Saturday, May 09, 2015

I Need to CHILL!

Wow.. its been so long since i have blogged i feel i forgot how to ! But i feel im at this point in my life where i have a lot of thoughts and feelings and well i feel hardly take any pauses. Im always on the run doing a million things & multitasking. I feel like i take on more than i can handle & at the end of each day i still have
n't crossed out my "to-do" list and im exhausted and i realize there was alot of things i could have easily just NOT added to my crazy endless list.

So today i decided to STOP doing all the things i need to do & actually take a minute to BLOG and reflect on my life and everything. I'm the type of person who is very curious and observe the people around me and try to read thier body language and analyze them. I may come across as a psycho that just stares at other people. Anyhow.. so i was at PF Changs today and i noticed a western lady with her two girls. They had ordered a somewhat healthier choice i believe with some sort of green leaves or brussel sprouts.. ( just like i do) *laughs sarcastically .. and they were eating and laughing and talking.. and her two girls were playing wither their food then decided to braid their moms hair.. thier hands were probably oily but she sat there smiling &; let them both just pretty much oil her hair in the middle of the restaurant and she was saying positive things.. like " wow look at that nice braid"

 And i imagined if one of my girls tried to braid my hair with her oily hands.. would i have done the same thing ? i think i probably would have just given her the " you better not do that " look. or threatened to take away one of her "shopkins"!

I started to realize how many times we tend to overreact to certain things. And it me think of the reason WHY we do that. I believe it is our fear of what "Others" will think of us. Its that need to fall into a certain Norm, that desperate need to be seen in a certain way. That constant fear of being judged by the way your children act.

Im not saying don't set any rules and let your kids play with a soiled poopie diaper. Im just saying there are certain times we tend to overreact. We draw lines and upset ourselves and our kids and in reality some things are not a big deal.

They got thier clothes dirty even though you warned them a 1000 times.. what did you expect really when you gave your 3 and 6 yr old an ice cream :S 

They can sometimes wear clothes that don't match cause they feel like it. it will make them learn how to be decision makers and feel more independent.

Its okay if they don't finish eating thier food or not eat eventually they will get hungry and eat so no need to give the " IF you dont eat your food it will run after you on judgement day" *twitches at thought of drowning in giant mlookheya bowl

They scribbled on the walls again.. and you are having a FIT.. and here i dont mean FIt as in Fitness *jiggles belly.. It can be painted.. and even if it isnt .. why is it such a big deal? they are kids. we keep limiting them to drawing on paper and limiting their creativity. Let them scribble maybe we should experiment on our walls as well. Let the world be our CANVAS! :P who said we should only draw on PAPER? the possibilities are endless!

There are so many times i let my emotions get the best of me. The stress & exhaustion don't help me to react like a calm person would or should act. I feel its in my nature to be just LOUD and Jumpy like im always waiting for something BAD to happen. So many times i hear my kids screaming in the room and i freak out only to find out they are just laughing and playing.

One time after i dropped off laila to school i noticed she had forgetten her water bottle. That morning she decided to take it out of the bag & i told her dont forget it like 100 times. So when i got to the school and realized it wasn't there i got upset with her and told her "why didnt you put it back didnt i tell you to!" she said she did and i was like NO you didnt . i overreacted as usual. And come to think of it now i think mainly i didnt want to be seen as that "careless" mom who forgets to pack her childs water bottle. i dont know what iwas thinking and after getting all upset and upsetting my little lulu.. i got back in the car and it was right there next to me.. It fell out of her bag when i put in the car. She had packed it in her bag and truth is even if she didnt. it shouldnt have UPSET ME the way it did.. my heart sank and i felt horrible.. and i got this gut-wrenching feeling of guilt of what a horrible mom i was. She told me many times she did and i didnt even believe her.. because she has a habit of forgetting things. ( like me) i'm far worse though.. she calls me Mrs Forgetful.. I sometimes feel i am too hard on Laila especially because i feel she is a part of me& she is like me in so many ways that i worry about her so much. I dont want her to experience some things i went through. I often find myself overreacting to something she did and after she sleeps this feeling is back again. i feel this is not the first time i feel this incredibly heavy weight of guilt on my chest & i need to change this before i cause my kids major psychological problems cause the root of all psychological problems are the PARENTS!! ( which reminds me of the tv show "BATES MOTEL" which im watching now which is actually a prequel of the movie "PSYCHO".. who is a psycho because of his mom somehow ya far7eti

I told myself i don't ever want to feel this guilty again and i dont ever ever want to put my kids in this situation. I feel i see myself in her and somehow i dont want her to turn into me So from now i on whenever something happens that upsets me, i ask myself why am i upset? Do I need to be this upset of this ? Is it worth it? Am i overreacting?

I don't want to shout at them. I love them so much. That moment you see fear in your kids eyes from you is one of the worst moments ever. You will feel like a monster.  Its not easy to control your frustration and i'm still failing many times, but at least now i'm trying my best and working really hard to not fail my kids as a mom.

will leave you with a cute vidoe of what happened when i left lina in the back seat with her new frozen makeup set which i thought was still closed till i parked and looked back :S i am glad this time i laughed and didnt freak out.. but she is too cute ! ahahahaha :P


Haitham Jafar said...

ma 3reftik ya ms healthy eater! 55555

but joking aside, what a brave post this is, I mean it!

Good for you 4 being honest with yrself. I cannot describe it in any other adjective. the example of the water bottle and acknowledging what (+how) the main reason u were upset lulu forgot was is a great thing. A sign that u r on top of things (regarding yr role as a mom) and not the other way around. We lose it often and scream at our kiddos, sure we do but these re-scripting of events and how did they unfold + admitting sincerely to ourselves what consequences they might have on our little angels is a step forward into being more stabilised. In finding the balance between letting them fly and setting / enforcing rules.

Good 4 u 3anjad. U r getting there, maybe none of us will ever get there, be perfect I mean, BUT MAYBE THAT IS HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE, a never ending quest + goal, to be the best parents we can be, every day, forever! (ballashna drama, I know) :D

we overreact, we learn from that (we blog about it, part of the learning process I suppose) :) - jad ba7ki.

we yearn to conformity too, worry about our .. our image in groups/societies/ 7amati .. opppppps
I mean people around us :P

but we learn, the look in our kiddos eyes when we r turning into a tall screamy monster reminds us to cool it, cool it at that specific moment and in the future such a similar situation occurs.

ok, I am going to stop now! this is not a comment any more, this is a post! :)

glad I read this.
I had to , Wallahy, google the name of the restaurant + the tv thingy (jahil ana!)

Dino$ said...

hahaha *gives Haitham sticker for being the best commenter ever.. i didnt even receive a msg that there was a comment on the blog till i found it bel sudfeh!

My blogposts are incomplete without your comment il betdareb 3ala my post usually :P

You are so right.. and its a constant jihad al nafs i feel.. slowly with practice and putting down a lot of shabashib i will get there :P

i dont beelive there is a perfect parent in the world we all make mistakes i just hope that i dont make huge psycho transforming mistakes :P

Haitham Jafar said...

My Blogger is acting up for months too btw! :(

If u want to cut back on the psychological damage I would suggest removing the (yr food will come and hunt u down, DOOOOOOOOOOOOWN on judgement day) talk :P

U r not going to cause them "damage" , physical damage will go away thou so keep the shabasib near and handy, just avoid the faces so u don't get into trouble with the authorities *golden tip* :D

we ALL make horrible mistakes but we remedy them , day in, day out

wa hakaza :)
********** I swear to Allah that my (prove u r not a robot) image test was:
which one of the folowing is a Burrito!! o bgolak laish blogger is becoming less popular :P

Uouo Uo said...


كشف تسربات المياة
غسيل خزانات
شركة نظافة عامة

Uouo Uo said...

thank you

سعودي اوتو