy to deal with my tragedy. I thought this technique was working up until I was diagnosed with Chron's an Autoimmune disease that pretty much makes you live in the toilet.. & other issues inshala khier
* dina installs mini kitchen and tv in toilet
I usually pretend I'm ok till I believe it.. بكذب الكذبة و بصدقها ( I lie the lie to myself then believe it)
I really do seem fine for a while then some trigger comes along unexpectedly and I'm standing there in the cafe ordering my coffee and I see an old man dressed like my dad same size karoosh same white hair same glasses and find myself crying say il habla saying " one ice latte www ww I th * baraabeer betsharsher
* lady at counter gives Dina look.. Malha hay il majnooneh ( what's wrong with this crazy lady)
So yes I believe it is time to admit that maybe my strategy of LA MALEESH ishi ( nothing is wrong with ) isn't working.
I also always look at others people's stories and there is always someone whose story is worse than you a million times that would pray to be in your shoes.. So I believe I have reached the point of TOXIC positivity where I always find a way to see things in a positive way to save my sanity.. but maybe its ok to allow yourself to feel even if others have it much worse. Their pain doesn't invalidate yours.
People in Palestine and Lebanon are witness a Genocide. The amount of horrific things we see makes us feel guilty for even breathing and going on with our daily life without being able to do anything. Nothing in our life compares to the hell they are in and I know that as a fact.
BUT.. a feeling is a feeling and pain is pain.. knowing you are not experiencing a pain as deep and as strong doesn’t make your pain less real.
One thing I know works for sure is that even if I’m unable to mend my own heart knowing that I can help mend anyone else’s heart by doing what I can makes me heal.
I read something that I loved . Even a broken crayon can still color.. no matter how broken you feel and no matter what you have been through I believe we all still have the ability to mend others and when you help others Allah will help you and reward you in unexpected way that you can never even imagine.
Whenever you give and do good it heals your heart because every good deed no matter how small is rewarded greatly.
All my life I have been told to forgive and forget because forgiving is something you do for yourself to let go of the persons power over you. Forgiveness is something that you do for a bigger reward from Allah who will reward you for your forgiveness because the act of forgiving is such a hard task that will surely be rewarded greatly
I have come to realize that the pain of attempting to forgive those who never even asked me for forgiveness who never ever acknowledged the horrible things they have done, the pain is far worse than actually deciding NOT to forgive. Forgiving them means I am letting my own self down, it means I have pardoned them infront of Allah for any harm they have done and for how they have wronged me.
There are many things that are forgivable but some are so horrible and incomprehensible to the human mind that I believe forgiveness is not an option.
I do not pardon them. I do not forgive the unforgivable things that have happened and I hope those people get what they deserve if not in dunya in al akhira
See you in judgment day.
Mostly in cases where there is " ظلم" and irreversible damage.
As we grow older our tolerance levels are less and less. You start to value your time more and you realize that you really don’t need to waste it on those who don’t appreciate you or put you down. You start to be incapable of “Mujamalat” and unnecessary small talk with people who are just simply toxic for you.
You realize you don’t to justify yourself to anyone and those who really matter usually don’t ask for justifications nor do they leave you feeling guilty for not seeing them as often or calling them. We all have our lives and problems and always know it’s not about the amount of times you see a person a week or the amount of msgs or calls you make. Life will show you who truly cares about you and who doesn’t.
I recently have lost the ability to tolerate a lot of things. Mujamalat. Meaningless gatherings of people falsely pretending they care about you. Maybe it’s the fact that I am over 40!
I cherish my time and i no longer want to waste it in meaningless conversations or with people who surely won’t remain in my life..
Been so long since I blogged.. I feel over the years my blogs have taken a more serious and sadder tone. The older we get the more things we face the harder and the more complicated life seems. We go on a path of trying to get to know ourselves and trying to figure out who we really are.. what we are meant to do in this life... we lose many dear people in our life to death or we part ways for various reasons.
I thought by now I would have my answers but I only have more and more unanswered questions that I think I might not even get the answer to. I long to fill this void in my life yet trying so hard an failing is emotionally exhausting.
I have decided to accept that I might die before understanding this life and why things happened the way they did. I long for that inner peace. After many different kinds of therapy including hypontherapy and some sound healing with a lady banging on something that seems like 6anajer to me.
I have found that the more we dig into our past the more mess we make in our lives. I no longer want to dig into my past traumas trying to find answers and I prefer to keep it all buried in my heart. accept that life is much bigger than me and that it's us that complicate things so much. Life is actually much simpler than we make it. Some questions are better left unanswered.
I will focus on the endless blessings we have every single day. A kiss or a hug from my daughters. laughing with friends till we cry. Sound of the waves. A beautiful sunset. Memories imprinted in my heart. Helping others in everyday I can. Spreading joy and smiles and maybe sometimes yummy food. Knowing that even though sometimes I don't love myself that I am loved. I am surrounded by love and so many blessings and that Allah did not create us in this world to suffer ..yet pain is part of this life and if we didn't feel this deep pain we would not appreciate all the good in our lives. I am thankful for the pain because it made me who I am today. I am thankful for it because it made me wise and made me reevaluate my life. I will be less hard on myself for the mistakes I made and I accept I will still always make mistakes. Im only human and I am on my own journey and no one on their earth has the same exact journey as mine. We all are unique and we all are here for a purpose whether we know it or not. Knowing that even if I don't know it that God has already planned everything for us and that everything is the way it is meant to be.
I pray I and whoever is reading this find that inner peace they need.
Tomorrow would have been your 42nd birthday. I don't know where to start because no words would do you any justice. You were always thoughtful and always made time to comment and write posts about even people you didn't know. I wanted to honor him and do the same because he deserves to be remembered and I wish everyone knew how special he was. I'm sure you are happy now in a better place with your brother who you missed so deeply (his brother passed away in a car accident years ago) Allah yerhamhom.
I still am in shock of the news on your passing and I wait for that comment from you saying it’s all mistake. You once wrote a blogpost about a girl who was struggled with cancer and yet she was resilient and smiled in her photo and you said she must have been extraordinary from the way she fought and from the way people spoke about her. The irony is that you were diagnosed with cancer and I was told you never complained and you kept your illness a secret from many so that you don’t make us sad.
Twitter and people all around the world are talking about you as even those who haven’t met you have loved you from all the great things they heard about you. I hope you knew that you were extraordinary and I doubt there will be anyone like you.
I really don’t know where to begin because inspite of the fact that we have never spoke or even met the news of his passing really shook me and broke my heart. I felt so much sadness because he was one of those very very rare gems. I have known him since abu mahjoob days and then we stayed in touch and followed each other’s blogs and for years he would leave me uplifting, wise and hilarious comments on my posts and even give me the best advice when needed it the most. At some point I think he was only person who left me comments and supported me and many people shared that he did the same for them.
I took his virtual presence for granted and I don’t think he ever really knew how many peoples lives he had changed and how many people who have known him have changed their perspective about Muslims and how a Muslim can be both mo2meneen yet have a sense of humour.
After his passing I found out that he had affected so many lives in real life and virtually and no one that has met him or interacted with him has anything but great words to say about him.
He was a loving husband and always spoke of his love and appreciation for his wife and kids.
He was a loving father of 3 angels.
He was the greatest teacher to many students who were devastated to hear about his passing. I believe he was a teacher in life to all those he met and even just interacted with online.
He was a loyal caring friend who stood by anyone who needed help and no matter how much he had going on in his life he would make time to help others and make them feel seen and important.
He was the only on on my twitter timeline that reminded people of prayer.
Haitham did you know that there is now a twitter account in your name to continue what you started to remind people of prayer times and inshala you will get ajer. He used to gather donations to those in need and I’m sure he did so much more things we don’t know about.
You inspired so many, you loved so deeply, you lived so passionately, no one that ever knew you can ever forget you. You flew away too soon. I hope your tired soul is finally at rest now.
Anyone who knew you was lucky to have known you.
أخي العزيز هيثم. فراقك صعب علينا. موتك وجع قلوبنا لأنك كنت مثل نسمة حلوة تترك وراك ريح طيبة وين ما تروح. تركت اثر في قلوبنا و ما في كلمات تعطيك حقك و كل اشي انحكى فيك قليل. يا رب تكون مرتاح و مبسوط و خلصت من هموم الدنيا.
سبحان من زرع محبتك في قلوب كل الناس الانسان الجميل المتواضع والقلب الطيب والخلق الحسن الوجه البشوش والابتسامة الدايمة تستاهل المحبة و الله يجزيك كل خير على كل انسان أثرت في حياته.
ومن علامات حب الله للعبد القبول في الأرض وهو قبول القلوب له بالمحبة والميل إليه والرضا عنه واعتقادهم فيه الخير وظهرت عليه آثار الإقبال فينظر إليه الناس بعين المودة والتكريم (ذلك فضل الله يؤتيه من يشاء والله ذو الفضل العظيم)
أن يكتب الله -سبحانه وتعالى- لعبده القبول في قلوب الخلق في الحياة الدنيا فيحبّه كل من عايشه ويعرفون فضله وكرامته ويثنون عليه بالخير والصّلاح؛ حيث جاء في الحديث عن رسول الله صلّى الله عليه وسلّم: (إذا أحبَّ الله العبد نادى جبريل: إنّ اللهَ يحبُّ فلاناً فأحبِبْه، فيُحِبُّه جبريلُ، فيُنادي جبريلُ في أهل السّماءِ: إنّ اللهَ يحبُّ فلاناً فأحِبُّوه، فيُحِبُّه أهل السّماء، ثمّ يوضَع له القبولُ في الأرض)
أحسبك عند الله خيرا أخي العزيز .
اللهم ارحم هيثم واسكنه جنة الفردوس الاعلى وافتح له ابواب الجنه يدخل من حيث شاء ولا يشاء الا ان تشاء يارب العالمين اسأل الله العلي العزيز القدير ان يجمعنا به في جنة الفردوس الاعلى مع النبيين والصديقين والشهداء يارب العالمين.
اللهم يا أرحم الراحمين ارحم صديقينا العزيز هيثم و اغفر له و اسكنه فسيح جناتك و اجعل قبره روضة من رياض الجنة و أجعله من رفقاء النبي محمد صلى الله عليه و سلم في جنة الفردوس الأعلى يا رب العالمين
اللهم بشره بجنة عرضها السموات و الأرض اللهم امين
اللهم اربط على قلب أهله و أحبابه.
و اغسله بالماء و البرد و الثلج اللهم اجعل قبره روضه من رياض الجنة اللهم كان محسنا فزد إحسانه اللهم شفع فيه القران و ارحمه يا رحمان يا رحيم.
اللهم املأ قبره بالرضى والنور، والفسحة والسرور. اللهم تجاوز عن سيئاته وزد في حسناته، وأحسن لقاءه، واجعل العمل الصالح رفيقه، وأبدله داراً خيراً
Happy Birthday in Heaven Dear Brother
I didn't know how to help other than pray for you I want you to know there is going to be a well in your name inshala very soon and inshala will be في ميزان حسناتك
Here are a few of many things people had to say about you.
Never did I imagine having to write this blog :(
إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون
. اللهم صبر أهله على فراقه و على ما إبتلاهم. اللهم أربط على قلوبهم
A question we all have heard and endless number of times but the truth is is anyone really ever truly OKAY? Aren’t we all messed up and trying to figure out life day by day?
I usually smile and say Ofcourse I’m okay and if I’m not I will be okay.
I hid my feelings in a bottle and hid it in the depth of my soul.. I locked it away and hid it even from myself and convinced myself it is not there but I think the feelings are getting too toxic that this bottle will soon shatter into a million pieces inside of me as there is no inch left inside of me that has not been tainted with hurtful words and experiences.
I mask it all with a smile . A joke. I am able to convince everyone I’m totally okay as I’ve always been. Truth is I don’t really think I ever was ‘okay’ I have to stay strong and life has to go on. Too many people depend on me and need me to be strong. Everyone has their own troubles and own pain to worry about so I must keep this mask on because there is no other option.
Some days I’m able to fool people better than others but recently I’ve just been feeling that I buried my feelings so deep down that I’m not sure what I feel anymore. I feel there is an army of my trapped feelings planning an escape and that when I least expect it they will break down those walls I’ve spent so long building . It’s like expecting yajooj wa majooj to attack at any second.
We have to feel it to heal it—we have to fully experience the emotion in order to process and integrate it into our experience.
Don’t know when and don’t know what the trigger will be but I know that it’s coming when I least expect it to.
So what I’m saying is that it’s okay not be okay.. Okay?
It's been over a week since my father passed away Allah yerhamo. Everyday I wake up and the first thought is 'my dad died!' Some might think death comes easier when it is expected but sadly it isn't easy to lose someone you love even if death might come as relief of years of pain.
You are gone.. every time I say this out loud its like I am finding out for the first time. I still can't process the idea that my dad is gone. Sadly I missed him even when he was alive as for years he was was not the same as he used to be.
I feel that I lost him twice. I lost him 13 years ago when he first got the brain stroke and was fully paralyzed and unable to speak or write. Trapped in his body and bedridden for 13 years.
Its hard to comprehend the permanence of death and how it is irreversible. Death is too final and ambiguity of it all is frightening. No one came back from the dead to tell us what really happens to us after death and it always remain في علم الغيب.
Death comes with regret of the things your could of done and could have said. Death comes with thoughts of unfinished conversations and broken promises. Somehow with unresolved feelings and unanswered questions you will feel stuck in your grief. You wonder if there is anything you could have done to make things end up differently. You regret all the times you missed out on spending time with your father. In the end we know everything happens the way it was written by Allah and we say al Hamdullilah for everything.
The fact that you will never be able to see them again or touch them or smell them again is so hard to wrap your mind around it. I miss your cheeks and your face. I miss the look in your eyes and your smile when you hear something that you find surprisingly funny. I will never forget how you held my hand and held it close to your heart as if you were telling me you loved me and were happy I was by your side . You were unable to speak but I felt your words.
Now I lost him for good and his presence in my life and the glimpse of hope of him ever coming back again. He was trapped in his body for years and was suffering so much everyday. Maybe I was foolish to think he would ever be the same again. I used to dream of him magically recovering and saying all the things I wish he would say.
He was many great things but the most trait I can remember about him was his endless acts of humanity and empathy with others especially those who were in need or those who were wronged or مظلومين. He had high principles and a sense of righteousness that was unshakable. He had the kindest heart and was generous and never hesitated in helping anyone in need. He used to put people before himself and whenever he enjoyed anything he had to share it with the people he loved to truly feel happy.
It's been years since I heard your voice. I don't remember the sound of your laugh and I slowly feel memories of you are slipping away from my mind. I feel so horrible that I can't remember certain details about the way you used to be before your stroke. I feel such regret for not writing down the epic stories you shared with me about your childhood down because no one else can know them but you.
I miss the wisdom in your words and just being in your presence. Your existence gave me a certain calming feeling that it will always be okay. Now I feel lost and alone and the heaviness in my heart weighs me down so that everyday getting out of bed is hard. I feel you were on my side and even though after your illness you were not really the same. There was a certain consolation that you were still alive and that deep inside you were there and that one day you will possibly be better again and I can tell you about the pain I felt in your sickness and how much I needed you by side. There is a comfort only you could have given me. I will forever miss and long for that feeling.
A part of me died with you and I'm not sure if I will be capable of being fully happy ever again. Like there is a hole in my heart, an emptiness, a darkness that spreads all over me. I'm okay during the day going on with my regular daily routine because I somehow block these thoughts and I am in denial.
Suddenly a thought comes to my mind and I'm reminded of this feeling and I feel like I'm falling in place in a deep hole of anger, confusion and sadness. There are so many things we never got to do together. I feel he died before he actually let himself live.
I have been wronged by those who are the closest to me, those whom I thought I could run to comfort me and they doubt my intentions and all I can think of is that you would have never ever done this to me. You wouldn't even allow these things to happen if you were alive and well.
I need you more than ever and I miss you more than ever.
I still remember my last visit after I knew you were diagnosed with lymphoma. I knew in my heart this could be the last time I saw you. I stared at your face and hands trying to memorize how they look, every wrinkle, every line, knowing I might never hold your hand or kiss your face again.
I will always carry your pain and suffering in my heart. You will always be my superhero the man I look up . The man who was my first love and my backbone. The man who worked all his life and stopped at nothing to provide for his family and to ensure that we live the best life and had all the things he didn't have growing up. I am forever thankful to have had an amazing father. I am thankful that my children got to meet you and play with you in-spite of your illness. I could tell from the look in your eyes and your smile how happy you were to have met your granddaughters. I will tell them about you and what a great man you were always. I can’t bear the thought that my children will not have their grandfather around when they are adults but I'm happy the met you. I promise to live to make you proud. Whenever I do anything good in life it will always come back to you as you were the inspiration to always do good and to give and to never ever look down on anyone.
I love you always and I will pray for you everyday.
Insha2Allah you are in a better place with no pain where you can walk and talk and eat all the yummy food you used to love to eat. I hope by writing this it helps me get a step close to accepting this deeps loss.. You are a loss to the world and not just to me
لهم ارحمه تحت الأرض و يوم العرض عليك، اللهم قه عذابك يوم تبعث عبادك. اللهمّ املأ قبره بالرّضا، والنّور، والفسحة، والسّرور. اللهم ادخله الجنة من غير مناقشة حساب، ولا سابقة عذاب، اللهم آنسه في وحدته، وآنس وحشته. اللهم ان كان من المحسنين فزد فى حسناته و إن كان من المسيئين فتجاوز عن سيئاته.
We justify their toxic behavior because we always tend to look at the good side of people and the good they do. And sometimes those people really care about you and love you but still doesn't meant that they cant be toxic for you.
How many times has your friend come to you and told you about she has been mistreated and you just feel so angry because in the end when you don't walk away from it you are allowing it. And sometimes we allow it because we think we deserve it. You then you wonder that if this happened to you would you feel this strongly about it? Would you be this angry or do you feel you deserve this treatment? If the same thing was done to you would you react the same way if it was done to someone you care about? your daughter? ohhhh HELL NO
And why is it that you take peoples mistreatment to yourself so lightly??
Why is it that you allow others to take advantage of you and control you and justify their actions?
Because... you lack SELF RESPECT!
It's likely that you are a kind helpful person by nature, and sometimes you
allow people to take advantage of you, because you're nice and you want
to be a people pleaser. Stop this pattern! it's killing your SELF RESPECT and will only let people step all over you. so what you need to do is :
1. Recognize when someone is taking advantage of your time or kindness.
2. Act. Say something. SPEAK UP.
For Ex. Someone calls ans asks you to do work for free whether its a logo design or an event or any service people usually PAY for. They don't bring up payment. They say things like " oh this is actually good for you and i'll tell all my friends about your work" AS if they are doing YOU a favor by letting you do the work for FREE. Next time you are in a situation like this, friend or not.
You say : " that's great i would love to help you but i will email you a quotation for approval." If they keep insisting on free work you say since you are my friend and i will give you a discount. If they get upset, they are not your true friends.
3. Pay attention to little details that you let go.
For ex: More than once i would be out with people and not eat and maybe just have a drink while many order shisha and some even order STEAK and in the end they divide the bill equally. And you end up not speaking up because you feel it would make you look bad to say something. But in reality.. YOU Should not pay 295 AED for a cup of diet seven up and bread and butter.
So that is just one example.
Once i was sitting with a group of girls, and one of the bossy girls was next to me. Her friend arrived late and when she arrived she looked at me and said " Dina get up and give your seat to her so she sits next to me". i didn't even think twice, i got up and gave the girl my seat. It was only later it hit me.. SHE should have gotten up. I was sitting there before her. It was MY SEAT. So why did i just not say "Sorry i was here first if you want to sit next to her maybe you can move". Because not speaking up even though you think its to avoid problems it is not a solution. Every time you don't speak up it adds a bad feeling about yourself in your heart because each time you don't speak up YOU disrespect yourself and allow people to DISRESPECT you.
I was sent this very powerful video that i believe everyone needs to watch and i will translate it to those who do not understand arabic. Detox is not only with food but with people and your relationship with others and she talks about the kinds of people you need to cut out of your life ( unless if they are family like your mom or sister or relatives). We are talking about unhealthy toxic friendships and this video will help you recognize these people. I will add some of my points as well :)
The kinds of toxic people you need to get our of your life
1. il 7ardaneen ( ones who are always upset from you)
Someone who is always upset from you and never ever pleased. People who make you feel you are not good enough. Who always question your "niya" and good intentions. They make you feel like you did a crime when you would not have done anything. You find yourself constantly worried that you upset them. You find yourself doubting your own self and feeling always that you are not good enough. They will never be please and sometimes they are not bad people but this kind of person is toxic and will only make you feel bad always.
2. Pack your bags cause you are about to go on a GUILT TRIP.
Someone who always "بعاتبك" means that they always come to you saying things like " Why did you not call me yesterday or why haven't i heard from you in so long? Don't you care?" Again this is all to make you feel guilty and those people will never ever accept any excuse and make you feel bad no matter what excuse you tell them. True friends don't judge and they don't even need to hear your excuse.
People who sit with you and are just simply negative. In their outlook in life. Negative about other people. We are like sponges and every person gives out a certain energy. They have endless complains about everything and have the ability to turn every situation into a negative one.
Negativity is incredibly harmful and contagious.
So just like you are careful to stay away from someone with Infeunza al tyooor or al khanazer or someday al bagar. You need to stay away from these people because before you know it you will such a weight on your chest and somehow their negativity moves on to you.
Human beings are like sponges and we will only absorb the energy surrounding us.
4. The Meanies
This category is not always as obvious as you think. They are those people who pretend to be your friends but seem to always put you down. Negative comments on your appearance. Negative comments on anything you do. Maybe its because of their insecurities. I had a friend who used to tell me i look like Lilo and stitch. not the girl ....the alien
There are those who just find ways to put you down. You tell them " Look i just won a wordwide logo competition!" Their reply would be something like this " Oh really.. are you sure its worldwide? cause maybe its one of those online things that only loser graphic designers join online" ermmm
Those people can't even stand to see you receive a compliment by someone else infront of them.
Somone else : Dina you look so great!
( Negative Person) : Oh you didn't see how she looked yesterday?!!
I know it might seem hard to just cut these people out of your life. Especially if you have known them for so long. But after a while the continuous negative effect on your life will make your feel like you are " makhnoo2a" ( suffocating). And you realize the reasons you have for keeping in your life are not good enough.
Take that step. Just walk away. Feel Empowered again. Take back control of your life and RESPECT YOURSELF! And most of all you need to teach your children about this and about boundaries and how people should always respect you and your boundaries.
Think of all the time you have wasted in "muajamalat" and doing things for people who don't deserve it rather than doing the things for the people you love and seeing the people you love.
You can never get that time back. Use your precious time wisely. Most of all LOVE YOURSELF
Closure : the psychology definition is a person's desire for a direct
answer to a question that, once answered, leaves no room for
uncertainty. When a person has a "need" for closure, we're saying that the
person is looking for answers they need to clear up any
doubts they may have so they can move on.
You feel you can only move on if you understood why things happened. Like why that certain friend treated you the way they did and if there was something you could have done to fix it or if you were to blame. Why that someone crushed your heart even though they saw the best of you. You wonder you put yourself in that situation and allowed certain things to happen to you and wish you reacted differently to change things.
You find yourself in a vicious cycle of doubts, questions,self blame, guilt and most of all you feel trapped and have the need to hear those answers, to hear that sincere apology or explanation, admission of guilt. Half of you wants to cry, half of you would do anything to get rid of those feelings. You feel like shizophrenic because you have so many mixed feelings.
Sometimes even the person you need closure from gets sick or is unable to speak or passes away along with all your unanswered questions. Sometimes they are alive and well but you would never confront them with these questions. You need to make peace with yourself & you need to forgive yourself for the things you never said to that person and probably will never will say.
Yet we still find ourselves dwelling in the past and feeling like we still need closure about certain things we have been through. Whether its a very bad experience that you somehow found a way to blame yourself for or just an experience we never really got over. You have to know it is normal that we sometimes cling onto what once
was and have the need to have certain unanswered questions answered.
But you need to accept that loving and caring about someone is not a good
enough reason to be with them if their friendship or relationship is
harming you.
Most of the time in life you will never get those answers
and truth of the matter is closure and moving should not depend on those
answers.
Closure comes from within yourself and you are the one that has set your own expectations to move on.
Acknowledge that moving on can happen whether or not those things you feel you need to happen happen.
You find yourself even if years later when you think of that someone and the pain is still there and you realize by never allowing yourself to get closure you have not allowed yourself to heal.
Whether its someone who broke your heart in the past or a friend you very attached to that isn't part of your life anymore. You need to accept that whatever happened has happened for a reason and that it is for the best. You need to believe that there is no point in pointing fingers and asking questions that maybe you actually would not like to hear the answers to. Talking about it or confronting them might do more harm than good.
I have learned how to find closure within myself instead of looking to someone else to give it to me.
If a man cheats on you its not because of something you lack or because you are not pretty enough or good enough. If a friend doesn't appreciate you its not because you are not worthy of appreciation. If someone mistreats you or hurts you it is not because you deserve it or because you allowed it.
What consumes your mind controls your life.
Gain back control over your life and do not give anyone that much power.
Getting closure is not easy but once you realize the power is in your hands it will be easier for you to move on.
It has been so long since i wrote but i feel there has been a change in me and my experiences have taught me so many lessons that i would like to share with you.
One of the most important lessons i have learnt is knowing my self worth. All my life i have not put myself and my needs and my wants as a priority. Everyone comes first and i always have been a people pleaser and have always gone way beyond even my way to please everyone. Ofcourse no one is ever pleased and i just end up exhausted and hurt by the same people who i have spent so much of my time and efforts pleasing. Ofcourse you do good not for them only but for Allah and knowing that its human nature to help each other. Do not expect them to return your favor and know Allah will return it to you. But doing good is one thing and prioritizing someone elses favors over your needs is something else. Learn to acknowledge your self worth and to say NO without needing to justify it. Sometimes saying No just because you simply don't feel like it is totally fine. Saying No does not make you selfish.
You will meet people who will give you certain expectations from you and when you fail to meet those expectations they will make you feel guilty for things you are not supposed to be guilty for. You find yourself in a cycle of negative feelings and you stay friends with them because you know they sincerly care about you and they don't intentionally want to hurt you. After a while you realize that just because someone is kind and nice and has a good heart doesn't mean their presence in your life is going to have the same nice effect. Sometimes nice people can be toxic too. You find yourself worried all the time that they will be upset from you. You know that one mistake you make they will cross you out of their life because you have failed them yet again without knowing.
True friends shouldn't have this kind of effect on you and friends are people you go to to escape your daily drama dose and not people who add more stress and negative feelings to you. Choose your friends wisely and when you feel someone is always leaving you with a negative feeling then its time to walk away and put yourself first. Cut out toxic people who bring you down. It’s harsh but it’s not worth having people around you who do nothing but bring you down.
I have always had a need to be liked by others and finally i realized that not everyone will like you and that is totally okay. Who cares? Surely YOU shouldn't.
No One is Perfect
I am aware of my negative voice in my head that always puts me down and tells me things like
OH you are not good enough as a mom. It actually have the power to turn even positive compliments into insults. There is no one that is perfect and what you see on social media and what is obvious is usually far from the truth. SO when you find your negative voice in your head creeping you i want you to say :
I believe each one of us has an inner radar and you should never ignore it or suppress it. Your instinct is based on information that your brain has gathered either consciously or subconsciously from
patterns of behavior and experiences you have been through.
When you loweryour expectations you wont be as disappointed in life and actually when something you don't expect happens you will appreciate it more. Most of all don't expect people to react like you in certain situations.
There are many signs that you are in a toxic relationship whether its with a friend or a partner and these signs are signs we tend to ignore or justify somehow. If you have a friend that you cant talk to without feeling like you are walking on eggshells in each conversation you have because they seem to get upset all the time. If you find yourself feeling so negative about yourself, worried and anxious because of how this person seems to manipulate you into making you feel guilty for the simplest things. Friendship is not measured by how long you have known the person or by how much time you spend together but how you feel with that person.
When you make a choice to walk away it will be very hard at first especially because of memories of those good times is not a bad thing, it’s actually
great that you had some positive experiences. But the toxicity will
outweigh the good times, and you will realize that there are better
times ahead with people who are better for you.
When you leave your toxic relationship, you will feel an extreme sense of relief.
You’ll be proud of the decision you made to leave and feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you will wonder why you put up with this feeling for so long and you will look back and wonder how you stayed for so long. You’ll be
thankful for the experience that you had and that you learned so much
from it. You’ll see their life progress from afar and be happy for them,
but happier for yours.
Exercise and try new things and make time for yourself and know that even your children will learn to value themselves when they see that you value yourself and your health and have time for yourself. Teach them to love themselves by learning to love yourself. I personally found that boxing is the best therapy and exercise and i highly recommend. ( mostly after you have done math homework with the kids )
People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Respect and love yourself and others will do the same.
Forgive yourself. Forgive those who have wronged you no matter how hard it is to forgive them because just means that you've made peace with the pain, and you are ready to let it go. Forgiveness is not something we do for others it's something we do for ourselves.
So again i found myself in a situation where i did someone a favor and then after doing it i asked myself.. " HEY? Did they even appreciate what i did? Would they ever do the same for me? Would i even ever ask them to do such a thing ? Do i feel better or worse after doing this?
I have realized that pretty much all my life i have had trouble saying "NO" and not only that i feel that i can't say NO.. I feel like to say NO i need to have a like a life threatening situation. When i say NO i feel like i have to justify it so many times because i wouldnt want that person asking me to do the favor to be upset. I spend my time trying to please others and i get out of my way and i prioritize others over myself.
I have started to realize that being a people pleaser doesnt make people like you more or respect you more. It actually makes them belittle you more and in arabic " ما بعملولك حساب"
Who should we ask to do this huge unthinkable favor? DINA? why because she will say YES!
I remember in University days a girl i barely knew asked me to drop her off to her house which is very far from university and I had a class! She kept asking me to drop her off i missed my class just so i can drop her back home. I don't know what i was thinking and if i was thinking even but i know for sure i would never ask someone to do that for me. I also know that the girl never really cared about me or appreciated what i did for her.
I have been in this situation so many times and in the end i used to tell myself "Do it for Allah" and that Allah will reward you if you do good deeds. Truth is that way of thinking doesn't always make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel better because the things i do for others are not exactly charity work and i dont consider the favors i do real needs. They are usually just people who feel entitled and feel that the world owes them a favor. They come up and ask you to do something like " hey why don't you design a logo or invitation for me since you are fabulous designer. And you tell yourself okay i will do it and you think its a nice gesture.
They end up spending hours and hours tweaking your work and talking to you like they are your boss and in the end you are surprised that when they start thier own business one day and you want to support them by buying something from them they don't even offer you a discount because business is business right?
Or even worse they decide after the many hours you spent on the design that they don't want do this business afterall and they dont need the design.
What i have realized is that the problem was never people who take advantage of you. The real problem is knowing yourself worth and knowing that your time is precious and you get to decide what you want to do with it.
Know that if someone asks you to do something you can do EASILY and you just dont feel like doing it because you would rather stare at a WALL! YOU CAN SAY NO!
Know that those who most likely ask you do extreme favors that you would never ask them to do most likely have just called you for that favor and only call your when they need something.
Never agree to do something that you yourself would never ask someone to do for you.
Charity and good deeds can be done at your own time when you want to do them and don't come in a form of favors for others .
Never prioritize someone else needs over your own or your family and know that the most important thing is you and your family.
No one will ever out you above themselves.
Remember you can always say NO.. BiDEESH without even justifying it and feeling the need to justify it.
I have noticed those who give off the " im entitled" vibe don't only get what they want, others actually feel like they deserve it! They want everything to end up their way and feel superior somehow. They live with the belief that they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment by others.
Always remember that people will only do to you what YOU allow them to. And doing a favor shouldnt be the reason someone likes you or disklikes you. If they choose to dislike you for not agreeing to do thier favor maybe they were never really your friends in the first place.
Know your SelfWorth. Respect Yourself. Love Yourself and Put yourself and your Family First.
Help Others always but on your own terms and when YOU willingly want to and not because they manipiluated you or made you feel that you MUST.
I feel in life there are those who are Belittled and those who feel Entitled.
Which one are you?
And that my dears is what i call my SELF Therapy Session of the night.
