What Do I WANT? شو بدي؟

What do you want? a question i am asked at least once daily. When i'm in a restaurant about to order food. When i'm home and my husband asks me " what do you want to do today?" 

Everyday i hear this question  over and over and even when its for the simplest things like whether or not i want pickles in my shawerma, whether i want the mcchicken sandwich to be spicy or regular. Even in the simplest situations i always am hesitant i feel i DONT know what i WANT! I am so INDECISIVE it drives me mad and other ppl as well. and i feel it has gotten worse lately.

 I am so used to being okay with everything and going with the flow that i have reached a point where i DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT! Having a CHOICE is tough! 

Making simple and big decisions is TOUGH! 

Its like for ex. when we go to bed my husband asks me which of the 2 covers i want! and i'm like.. hmm this one.. then he takes the other one and i feel .. no no i want that one. and well this goes on for a while till he reaches a point where he is like.. TAKE BOTH COVERS
wa حلي عني hahaha 

ok he didnt say that out loud but i felt it. I think i like both covers equally but whenever he wants a cover it becomes more cozy and warmer to me. I hate making a decision and regretting it or wishing i made the other choice. Unfortunately in life we dont usually get both covers. You need to make a decision and no one will decide for you. You need to decide for yourself. You need to MAKE UP YOUR MIND ya SIT DINNNAAAAA!

Its not just this indecisive nature. i always find myself leaving things unfinished. I get excited about something. I start an idea for a business and as soon as i want to take the idea to the next level, as soon as things start getting real, i face the first obstacle. I QUIT.  I lost track of the many endless ideas i had and never did. Problem is i feel i can do so much. I hate this feeling of feeling that you need to be discovered or that your trapped in yourself. 

Things i have done.. I have done wedding, party favors. and well i never really took it to the next level cause i feel it will take a lot of time and i dont have time.

I have designed wedding cards but well lots of ppl dont go to designers for wedding cards but rather just have a ready made design. Aslan most of people who come to freelance designers these days expect you to work for free like your time spent is worthless which also gets depressing.

I have done artwork and digital designs but never actually sat there and produced a series of artwork. Love making funny greeting cards just never took that to the next level either.

I love writing and blogging and would love to write a book or kids book but i never actually did take this to the next step.

i love illustration and thought of selling my illustrations to shutterstock or a simalar website. again i never tried that either. i feel i always need a push. 

i love making people laugh whether its through my animation or stand up comedy but well my animating skills are still at the beginner stage.

kolo love love love Lovni برص hahaa

My latest صرعة  is being a stand up comedian making my own stand up sketches on youtube inspired by kharabeesh N2o Comedy who sara7a are not all very funny. I feel i can do so much better. Rajae qawas is hilarious and if you havent seen FEMALE you really have to.

 After thinking it through i realized it  would mean that i will definitely face a lots of harsh criticism that i dont think i can take
 انا قلبي رهيْف.

 And lets say i get famous. would it mean i go on comedy show tours? what about my kids? وين أوديهم؟  plus for sure as a hijabee i will face extra criticism for sure. 

its a challenge im not sure i will take.. maybe ill change my mind.. you know me.. indecisive haha

Maybe ill do short funny animations instead and work on my animation skills but t. بدريششش

I know a lot of people who are now ماشاءالله very successful and have fulfilled thier dreams and have done something they loved. Sometimes you find people who you never expected to be successful, like those who never attended class or were always sleeping who suddenly have started thier own business. Im actually happy for them and inspired and i find myself thinking.
 HOW did they do it ?
Why didn't I do something BIG when i know i have the ability and talents to do a lot?

Answer is that.. They did not just sit there and talk talk talk about what they WANT to do. they thought of something they wanted to do. and they DID IT. They did not quit as the first obstacle they faced. The one thing they surely had is DETERMINATION & CONFIDENCE. They were willing to take RISKS and they knew that if they failed once or many times eventually they will succeed because they BELIEVE. 

Reminds me of the inspirational story of 3amo KFC whose name is actually 

Colonel Harland David Sanders he actually faced 1000 rejections and the 1001 person who finally not only did not reject him but instead agreed to be his parthner in this Kentucky Fried Chicken business was Pete Harman. 

That my deary dears blogging peers is the route of my problem. FEAR. Fear oF Failure.

I dont have DETERMINATION. I see daily inspirations people like my fellow blogger Ola Eliwat

who just published her book "قبل السفر" which will be the first arabic novel i read انشاالله
 ( when i get my hands on a copy that is)

She is a great writer and expresses herself so eloquently in her writings. Can't help but feeling a sense of familiarity when you read her wrtings. She is one of the few writers and bloggers whose writings intrigue you and capture you and no matter how long they might seem you find yourself reading on and on till you realize you just read her whole blog or book and want to read some more.

One day when she is famous i hope she remembers Dino the Chocoholic blogger who loves Bagar.

Another inspiration of the week is my friend and relative who made this really cool educations app for teaching kids for IPHONE IPAD i downloaded it for lulu and she loved it and im sure your kids will love it too download it for FREE here  very nice idea. I have also alway wanted to make an app for kids.. someone yells " انتي كل شي بدك قرفتينا"

To those who have started thier own business, wrote thier own book, made thier own app or started thier own show pursued their dreams. Good for you, you are truely inspirational. For those people who are like me know that by true determination you TOO can achieve your goals.

* dino nods taking in her own advice

Truth is after talking to my wise huzbandi and telling him how confused i was about what dream i want to pursue. He asked me why i feel the need to be famous or on youtube to feel that i have achieved something in life. He reminded me of my beautiful girls lulu and lina and how being a MOM is one of the greatest achievements of my life.

He also made me realize that i havent actually sat down with my lulu to read to her and teach her in a long time. She is messing up her letters and that made me feel really bad.
 I am focusing on how i can be productive to the world when i didnt even
start in my own home with my own kids.

Tomorrow i'm going to sit and read to lulu. Teach her and revise the alphabet and numbers again. In the end of the day whether or not i start my own business or write my own book, I have to bring up my daughters the best way i know how because they are my life and they are what makes me happy.

Instead of complaining and wondering about what i could have done for now i will say

الحمدلله على كل شي

وانشاءالله خير

و الله يعينك يا جوزي قد ما بغررررر

blablablalablabla hahah okay now that all that is out of my system im going to bed.

GOOD NIGHT :) and GOOD LUCK.

did i mention i also sing and write poetry?

*someone throws shoe at dina

*dina ducks