Sunday, June 16, 2019

Feelings..te ra ra.. nothing more than feelings

Feelings. Or lack of feelings. Too much feelings that are unexplained or feelings that don't make sense.  Feeling unworthy or unappreciated, disappointed, happy, content. Feeling angry. Feeling sad.

 We experience so many feelings everyday and we often don't realize that we don't even know what or why we are feeling the way we do. As we grow older and understand ourselves better we begin to understand that it is very important to know what you are feeling and why you are feeling the way you do to be able to control it. Just like any pain we feel in our body it is an ache that needs to be treated.

If we have a constant ache in our heart bottled up inside us it will not go away if we don't do anything about it. If we have serious attachment issues to people in our lives or that were in our lives we need to understand the source of this need of attachment because most likely everything we feel, even it might seem to be about the other person, it is mostly a feeling that comes from an inner NEED that WE have. It might actually not even have to do with that person.

Its like a baby that is used to sleeping only with a pacifier. One day they remove the pacifier and the baby has tantrums because he believes he can't sleep without it. He found comfort and to him this pacifier was what made him sleep. After a few days the baby will adjust to sleeping without it and soothing without it because in reality to sleep he doesn't need the pacifier. We deal with attachment issues from the day we are born. We cry when we leave the womb. We cry when we leave our parents. We cry when we lose our favorite blanket. Its endless.

Some people come in our lives and comfort us and give us the emotional support we need and one day we realize life moves on and that they can't be a part of our lives anymore and we might feel like that baby who just lost his pacifier or blanket and believe that we can only feel happiness and comfort with them in our lives or we can realize that our happens does not rely on their love or their existence in our lives. Appreciate the good memories and know that their presence in your life was essential to make you the person that you are and to teach you the lessons you have learned. I am thankful for those who have touched my life and my heart even if they broke it. 

    Most importantly know that your life is how it was meant to be and that Allah makes no mistakes and has chosen this life for you. Know that everything is for the best and for a reason that you might not understand sometimes but having faith in Allah's choices for you is what will give you comfort in your heart. 

As a parent we worry about our children and we protect them and we don't always give them what they want because we know what is best for them. They will have tantrums and they will have melt downs but in the end we make these choices to protect them and Allah has made our choice for us and whether or not we understand why things happened the way the did in our lives we need to believe it always for the best.

Al Hamdulilah :)

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Shifting Focus

 The older we get the more life makes sense to us and the more we understand a lot of things. I want to share my experiences with you in hope that somehow i can help people who were in a place i was before find this clarity that i have found just recently.

 I know i am an emotional person and i am very sensitive and sometimes dramatic about how i feel and as the egyptians say can " 2a3mel min il 7aba 2oba". But what i also have become aware of is that i tend to focus on negative things in myself and that focus on the negative aspects of anything makes it hard to see the positive.

  I am aware of my self confidence issues and how i have lived my life as a people pleaser. I am aware of the many mistakes i have done throughout the years and mostly are caused by not knowing my self worth.

I realized that i measured my self worth by the way people treated me and by how much love i received from the people i care about it.

 Not feeling loved or feeling rejected only makes a person feel unworthy or not good enough.

I felt i needed to work to deserve someones love. I always felt the constant need to change something in myself to be GOOD ENOUGH.

I focused on all the negative things said to me and overlooked the many compliments and positives.

I focused on what i have no achieved rather than what i have.

I focused on what i did not have rather than many man things that i did.

I focused on the harsh words that were said to me in a moment of anger.

I focused on my many mistakes and regrets.

When we grow up you realize the world is not black or white.  People are not just GOOD or BAD.
Things are not just simple and most of the time things are too complicated to be simplified that way.

Sometimes a person can be holding a ROSE in their hand but are only focused on it's thorns.

Let's not let the thorns that hurt us take our attention from the many roses we have in our lives.

      There is no Black or White.. our lives are technicolored.

Focus on loving yourself and believing YOU ARE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH and that no one should make you doubt that! Have you forgotten who made you ? ALLAH!! SWT! So you must be exactly the way you were meant to be!!

SHIFT your focus to the positive things in your life and the people in it and it will instantly get better.

Friday, November 30, 2018

Detox Your Life

If the year 2018 was anything for me it was a journey of self discovery and awareness. Suddenly many truths have become clear to me and i started seeing many things the way they are rather than how i feel they are or how i feel they should be. 

All my life i have been a people pleaser and i am a giver and i love to give and giving and helping others brings me joy. Unfortunately looking back at my experiences in life most of them have ended badly with disappointments and people taking advantage of kindess. They know you will not say NO. So they ask you to do things that you are shocked they ask you to do. Yet in-spite of that shock of them asking you to do these incredibly HUGE favors you say YES because they asked so nicely and because they are your friends and because well you feel maybe you want to help. 

Before you know it something happens and you realize that that person would never return the favor or even appreciate it. They have reached a point where you doing these things has become something expected from you and not something you are thanked for even. 

You continue to do good and know Allah will return it to you but yet you mature and start to realize that you can say NO. 

Reminds me of this Hadith : 

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال‏:‏ قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ ‏ "‏ المؤمن القوي خير وأحب إلى الله من المؤمن الضعيف وفي كل خير‏.‏ احرص على ما ينفعك، واستعن بالله ولا تعجز‏.‏ وإن أصابك شيء فلا تقل‏:‏ لو أني فعلت كان كذا وكذا، ولكن قل‏:‏ قدر الله، وما شاء فعل؛ فإن لو تفتح عمل الشيطان‏"‏ ‏(‏‏(‏ رواه مسلم‏)‏‏)‏‏

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak one, and both are good. Adhere to that which is beneficial for you. Keep asking Allah for help and do not refrain from it. If you are afflicted in any way, do not say: 'If I had taken this or that step, it would have resulted into such and such,' but say only: 'Allah so determined and did as He willed.' The word 'if' opens the gates of satanic thoughts".

So being a good muslim doesn't mean being a pushover. Being a good person doesn't mean never saying NO. Even Allah loves a strong mu2min more than a weak one. Being strong is by standing up to yourself. Being strong is not being afraid to say what is right and what is wrong. SayYes when you want to and make it on your terms and not theirs.
I have come a long way and i am still learning but in school now my daughter is dealing with a girl who is bullying her. I spoke to the mom and i thought it was resolved till i found out that the only difference has become that my daughter has been afraid to speak up and listened to everything this girl tell her to do including laughing at other kids. Threatening her saying if she doesn't she will tell secrets about her and get her in trouble. I know my Lulu is very kind. She just wants to have friends and she even told me the girl makes her carry her bag! You know as a mother sometimes there are things that happen to us and people mistreat us in life but if someone hurts my daughter... they have unleashed... the inner HULK

    And i realized that she is a copy of me and i don't want her to go through years and year of people taking advantage of her and living in fear of being rejected or not loved. I think we should bring this awareness to our children because even as adults we might not realize the many toxic people we have in our life. We should stop this need for being loved by everyone.

We justify their toxic behavior because we always tend to look at the good side of people and the good they do. And sometimes those people really care about you and love you but still doesn't meant that they cant be toxic for you.

How many times has your friend come to you and told you about she has been mistreated and you just feel so angry because in the end when you don't walk away from it you are allowing it. And sometimes we allow it because we think we deserve it. You then you wonder that if this happened to you would you feel this strongly about it? Would you be this angry or do you feel you deserve this treatment? If the same thing was done to you would you react the same way if it was done to someone you care about? your daughter? ohhhh HELL NO

And why is it that you take peoples mistreatment to yourself so lightly??
Why is it that you allow others to take advantage of you and control you and justify their actions?

Because... you lack SELF RESPECT! 

It's likely that you are a kind helpful person by nature, and sometimes you allow people to take advantage of you, because you're nice and you want to be a people pleaser. Stop this pattern! it's killing your SELF RESPECT and will only let people step all over you.  so what you need to do is :

1. Recognize when someone is taking advantage of your time or kindness.

2. Act. Say something. SPEAK UP.

For Ex. Someone calls ans asks you to do work for free whether its a logo design or an event or any service people usually PAY for. They don't bring up payment. They say things like " oh this is actually good for you and i'll tell all my friends about your work" AS if they are doing YOU a favor by letting you do the work for FREE. Next time you are in a situation like this, friend or not.

You say : " that's great i would love to help you but i will email you a quotation for approval." If they keep insisting on free work you say since you are my friend and i will give you a discount. If they get upset, they are not your true friends.

3. Pay attention to little details that you let go.

For ex: More than once i would be out with people and not eat and maybe just have a drink while many order shisha and some even order STEAK and in the end they divide the bill equally. And you end up not speaking up because you feel it would make you look bad to say something. But in reality.. YOU Should not pay 295 AED for a cup of diet seven up and bread and butter.
So that is just one example. 

Once i was sitting with a group of girls, and one of the bossy girls was next to me. Her friend arrived late and when she arrived she looked at me and said " Dina get up and give your seat to her so she sits next to me". i didn't even think twice, i got up and gave the girl my seat. It was only later it hit me.. SHE should have gotten up. I was sitting there before her. It was MY SEAT. So why did i just not say "Sorry i was here first if you want to sit next to her maybe you can move". Because not speaking up even though you think its to avoid problems it is not a solution. Every time you don't speak up it adds a bad feeling about yourself in your heart because each time you don't speak up YOU disrespect yourself and allow people to DISRESPECT you.

I was sent this very powerful video that i believe everyone needs to watch and i will translate it to those who do not understand arabic. Detox is not only with food but with people and your relationship with others and she talks about the kinds of people you need to cut out of your life ( unless if they are family like your mom or sister or relatives). We are talking about unhealthy toxic friendships and this video will help you recognize these people. I will add some of my points as well :)

The kinds of toxic people you need to get our of your life 

1.  il 7ardaneen ( ones who are always upset from you)

Someone who is always upset from you and never ever pleased. People who make you feel you are not good enough. Who always question your "niya" and good intentions. They make you feel like you did a crime when you would not have done anything. You find yourself constantly worried that you upset them. You find yourself doubting your own self and feeling always that you are not good enough. They will never be please and sometimes they are not bad people but this kind of person is toxic and will only make you feel bad always.

2. Pack your bags cause you are about to go on a GUILT TRIP.

Someone who always "بعاتبك" means that they always come to you saying things like " Why did you not call me yesterday or why haven't i heard from you in so long? Don't you care?" Again this is all to make you feel guilty and those people will never ever accept any excuse and make you feel bad no matter what excuse you tell them.  True friends don't judge and they don't even need to hear your excuse.

 People who sit with you and are just simply negative. In their outlook in life. Negative about other people. We are like sponges and every person gives out a certain energy. They have endless complains about everything and have the ability to turn every situation into a negative one.

                                     Negativity is incredibly harmful and contagious.

  So just like you are careful to stay away from someone with Infeunza al tyooor or al khanazer or someday al bagar. You need to stay away from these people because before you know it you will such a weight on your chest and somehow their negativity moves on to you. 

               Human beings are like sponges and we will only absorb the energy surrounding us. 

4. The Meanies 

 This category is not always as obvious as you think. They are those people who pretend to be your friends but seem to always put you down. Negative comments on your appearance. Negative comments on anything you do. Maybe its because of their insecurities. I had a friend who used to tell me i look like Lilo and stitch. not the girl ....the alien

There are those who just find ways to put you down. You tell them " Look i just won a wordwide logo competition!" Their reply would be something like this " Oh really.. are you sure its worldwide? cause maybe its one of those online things that only loser graphic designers join online" ermmm

Those people can't even stand to see you receive a compliment by someone else infront of them.
Somone else : Dina you look so great!
( Negative Person) : Oh you didn't see how she looked yesterday?!!

I know it might seem hard to just cut these people out of your life. Especially if you have known them for so long. But after a while the continuous negative effect on your life will make your feel like you are " makhnoo2a" ( suffocating). And you realize the reasons you have for keeping in your life are not good enough.

Take that step. Just walk away. Feel Empowered again. Take back control of your life and RESPECT YOURSELF! And most of all you need to teach your children about this and about boundaries and how people should always respect you and your boundaries.

Think of all the time you have wasted in "muajamalat" and doing things for people who don't deserve it rather than doing the things for the people you love and seeing the people you love. 

You can never get that time back. Use your precious time wisely. Most of all LOVE YOURSELF

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Closer to Closure


 Closure : the psychology definition is a person's desire for a direct answer to a question that, once answered, leaves no room for uncertainty. When a person has a "need" for closure, we're saying that the person is looking for answers they need to clear up any doubts they may have so they can move on.


You feel you can only move on if you understood why things happened. Like why that certain friend treated you the way they did and if there was something you could have done to fix it or if you were to blame. Why that someone crushed your heart even though they saw the best of you. You wonder you put yourself in that situation and allowed certain things to happen to you and wish you reacted differently to change things.


You find yourself in a vicious cycle of doubts, questions,self blame, guilt and most of all you feel trapped and have the need to hear those answers, to hear that sincere apology or explanation, admission of guilt. Half of you wants to cry, half of you would do anything to get rid of those feelings. You feel like shizophrenic because you have so many mixed feelings.


Sometimes even the person you need closure from gets sick or is unable to speak or passes away along with all your unanswered questions. Sometimes they are alive and well but you would never confront them with these questions. You need to make peace with yourself & you need to forgive yourself for the things you never said to that person and probably will never will say.

Yet we still find ourselves dwelling in the past and feeling like we still need closure about certain things we have been through. Whether its a very bad experience that you somehow found a way to blame yourself for or just an experience we never really got over. You have to know it is normal that we sometimes cling onto what once was and have the need to have certain unanswered questions answered.

But you need to accept that loving and caring about someone is not a good enough reason to be with them if their friendship or relationship is harming you.

 Most of the time in life you will never get those answers and truth of the matter is closure and moving should not depend on those answers. 

Closure comes from within yourself and you are the one that has set your own expectations to move on. 

Acknowledge that moving on can happen whether or not those things you feel you need to happen happen.

You find yourself even if years later when you think of that someone and the pain is still there and you realize by never allowing yourself to get closure you have not allowed yourself to heal.

Whether its someone who broke your heart in the past or a friend you very attached to that isn't part of your life anymore. You need to accept that whatever happened has happened for a reason and that it is for the best. You need to believe that there is no point in pointing fingers and asking questions that maybe you actually would not like to hear the answers to. Talking about it or confronting them might do more harm than good.

I have learned how to find closure within myself instead of looking to someone else to give it to me.

If a man cheats on you its not because of something you lack or because you are not pretty enough or good enough. If a friend doesn't appreciate you its not because you are not worthy of appreciation. If someone mistreats you or hurts you it is not because you deserve it or because you allowed it. 

What consumes your mind controls your life.
 Gain back control over your life and do not give anyone that much power. 

Getting closure is not easy but once you realize the power is in your hands it will be easier for you to move on.


Friday, November 16, 2018

Life Lessons I've Learned

It has been so long since i wrote but i feel there has been a change in me and my experiences have taught me so many lessons that i would like to share with you.


One of the most important lessons i have learnt is knowing my self worth. All my life i have not put myself and my needs and my wants as a priority. Everyone comes first and i always have been a people pleaser and  have always gone way beyond even my way to please everyone. Ofcourse no one is ever pleased and i just end up exhausted and hurt by the same people who i have spent so much of my time and efforts pleasing. Ofcourse you do good not for them only but for Allah and knowing that its human nature to help each other. Do not expect them to return your favor and know Allah will return it to you. But doing good is one thing and prioritizing someone elses favors over your needs is something else. Learn to acknowledge your self worth and to say NO without needing to justify it. Sometimes saying No just because you simply don't feel like it is totally fine. Saying No does not make you selfish.

You will meet people who will give you certain expectations from you and when you fail to meet those expectations they will make you feel guilty for things you are not supposed to be guilty for. You find yourself in a cycle of negative feelings and you stay friends with them because you know they sincerly care about you and they don't intentionally want to hurt you. After a while you realize that just because someone is kind and nice and has a good heart doesn't mean their presence in your life is going to have the same nice effect. Sometimes nice people can be toxic too. You find yourself worried all the time that they will be upset from you. You know that one mistake you make they will cross you out of their life because you have failed them yet again without knowing.

True friends shouldn't have this kind of effect on you and friends are people you go to to escape your daily drama dose and not people who add more stress and negative feelings to you. Choose your friends wisely and when you feel someone is always leaving you with a negative feeling then its time to walk away and put yourself first. Cut out toxic people who bring you down. It’s harsh but it’s not worth having people around you who do nothing but bring you down.

Not Everyone will like you

I have always had a need to be liked by others and finally i realized that not everyone will like you and that is totally okay. Who cares? Surely YOU shouldn't.

No One is Perfect

I am aware of my negative voice in my head that always puts me down and tells me things like
OH you are not good enough as a mom. It actually have the power to turn even positive compliments into insults. There is no one that is perfect and what you see on social media and what is obvious is usually far from the truth. SO when you find your negative voice in your head creeping you i want you to say :

Follow Your Instinct

I believe each one of us has an inner radar and you should never ignore it or suppress it. Your instinct is based on information that your brain has gathered either consciously or subconsciously from patterns of behavior  and experiences you have been through.

Lower Your Expectations or try to have no at all

When you lower your expectations you wont be as disappointed in life and actually when something you don't expect happens you will appreciate it more. Most of all don't expect people to react like you in certain situations.

Know when to walk away


There are many signs that you are in a toxic relationship whether its with a friend or a partner and these signs are signs we tend to ignore or justify somehow. If you have a friend that you cant talk to without feeling like you are walking on eggshells in each conversation you have because they seem to get upset all the time. If you find yourself feeling so negative about yourself, worried and anxious because of how this person seems to manipulate you into making you feel guilty for the simplest things. Friendship is not measured by how long you have known the person or by how much time you spend together but how you feel with that person.

When you make a choice to walk away it will be very hard at first especially because of memories of those good times is not a bad thing, it’s actually great that you had some positive experiences. But the toxicity will outweigh the good times, and you will realize that there are better times ahead with people who are better for you.

When you leave your toxic relationship, you will feel an extreme sense of relief.

You’ll be proud of the decision you made to leave and feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you will wonder why you put up with this feeling for so long and you will look back and wonder how you stayed for so long. You’ll be thankful for the experience that you had and that you learned so much from it. You’ll see their life progress from afar and be happy for them, but happier for yours.

Take Care of Yourself

Exercise and try new things and make time for yourself and know that even your children will learn to value themselves when they see that you value yourself and your health and have time for yourself. Teach them to love themselves by learning to love yourself. I personally found that boxing is the best therapy and exercise and i highly recommend. ( mostly after you have done math homework with the kids )

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Respect and love yourself and others will do the same.


Forgive yourself. Forgive those who have wronged you no matter how hard it is to forgive them because just means that you've made peace with the pain, and you are ready to let it go. Forgiveness is not something we do for others it's something we do for ourselves.

Monday, October 09, 2017

Are you Belittled or Entitled ?

So again i found myself in a situation where i did someone a favor and then after doing it i asked myself.. " HEY? Did they even appreciate what i did? Would they ever do the same for me? Would i even ever ask them to do such a thing ? Do i feel better or worse after doing this?

I have realized that pretty much all my life i have had trouble saying "NO" and not only that i feel that i can't say NO..  I feel like to say NO i need to have a like a life threatening situation. When i say NO i feel like i have to justify it so many times because i wouldnt want that person asking me to do the favor to be upset. I spend my time trying to please others and i get out of my way and i prioritize others over myself.

I have started to realize that being a people pleaser doesnt make people like you more or respect you more. It actually makes them belittle you more and in arabic " ما بعملولك حساب"

Who should we ask to do this huge unthinkable favor? DINA? why because she will say YES! 

I remember in University days a girl i barely knew asked me to drop her off to her house which is very far from university and I had a class! She kept asking me to drop her off i missed my class just so i can drop her back home. I don't know what i was thinking and if i was thinking even but i know for sure i would never ask someone to do that for me. I also know that the girl never really cared about me or appreciated what i did for her. 

I have been in this situation so many times and in the end i used to tell myself "Do it for Allah" and that Allah will reward you if you do good deeds. Truth is that way of thinking doesn't always make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel better because the things i do for others are not exactly charity work and i dont consider the favors i do real needs. They are usually just people who feel entitled and feel that the world owes them a favor. They come up and ask you to do something like " hey why don't you design a logo or invitation for me since you are fabulous designer. And you tell yourself okay i will do it and you think its a nice gesture. 

They end up spending hours and hours tweaking your work and talking to you like they are your boss and in the end you are surprised that when they start thier own business one day and you want to support them by buying something from them they don't even offer you a discount because business is business right?
Or even worse they decide after the many hours you spent on the design that they don't want do this business afterall and they dont need the design.

What i have realized is that the problem was never people who take advantage of you. The real problem is knowing yourself worth and knowing that your time is precious and you get to decide what you want to do with it.

Know that if someone asks you to do something you can do EASILY and you just dont feel like doing it because you would rather stare at a WALL! YOU CAN SAY NO!

Know that those who most likely ask you do extreme favors that you would never ask them to do most likely have just called you for that favor and only call your when they need something.

           Never agree to do something that you yourself would never ask someone to do for you.

 Charity and good deeds can be done at your own time when you want to do them and don't come in a form of favors for others . 

Never prioritize someone else needs over your own or your family and know that the most important thing is you and your family.

No one will ever out you above themselves.

Remember you can always say NO.. BiDEESH without even justifying it and feeling the need to justify it.

I have noticed those who give off the " im entitled" vibe don't only get what they want, others actually feel like they deserve it! They want everything to end up their way and feel superior somehow. They live with the belief that they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment by others.

Always remember that people will only do to you what YOU allow them to. And doing a favor shouldnt be the reason someone likes you or disklikes you. If they choose to dislike you for not agreeing to do thier favor maybe they were never really your friends in the first place.

Know your SelfWorth. Respect Yourself. Love Yourself and Put yourself and your Family First.
Help Others always but on your own terms and when YOU willingly want to and not because they manipiluated you or made you feel that you MUST.

I feel in life there are those who are Belittled and those who feel Entitled. 

Which one are you?

And that my dears is what i call my SELF Therapy Session of the night.

Good night.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Grass is always greener on social media

Well.. im in a mood to dardish and atfalsaf a little so i thought to myself why dont i blog a little.

Don't you feel that no matter what situation we are in we are always wondering about WHAT IFS? And we often start to think about our life choices and wonder if we would be happier if we didn't make or made certain choices. We start comparing ourselves to idealistic standards and our perception of reality is distorted.

But then again we post happy moments on social media. When was the last time you are in a middle of a fight or your kids are throwing a tantrum and you think to yourself why dont i record it and post it on my newsfeed?

You take scroll down FB social media and even though you know 80 % or more is a fake show people put on to impress others you know and believe that there might be that 1% that is sincerely happy.

I will never forget the day this girl called her husband pissed infront of me and she was so angry with him because she posted a lovey dovey post on FB confessing her love to him and saying how he is the light of her life * backstreet boyz dance and music* and he didnt reply with a comment yet!

she was like ' hala2 hala2 betefta7 il FACEEE wa bot7otili comment okkkk * in a threatening ana bafarjeeek voice...

ermm awkard silence fills the room.... Tayeb keefek keef il awlad.... * girls face red with anger still 

If i didnt witness that moment and i just read her lovey dovey baby hubby inta hobbi post i would have thought Awwwww they are so in love ... tele3 film.. and many are like that...

Single Ladies wonder if they would be happier married and married ladies think of how their life has turned into a 24 hour job of just tending to everyone's needs that they forget their own and miss being single and carefree.

Decisions and life choices we make and no matter how different our lives our i feel we all share that one need to always try to get what we think we lack. We always look at what others have and think they are happier. We tend to overlook the many blessings that we live in and forget that many other wish to be in our shoes.

Life is hard and i believe no one is happy 100 % and i think most social media posts are depressing us because they draw this unrealistic expectation for us.

Watching vidoes of husbands tearing up when they first lay thier eyes on their bride and so many videos that are so romantic you want to just ball your eyes out . * dina bitnefff

All im saying is that i have learnt not to believe everything i see on social media and that the same girl who posts tons of pics of her lovey dovey relationship can actually be on a verge of a divorce. ( true story i saw )

We need to start by saying AL HAMDULALLAH for everything. Be CONTENT.. Say Hamdulilah Hamdulilah and the grass might look greener on the other side but if you keep looking at that grass you will not notice the many flowers that have grown in your garden :D ( eish hal deepness hadi)

Sunday, June 18, 2017

The Pin on my Wall

Everyday when i brush my teeth i notice there is a pin on the bathroom wall. It is stuck on some small foam sticker on the wall and everyday when i see it i think " why is this here? i need to take it out" then i get distracted and i go on to the next day and i see it again and i think the same thing. It has been on the wall for years now and its not so hard to take it out i just have a habit of procrastinating things even the simplest things. Before we know it a day turns into months and years and time is flying faster than we can comprehend. Ramadan is already in the last 10 days and i cant believe how fast time is flying.

So many people i said i will call tomorrow i havent spoken to in years. A girl i used to know got pregnant and i kept saying i want to visit her to say mabrook. She now has 5 children and i still didnt manage to go visit her because by the time i wanted to i felt it was too awkward.

So many things i wanted to do that i never came around to doing. I feel we are going in a vicious cycle in life and everyday we rush into doing our daily routine and before we know it years have past and we realize that we were too overwhelmed and stressed to even enjoy them because we were just rushing through life.

Time flies fast enough already so why do we stress ourselves over unnecessary things?
Why do we fill our time with  many meaningless obligations that we dont even enjoy doing rather than doing the things we enjoy?

Today i decided i will take out that pin. I will write down a list of goals and dreams and things i have always wanted to do or achieve in life because if i don't another 10 years will fly by and my to do list will only be longer and longer.

I find myself stressed over raising the kids and being the best parent. I make so many mistakes and i try to learn from them. The biggest mistake i feel i make is not just enjoying every little detail of my kids being kids.

I close my eyes and i imagine myself 60 years old in a blink. My kids are older and married and live far away and i am calling them hoping they would call me more and just come cuddle with me like they used to when they were babies.

I imagine how i will do anything to go back to these days i'm living right now and that makes me forget my worries because i know these days will fly by in a blink and i want to enjoy them as much as i can instead of complain about how tired i am and how stressed i am that i cant tell them a story.

Hug your kids.. Love them.. squeeze them.. play with them..sniff their cute little heads..and when they keep calling you and asking for your attention give it to them because you will you regret every second you missed. Every moment we are given in life is a blessing and an opportunity lets always try to make the best of it and not waste it with negative thoughts and emotions.

And even if you don't have kids just appreciate our loved ones around you and let them know how much you care about them. Life is unpredictable and we never know what it brings us,take everything lightly and know no matter what it is, it will pass...

                                               i just crossed one thing off my list...
i have been meaning to blog my thoughts for a while now :) what will you cross of your list today?

enough falsafeh for me today. * takes off falsafeh cap
 HamduliAllah for everything.. Ramadan Mubarak and Eid Mubarak :)

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Sleepy thoughts Poem

I lie awake in bed
A million thoughts running in my head
My face is lit up by my phone screen
Then I Remember " I need to buy sunscreen"

I am sleepy tired and know I should sleep
Tomorrow when the alarm rings I shall weep
But for now I can't seem to put my phone down
Let me check instagram and snapchat to see who is in town

I know I'm addicted and I need to stop this habit
The moment I put my phone down I find an excuse to GRAB it
How did we live our lives without social media
When we needed to search for something did we pick up the encyclopedia?

I worry about our kids and what they are exposed to
And how hard it is to control what they see and what they do
For now I'll try to get some sleep
Let me start counting my Sheep

Friday, May 12, 2017

Bostive Vipes

The older you get the less tolerance for fakeness and fake people and negative people and you slowly start to realize who are really your friends and who are the people who just remember you when they need something. You will be shocked to how many people live their life like its a Kuwait musalsal or hindi Film. 

Somehow a whatsapp message turns into a family feud! Some people are deeply offended by things that you didnt even notice or do consciously and its those people you need to limit your interactions with. The more you spend with them the more they will twist your actions and words and spread rumors and believe me if im looking for drama i will just watch my Turkish musasal.

I am like a sponge .. ana SBonJiBob... if the people around me are dramatic i feel tension and drama. If the people around me are negative and depressing i tend to feel depressed and feel the need to solve their problems. Then one day you wake up and realize those people who depressed you with their problems are not as depressed about thier problems as you are. You realize people will only share the negative things and hide the good things that happen to them in fear of " 7asad".

You will one day wake up and realize how short life is and if you waste it trying to please people who will never ever be pleased, or trying to fit in the wrong group of people you will only feel worse and you will never ever please them.

Think about yourself and what you want. Do not get out of your way to see those who will pull you down and hurt you. Be around those who lift you up and care for you because life is short and...


i will leave you with the SBONJIBOB Asfar Kamooni  

PE Bostife BeoBleZ

Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Parenting is so Easy ! *sarcasm

So.. i am sick of those moms who talk about parenting like its so easy like oh yes sure why don't i get another 5 more kids cause its so freaking EASY! I see those vidoes of moms like 2 -3 weeks after delivering their baby using their baby as a dumbell as they do thier daily exercises at home showing off their flat tummies like its so easy.. Good for you.. 
* cries into pillow
* eats chocolata 
* pokes belly... jiggles like jelly... what the helly....

i remember at one point i was motivated and picked up laila and started doing some arm exercises while i lyed down on my back... all i can say is that i might have moved her faster than i should and i ended up full of MILK-SHAKE . .get it.. milk shake .. from shaking her .. ermm ok simji simji haha

Someone once told me if you get two you can get 10 ! ermm  if i have one more child i think i will be moving in a mental hospital..

IT'S NOT easy ! i spend most of the day screaming and juggling a million things and trying to do the things that will make my kids the best versions of themselves. So they don't grow up angry at me for not letting them do the things they love or blaming me for all their psychological problems. Sadly i think no matter what we do we will make mistakes and no one is perfect i just pray the damage is not serious and that my relationship with my kids stays strong even when they are older.

I look at my sister now with her newborn baby freaking out at her every spit up and her lack of sleep and she just asked me with her puffy eyes" HOW DID YOU DO THIS TWICE???? "

Truth is it does get easier with the second baby cause then you stop freaking out about every Fart but still easier doesn't mean easy.. you just stop sterilizing everything. you stop crying every time they cry cause you realize they cry all the time.

You long for a moment of peace and quiet and when they are home and it gets quiet .. you freak out because you know.. they are up to something

And every age age has its challenges. Today i ate a cadboury chocolate bar that i think was almost as long as my arm.. i call it chocolate therapy... i have also started boxing which is helping me let out the inner stress.. i think all moms need to find a getaway.. whether its hiding in the bathroom with a chocolate bar.. whether its meeting your friends for coffee or knitting or baking or exercising.. watch a movie or musalsal. anything you enjoy doing to get you out of the daily cycle of JNAAN... because if you do not get a break.. and you do not let it out somehow. The result will be... UGLY..

Sometimes when i yell at my kids they crack up at me laughing. and at this point im really angry and really having a fit and they are seriously laughing so so hard! 😑 maybe my voice shrieks..

            Anyhow.. Parenting is not easy.. but its worth it.. and no matter how tired and exhausted or angry you are you look at your kids ( when they have calmed down akeed) and they do something adorable like draw you a card and even though they drew you in a shape of a Butt you still think its the most beautiful drawing ever... ( i am the smiling butt cloud next to laila in this drawing) ..


                                    This is how i would look like if i had more children..

P.S. All you people who see me and decide to make da3wat for me to bear a second child...

 ALLah yorzugek fe WALAD.. Kindly desist from making such da3wat.. if you want to to ted3oooli refer to me and i shall email you a list of da3wat :) wa shukran :)

Al Hamdulilah and Allah ye7me awladna kolhom 

i have to admit when i stay up late and they are asleep i miss them already.. i just dont miss the yelling and 6owash

Sunday, January 29, 2017

It's the Little Things that Make Life Big

  Looking back at my life, my childhood memories and the things that really are dear to my heart. Those special moments and memories that i cherish and hold in my heart forever made me realize that its the littlest things and acts of kindness that someone might not even remember that have had a great impact on my life.

I remember i was once so upset about something ( i don't even remember what it was) i was in city center mall and i was outside the prayer area sitting on one of the stairs steps crying. A hijabi girl i don't know came to me and just gave me a hug and left. It's been maybe 25 years since that hug & i will never forget it cause it came at a time i felt i needed one & i really didnt have any hijabi friends at the time. I was not muhajaba and i kind of had this idea that hijabees can be extra conservative or
judgemental cause i didnt wear the hijab. Not only did she change the way i saw hijabees her kindess made me want to learn about our religion and she could have simply passed by me without looking at me or saying a word but she made a choice to do something kind. I wish i can know who she was and that i could tell her how much that hug meant to me and how much it has affected me.

How many times did we walk away when we could have done something kind? 
Telling ourselves its not our business or it will be too weird to say anything. 

You know one time im about to enter an elevator sometimes holding a bunch of stuff. Not only did the person in the elevator not help or hold the door open for me, they kept pressing on the CLOSE button to make sure i don't get in! * tut tut tut

My friend lost her son in a playground ( just for a few minutes) that felt like a lifetime she was standing there screaming for help. Yelling out his name at the top of her lungs with a cripling sound of fear in her voice! No one did anything but stare or walk by her. 

It's in our human nature to help each other & care for each other. It's okay to greet each other for no reason. Salam Alikom or Hi. or a simple smile wont cost you anything. 

You know il bujulotooni? those who you smile at and don't smile back?!
         IGLIB WIJHAK nazra on the face zay had il 3amo

I don't remember a lot of things as i feel my brain is like Dory the fish in Nemo but there are things i will never forget. Like my best friend standing there in front of the hospital after i msgd her 6 am that my water broke. Like the way my husband used to come everyday to be by my side when we were engaged and my dad was in the hospital.

 I remember the week before my dad had his stroke how he went to the discount store and bought all the kinds of candles he found cause i had mentioned i wanted to have floating candles in my wedding. ( he got some very weird ones) but it was soooo cute and thoughtful and i wish i can go back to that day and give him the biggest HUG.

I will never forget having my friends there for me at the times i needed them the most especially after coming out of the operation room and still under the anesthesia effect lol

I remember when i once wore the hijab one of my friends thought i was joking about it. She laughed and laughed and it broke my heart into pieces cause i was so vulnerable at that time. After she realized i was not joking and how she really had hurt my feelings i remember getting and email from her. It was sent not just to me but to many other people and she said that just like she laughed infront of others she wanted to apologize in front of others as well and that she truly was sorry and proud of me. Her email really touched my heart because she could have simply just walked away.

I remember my mom freaking out when she thought i was about to deliver my baby and it was even blogged about here

 I remember compliments from total strangers.. When i compliments i don't mean " Eish ya Khasseh" or "Barbie" mu3akasat in Amman. I mean that lady that stops just to tell you " You are Beautiful" or " i love your Eyes or .. ( anything nice) that was ever said is something you will remember cause she is a total stranger and has no reason to JAMEL and is simply just being nice. 

Mostly happens fe Blad il Ajaneb cause in the Arab world the lady giving you the look from head to toe with ja7ra is probably admiring what you are wearing. And if in the Arab world you are complimented by an Auntie and you are the age of 20-28 know that this compliment might be followed by " mertebta ya habeebti?"

I remember so many things and most of them are kind things people have done and not the materialistic things because its those little things that you hold dear to your heart and cherish forever and truly impact your life. Think about what you say to others cause hurtful words can hurt so deeply. 

Never underestimate the power of kindness and kind acts or simple words to others. A simple text a smile, a sincere compliment that you are thinking but never told that person. Its those things that bring people together and remind us that it is only Human Nature to be Kind so please fight that inner sharshabeel inside of all us and Lets all just SPREAD THE LOVE!!

  * Group Hug * Group Dabke

 YA bayeee shu Baggorr anaaaa 

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Things i said i would never do

How many times did we say " I would never ever do that!" 
and end up doing the exact thing you said you would never ever EVER do!?

* raises hand with guilty look on her face

Looking back at my life i am now a walking example of all the things i said i would NEVER do...

1. I will never yell at my kids.. sadly i yell i try not to.. but sometimes i feel its out of my control.. something i am still working on.. i am not proud of this and i know its wrong to yell but its something im working on...

Also my normal tone is kind of loud.. in comparison to my husband who is very calm.. His family is also very calm. when they speak to each other i am surprised they even can hear each other.

Khalto to Ahmed in whisper tone " Wayn il remote?" 
Dina looks to see if Ahmed heard her as she is sitting very far away 
*Ahmed gets up and hands remote" 
Dina 😲 😲 😲 😲 😲 😲 😲 😲

i still remember when i was in Amman not too long ago.. 
sitting peacefully then i heard my mom running to the door and screaming so loud...

                                           il GHAaAAAAAAAAAAAAZ  il GHAAAAAAAAZ !!!!!

At this point i freak out 😲 thinking there was a fire in the house.. but apparently in Amman the Ghaz truck makes rounds around the building and you have to open your window or door and call him in!
See in my family we tend to Over Express our feelings vocally.. haha

We are used to using outdoor voices indoor. We speak to each other as if we all are wearing hearing aids.. So when i am around my husbands family i am suddenly aware of how loud i actually am cause its so quiet whenever i don't speak..

                      When dina is quiet.. you hear the clock ticking * tick tock tick tock" 

2. I will not let my kids watch a lot of tv or stay on the ipad a lot & ill never let them sleep without a bedtime story

So imagine this.. you have to cook, and you have like 1000 things you need to do and your kids are just jumping around you saying " MAMA MAMA MAMA 10000 times in one minute.. If i told you there is a magic way to make them if for a little while be distracted and quiet and give you some alone time to get things done.. would you NOT take on that offer! i am not saying tv all day or ipad all day. but sometimes having that time is what keeps my sanity!

3. I will never say the things the Aunties and Khaltos say... 

    I think i am now 98 % khalto.. when i get up from a chair i have to make those sounds like " akh . mnnnnnhh... Ya Allah.. " i say random da3wat to people " Allah yerda 3aliek"
I talk about how our generation is not like the generation now and how in my days i didnt get telephone till i was in university.. My 6 yr old wants a phone.. shufti yakhti ballah?!?

I share recipes and i am in a whatsapp group for recipes of tabeekh.
I am in another group that shares jokes that are not for kids .. i dont know why when women get older thier jokes get more and more perverted :S i wish i can unsee some of the fwds i have received on whatsapp.. :S

4. I never thought i would sniff anyone butts and check poop texture 
i am someone.. who is naturally mon2aref... i remember gagging when i had to clear out the kitchen sink after all the food laghawees were stuck on it.. After having kids.. being mon2arfeh is not an option. You will be pooped on. You will check if your child is pooping regulary. You will learn the art of inserting ta7ameel ( suppositories) for constipated babies. You will feel joy when your baby poops after 3 days of constipation. You will regularly sniff your baby's but to see if they have pooped. You will discuss the color of your baby's feces with other moms.

Alo keefek Rawan, Bedi as2alek.. law lown il kaka asfar 3adi?? 

5. I never will wipe anyone's boogers by my hand.
So your kid has a runny nose and about to get on the bus and there is no  KLEENEX to be found? what can i do???? * hand on nose il bent quick mas7a .. i know 2araf.. but 2araf situations call for 2araf actions. it was either that or let her lick it..

6. I will never watch Turkish Series...

I am now watching not 1.. not 2 but 3 Turkish series..i am so obsessed i sometimes watch it without translation. I also watch 2 at the same time with multiple windows open at the same time.

7. i will never lie to my kids..
 i think as moms we are allowed to lie a few white lies like for example..

  "If you eat your boogers they will turn into little worms in your stomach"
  " i was the smartest kid in my class" were'nt we all ahaha
  " Barney is Sleeping"
  " The Store is closed now"
  " i have no money to buy it "
  " This does not have Spinach in it"
  " This is the medicine you LOVE"
  " I will just go to the bathroom then i will come read you a story" * waits till lina falls asleep
  " The Toothfairy called me and said she will take her money back cause you are not brushing your teeth"
 " Elsa is sleeping"
 " Your friend is sleeping"
 " I am msging your teacher right now"
 " I am emailing your teacher right now"
 " If you don't put your seatbelt on the Police man will arrest you"
 " If you dont brush your teeth they will look like this ↓

The list goes on an on... my point is.. 3ala ra2i Justin PEiiiPer.. Never say Never..cause all the things you said you will never ever do are what you will do precisely

                                           Nefar meeen ya habibi.. Nefartitchhhhhhiiiiiii...