its the first friday without my dad being home... he has travelled before and i have not seen in in months sometimes but this is different.. i keep telling myself he travelled somewhere... but then reality crawls back into my head and i realize what has happened..
I think fridays are harder than any other days to cope with this.. since i hardly saw him except on friday.. he would always wake up early and then we would all have the "FRIDAY Ftooor" which usually includes Fool Farouq <-- FArouq is baba..
so... b4 that he would always love to go to carfour and get all sorts of food! he loves food wa iza FE any OFFER in the world he will get it.. if you take a look in our kitchen you find boxes and boxes of biscuits and chocolates... and probably no one has ever heard of them! And when we say " baba la meen kol haaad? ma 7ada ra7 yakloh!" he says " ANA bowkloh" :S
see a major reason he is where he is right now is how careless he was when it comes to food! he would eat all sorts of baskoot and BAGLAWA and tabeekh without even tryin to khafif!! :(--
Anyway.. i keep remembering the time he would come and ask me to go to carfeour with him or to any dicsount center and id refuse and say " ma fee ishi hnaak" or " mush jay 3ala bali"... it hurts so much when it finally occurs to me that it was never about those discount centers.. it was his way of asking me to spend time with him..
whats even sadder is that now when i go and talk to him... i find my tongue tied and i feel like i cant say anything.. the same feeling i got when he was awake.. i want to tell him how i feel.. how i miss him.. how sad i am when i go home without him here.. how i am sorry i wasnt the best daughter... and all i can say is " baba ana hown"
we sense he can hear us.. he blinks when we talk to him and i feel inshala with all those prayers he will recover .. YA RAB....