A question we all have heard and endless number of times but the truth is is anyone really ever truly OKAY? Aren’t we all messed up and trying to figure out life day by day?
I usually smile and say Ofcourse I’m okay and if I’m not I will be okay.
I hid my feelings in a bottle and hid it in the depth of my soul.. I locked it away and hid it even from myself and convinced myself it is not there but I think the feelings are getting too toxic that this bottle will soon shatter into a million pieces inside of me as there is no inch left inside of me that has not been tainted with hurtful words and experiences.
I mask it all with a smile . A joke. I am able to convince everyone I’m totally okay as I’ve always been. Truth is I don’t really think I ever was ‘okay’ I have to stay strong and life has to go on. Too many people depend on me and need me to be strong. Everyone has their own troubles and own pain to worry about so I must keep this mask on because there is no other option.
Some days I’m able to fool people better than others but recently I’ve just been feeling that I buried my feelings so deep down that I’m not sure what I feel anymore. I feel there is an army of my trapped feelings planning an escape and that when I least expect it they will break down those walls I’ve spent so long building . It’s like expecting yajooj wa majooj to attack at any second.
We have to feel it to heal it—we have to fully experience the emotion in order to process and integrate it into our experience.
Don’t know when and don’t know what the trigger will be but I know that it’s coming when I least expect it to.
So what I’m saying is that it’s okay not be okay.. Okay?
#justblabbing
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