Sunday, April 22, 2007

Numbness


i feel numb inside...

numbness... the lack of feeling.. perhaps it would be more accurate to say a lack of connection with our feelings or a disconnection from emotions..numbness is one way we protect ourselves against the onrush of pain and against being overwhelmed by suffering...

In my case its emotional pain, but don't we respond similarly to a physical blow with numbness before our pain sets in?

I remember once when i was in grade 4 i was playing hide and seek with a girl that was 3 times my size... well it was her turn to seek and i was peeking from behind a corner of a wall.. trying to see where she was... suddenly a heavy weight plunged at me from a distance.. .. i remember a BIG THUD!!!

everything was in slow motion... i was not quite aware of what was happening... the sound of the kids playing the playground faded out and i don't remember seeing anyone around me...(although i was surrounded by people).. i do remember there was a lot of screaming though..

my white t-shirt is now a dark shade of red...i was bleeding... the girl had tripped and fallen right on top of me... causing my head to hit the wall corner from top to bottom.. (ouch)

i don't remember feeling pain... i felt numb... confused... in shock.. it was only later on my way to the hospital that i felt a throbbing pain in my head...

that is what i feel now.. numb at what has happened... i know soon that excruciating pain will come... when i realize the severity of the wound...

Sometimes in the house i'd be plugging in something to the electricity and suddenly the electricity would go off...

just like dangerous surge of electricity will activate a circuit breaker and cut off the electricity to stop a fire or the chances of electrocution.. i feel a great deal of anguish will activate our emotional "circuit breaker" temporarily, so that we don't feel the pain...

self defense mechanism i guess..

Dad's condition is stable.. he opened his eyes.. can move one hand al hamdulilah... there are signs of recovery.. but to see him so helpless and weak brings so much sadness to my heart..

Allah y2awmoh bil salameh wa ysabirna.. all we have is our prayers... wa Allah Kareem

11 comments:

Summer said...

My best wishes and many prayers for your dad to get well soon inshallah!
waiting for more good news soon.

Jasim said...

Yeah I know exactly what you are going through, the numbness..

and well you spoke my mind, inshallah y2oom bil salamih ya rab o y2aweeh..

Wedad... said...

but be strong enough when your feelings return kaman fatra ...

Allah ysabberkom oo el 7amdo lellaah he's recovering :komet ward:

nido said...

Don't give up hope:) He'll be back home in no time inshallah:) Keep praying:)

kinzi said...

Numbness is a coping mechanism...but if prolonged, it can keep out the positive deep emotions too. Your dear daddy will need his fully emotionally -engaged girl to feel reflect the emotion she feels as he recovers. I am still praying for you both, even as I type.

Rula said...

Alla yeshfee ou ye3afee areeban ya rab. Pls read some "Riqya" ayat & ad3iyeh for him.

Alla yesabberkom 3ala mobtalakom, pls be strong ya 7ilo, tomorrow will be a better day!!! I'm sure :)

Drama Div@ said...

I wish speedy and complete recovery for your Dad..
I hope hewill get well soon! Allah bless all your family, Dino...

xoxo: DIVA

Anonymous said...

Hope things will get better soon :)



Sofie

Aladdin said...

Hope things well be better, yo2om bilsalamih ya rab.

PŕōuđPāŀĩ said...

*hug*

Anonymous said...

inshallah he WILL be better soon..
our msjid Imam had a stroke similer to ur father, he was in acoma.recovered and now he is walking'with help'to the mosque..bus el do3a2 aham she. I was hearing his own son who is an emam as well praying for his father in al fajr prayers and all of el mosallen be2amno..
keed do3a2 o a7'lese el neyyah o inshallah 7'er :-)