Sunday, November 18, 2018

Closer to Closure


 Closure : the psychology definition is a person's desire for a direct answer to a question that, once answered, leaves no room for uncertainty. When a person has a "need" for closure, we're saying that the person is looking for answers they need to clear up any doubts they may have so they can move on.


You feel you can only move on if you understood why things happened. Like why that certain friend treated you the way they did and if there was something you could have done to fix it or if you were to blame. Why that someone crushed your heart even though they saw the best of you. You wonder you put yourself in that situation and allowed certain things to happen to you and wish you reacted differently to change things.


You find yourself in a vicious cycle of doubts, questions,self blame, guilt and most of all you feel trapped and have the need to hear those answers, to hear that sincere apology or explanation, admission of guilt. Half of you wants to cry, half of you would do anything to get rid of those feelings. You feel like shizophrenic because you have so many mixed feelings.


Sometimes even the person you need closure from gets sick or is unable to speak or passes away along with all your unanswered questions. Sometimes they are alive and well but you would never confront them with these questions. You need to make peace with yourself & you need to forgive yourself for the things you never said to that person and probably will never will say.

Yet we still find ourselves dwelling in the past and feeling like we still need closure about certain things we have been through. Whether its a very bad experience that you somehow found a way to blame yourself for or just an experience we never really got over. You have to know it is normal that we sometimes cling onto what once was and have the need to have certain unanswered questions answered.

But you need to accept that loving and caring about someone is not a good enough reason to be with them if their friendship or relationship is harming you.

 Most of the time in life you will never get those answers and truth of the matter is closure and moving should not depend on those answers. 

Closure comes from within yourself and you are the one that has set your own expectations to move on. 

Acknowledge that moving on can happen whether or not those things you feel you need to happen happen.

You find yourself even if years later when you think of that someone and the pain is still there and you realize by never allowing yourself to get closure you have not allowed yourself to heal.

Whether its someone who broke your heart in the past or a friend you very attached to that isn't part of your life anymore. You need to accept that whatever happened has happened for a reason and that it is for the best. You need to believe that there is no point in pointing fingers and asking questions that maybe you actually would not like to hear the answers to. Talking about it or confronting them might do more harm than good.

I have learned how to find closure within myself instead of looking to someone else to give it to me.

If a man cheats on you its not because of something you lack or because you are not pretty enough or good enough. If a friend doesn't appreciate you its not because you are not worthy of appreciation. If someone mistreats you or hurts you it is not because you deserve it or because you allowed it. 

What consumes your mind controls your life.
 Gain back control over your life and do not give anyone that much power. 

Getting closure is not easy but once you realize the power is in your hands it will be easier for you to move on.



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Haitham Al-Sheeshany said...

While reading, and about half-way through, I was already thinking of a (comment). But u beat me to it:

"I have learned how to find closure within myself instead of looking to someone else to give it to me"

It pretty much boils down to (it is easier said than done) saying but it does not mean it's not true.

It lies within (not in!) our hands. Hard but that is the way it is.

I wish you well, your words are extremely sad today!

Dino$ said...

I was sad but now I’m stronger and sometimes when you are sad you see clearly. Al hamdulilah for everything and thanks for your wishes :)