Thursday, April 26, 2007

Favorite Video$

ill be off for a week starting today and i might nto get a chance to blog.. dad's condition is much better he is breathing on his own and is awake :) he also had "boootha" icecream yesterday.. recovery takes time... and lots of patience.. but i feel good al hamdulilah.. Allah kareem and he will be better soon inshala :)

here are a few videos i LOVE!!!! mashala at the talents all around the world!! i am still shocked at the baby imams!! And the BABY BREAKDANCER!! so enjoy these videos till i get back :) these baby videos show how the way you are brought up could definitely affect the way you will turn out! baby breakdancer vs. baby shiekh


And pls don't stop your prayers they are WORKING :) al hamdulilah

Thank you all for your support! Allah yis3idkum Jamee3an :)

Sunday, April 22, 2007


i feel numb inside...

numbness... the lack of feeling.. perhaps it would be more accurate to say a lack of connection with our feelings or a disconnection from emotions..numbness is one way we protect ourselves against the onrush of pain and against being overwhelmed by suffering...

In my case its emotional pain, but don't we respond similarly to a physical blow with numbness before our pain sets in?

I remember once when i was in grade 4 i was playing hide and seek with a girl that was 3 times my size... well it was her turn to seek and i was peeking from behind a corner of a wall.. trying to see where she was... suddenly a heavy weight plunged at me from a distance.. .. i remember a BIG THUD!!!

everything was in slow motion... i was not quite aware of what was happening... the sound of the kids playing the playground faded out and i don't remember seeing anyone around me...(although i was surrounded by people).. i do remember there was a lot of screaming though..

my white t-shirt is now a dark shade of red...i was bleeding... the girl had tripped and fallen right on top of me... causing my head to hit the wall corner from top to bottom.. (ouch)

i don't remember feeling pain... i felt numb... confused... in shock.. it was only later on my way to the hospital that i felt a throbbing pain in my head...

that is what i feel now.. numb at what has happened... i know soon that excruciating pain will come... when i realize the severity of the wound...

Sometimes in the house i'd be plugging in something to the electricity and suddenly the electricity would go off...

just like dangerous surge of electricity will activate a circuit breaker and cut off the electricity to stop a fire or the chances of electrocution.. i feel a great deal of anguish will activate our emotional "circuit breaker" temporarily, so that we don't feel the pain...

self defense mechanism i guess..

Dad's condition is stable.. he opened his eyes.. can move one hand al hamdulilah... there are signs of recovery.. but to see him so helpless and weak brings so much sadness to my heart..

Allah y2awmoh bil salameh wa ysabirna.. all we have is our prayers... wa Allah Kareem

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

He Squeezed my HAND!

Yesterday i went to see my dad and as i was talking to him and then suddenly he opened his eyes... i was suddenly speechless.. i held his hand and i tried to think of what was the best thing to say to someone who just woke up from a coma and has tubes in his mouth and nose! the best thing to say to someone who in in so much pain and is unable to even express himself! i said " hamdila 3al salameh " i think i stuttered a bit...

its so funny how i get nervous when i talk to my dad.. like anything i say to him will sound stupid...

he is a serious man.. he doesn't usually get my jokes.. or gets them and decides to ignore them... :S anyway it was no time for humor.. i sat there saying how we miss him and how the house is depressing without him.. and then i felt him SQUEEZE my hand... i never thought such a simple gesture could stand for so much... i felt his pain.. i could hear his cry for help.. i felt his love.. i felt his sadness.. his confusion at why his lying in bed unable to get up or speak....

he would look around like a baby who is discovering the world for the first time... at that moment i felt like i was the parent.. sub7anallah

i felt helpless... but al hamdulilah.. he is getting better.. i don't really remember the last time i held his hand... i don't think i ever did. ( except for when i was a kid)

Allah yishfee :) i feel its everyones prayers being answered :) al hamdulilah

Monday, April 16, 2007

Life is a SIM card

ok why am i saying that? life is a sim card... a week ago it occurred to me how we are not so different from our phones when i again dropped my phone in water...

just like one drop of water in the wrong place can cause serious damage.. a drop of air in our bloodstream will cause immediate death... a drop of blood in the e brain causes sever brain damage... so we are left like a damaged phone... body is there but the memory is all lost... same phone... no connection to the world.. a body without a soul... or with a soul that is trapped in a body that is too damaged for it to even be seen...

we are more fragile than we realize... how could we be so weak yet so stubborn and ignorant? how could we know of this weakness and still act like we are invincible?
i guess its a blessing sometimes to be this ignorant.. imagine living in fear of death every second...

This past week i have learnt so many lessons.. believe it or not this week i have counted more blessings than i have in my life! i feel truly blessed.. and thankful..

Spending time in the hospital all day, i saw many stories that only made me feel more thankful... stories that happened to ppl and could've happened to anyone of us..

everyday i see a 30 year old man who had suffered from a brain stroke. he has been in the hospital for 11 months now.. and just recently he has opened his eyes and is showing signs of recovery.. i see his family around him everyday teaching him how to eat and speak again..

he has 4 kids and he was perfectly fine.. up until one day at work he was stressed out and had a brain stroke. His little daughter comes to the hospital everyday with a new song and sings it to him. She would hug him and sing to him and his wife said he tried to snap his fingers as she sang to him!

i see kids that are born crippled or paralyzed. And even though they are the way they are they are the most cheerful kids i have ever seen.. laughing and smiling and playing..

i see a 5 year old kid using a walker because she is born with crooked legs... i see an old man who has been in ICU in a coma for 6months and no one hardly visits him.

i see all sorts of people from all around the world and i realize that no matter how different we might seem.. we are all the same.. all holding on to the people we love.. holding on to life.. with everything that we have.

i feel blessed to have a father to worry about... some people are born into families without parents... i feel blessed to have my health and my family and loved ones around me helping me go through this everyday.. i feel blessed that we have enough money to afford a hospital while some people die because they can't afford the costs of hospitals & operations.. i feel blessed that i have faith at times like this when i know lots of people tend to lose their faith in God.. i feel blessed because everything that happens to us happens for a reason & with Faith and Patience (Sabr) God will reward us by taking away from our sins...

al hamdulilah... ina ma3 al 3usri yusra

another blessing is that now with all those ppl calling me i got my contacts back with extra numbers kaman :)

Friday, April 13, 2007

Sad Friday

its the first friday without my dad being home... he has travelled before and i have not seen in in months sometimes but this is different.. i keep telling myself he travelled somewhere... but then reality crawls back into my head and i realize what has happened..

I think fridays are harder than any other days to cope with this.. since i hardly saw him except on friday.. he would always wake up early and then we would all have the "FRIDAY Ftooor" which usually includes Fool Farouq <-- FArouq is baba..

so... b4 that he would always love to go to carfour and get all sorts of food! he loves food wa iza FE any OFFER in the world he will get it.. if you take a look in our kitchen you find boxes and boxes of biscuits and chocolates... and probably no one has ever heard of them! And when we say " baba la meen kol haaad? ma 7ada ra7 yakloh!" he says " ANA bowkloh" :S

see a major reason he is where he is right now is how careless he was when it comes to food! he would eat all sorts of baskoot and BAGLAWA and tabeekh without even tryin to khafif!! :(--

Anyway.. i keep remembering the time he would come and ask me to go to carfeour with him or to any dicsount center and id refuse and say " ma fee ishi hnaak" or " mush jay 3ala bali"... it hurts so much when it finally occurs to me that it was never about those discount centers.. it was his way of asking me to spend time with him..

whats even sadder is that now when i go and talk to him... i find my tongue tied and i feel like i cant say anything.. the same feeling i got when he was awake.. i want to tell him how i feel.. how i miss him.. how sad i am when i go home without him here.. how i am sorry i wasnt the best daughter... and all i can say is " baba ana hown"

we sense he can hear us.. he blinks when we talk to him and i feel inshala with all those prayers he will recover .. YA RAB....

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Dad's in a Coma

let me say it again maybe this time it will sink in... Dad is in a coma... my dad? how ???? why can't i believe it? why can't i understand that this is happening..
we spend our whole lives planning and planning for things and then suddenly what we never expect happens and we sit there feeling shocked and helpless...

the day before he was fine.. making jokes.. eating.. laughing.. i rememeber thinking i have never seen him this happy... suddenly at night i hear mom telling my brother to call and ambulance.. it was like a nightmare only i was awake.. i go in the room to only see my dad in bed unable to move or speak.. his face was half paralyzed.. and that is teh image that has been haunting me.. to hear him moan with pain.. knowing he is trying to SAY something.. but CANT! the look in his eyes while the ambulance struggled to carry him away to the hospital...

everything was in slow motion.. still is in slow motion.. all i remember is those times i culd of spent with him and i chose to sit in my room or on the phone talking to someone else.. i think of all the talks we never had.. the things i couldnt say..

the funny thing is the first time i ever kissed his hand was when they were carrying him away to the ambulance... i try not to cry to be strong... but its so hard..

All i can do is pray... and the reason im bloggin now is because i want you ALL to pray for him.. please please.. i believe the more we pray the sooner he will get better..

LA hawla wala Quwata il Billah... Only GOd has the strength to make everything okay... Wa ina lila wa ina ilayh raji3oon... wa al hamdulilah.. Allah ysabirna wa ya2awmo bil salmeh ya RAB

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

ghirig talaaaaafooooni

ok i didnt have to time to illustrate the situation.... but again... i manage to drop my phone in a PUDDLE of WATER.... i usually have it in my lap when i sit in the car.. and well usually i drop it when i leave the car forgetting its IN MY LAP...

yesterday as i was going to see the wedding card ( very stressed out and ANGRY) cause they seem to hear my words in CHINESE!! anyway i leave the car and i hear...

PLOP... and i was like to myself " what was that?" hmmmm i decided to ignore the sound lol and as i was still about to walk away from the car i see something familiar.. only it was in a puddle of water(and 6eeneh) since it RAINED yesterday...

it was my poor (abused) phone... lol by the time my stressed out brain cells sent a brain mag for me to PICK IT UP.. it was already MSAGSAG :P

now again i lost my numbers... and wallahi i know i should have written them down i DID plan on doing that... il muhim.. conclusion is... i never learn from my mistakes.. and BARAKIZISH!!! :S

anyway watch this next video... NO COMMENT LOL the arab micheal jackson song!

hoookay hookay everysing hooooookay

wallahi i really hope they are joking.. to think they are singing SERIOUSLY! haha

Monday, April 02, 2007

Going Against the Tide

Did you ever get the feeling that you were stuck in a bottle drifting away with the waves.. tides taking you side to side till eventually you reach a waterfall and you you can see it.. and you know you are heading for a BIG FALL but you feel helpless.. the tide is too strong.. and you can't do much right now...

you know you can swim but you also can't reach the water.. stuck in a bottle...
you know you can scream for help.. but again the bottle is sound proof..
you know you don't belong here.. the tide is taking you in the opposite direction..

its just hard to go AGAINST THE TIDE... i feel both ways... u drown...

and when i say tide here i dont mean tide lil ghasseel :P or ariel.. :P