Saturday, May 23, 2015

20 ways to know you are an OFFICIAL KHALTO!

i'm sitting here wide awake at 3 am. thinking so many thoughts, worrying about things before they happen. Regretting, forgetting and analyzing my life. I think of how old my kids are now and it passed by so quickly. And well Laila is just 6 and graduating for KG2  and i know in a blink of an eye ill be sitting there in her high school and college graduation ( inshala).

Suddenly im that annoying Auntee that keeps telling her friends kids " ya habibi i know you since you were this big * makes a baby hand gesture that from the look of that teenage boys face is not a compliment at all. It suddenly hit me.. IM A KHALTO NOW! OFFICIAL!

Incase if you were wondering if you were one already here is a LIST i made for you!

You know you are getting OLD & are an Official Auntee KHALTO

1.  When you visit your friends whom you havent seen in a long time you OVERREACT when their kids come in the room. See in your head he is still a TODDLER.. suddenly a MAN enters the room and you actually NEED TO WEAR YOUR HIJAB.. GASP.. ofcourse you say.. something like

LA LA LA LA hada ibnek.. MA BASADE2.. akher mara shufto kaan lisa berda3.. * awkward silence
* oh that is your son last time i saw him he was still breastfeeding. & You start sharing embarrassing stories like " last time you came over your mom was potty training you pooped all over my carpet.

2. You find that most of your conversations suddenly take a turn and you end up talking about
RECIPES . "Ah wallah hayk bta3maleeha.. la2 ana ba7ot shway zebdeh ba3dayn bakhaleeha ten2a3 shway"..

3. When you sit down or get up you make those little moaning sound.. Ehh ... or say something like
" Ya Allah.. Yama ya habeebti.. heeeeh " or ask the nearest child or person to help you get up.

4. When someone gives you a recipe and says " Rashet male7" a hint of salt or shwayet baharat.. you actually know what those baharat ARE and how much you need to put in the Tabkha

5. You now have official sub7eyat with other khaltos many who are still are unaware of the STAGE of khalto they have become.

6. You probably by now suffer from a Back Disc,  or neck disc or just back pain or joint pain or have had your gallbladder removed. or like me All of the above..

7. You just want to wear that SAME BIJAMA that you have had for a billion years cause nothing is just as comfy. Inspite of the fact that you have many other PJS but none are as comfy as this one and no one can really see that hole anyway.

8. You can't walk in heels and when you do decide to walk in heels you carry a little bag with a SHIBSHIB with you & Clarks & hush puppies and Berkinstock are your fav shoe shops.

9. Your Digestive system starts failing you are your body reacts to the things you eat and you just cant eat the things you used to. And before going anywhere first you make sure there is a BATHROOM there.

10. When you hang up the phone you now do the " Ahlayn Ahlayn.. Allah ma3ek.. Ah ah " byebyebyebye ahlayn ahlayn bye bye

11. When you have visitors over you always stand at the door before they leave and talk for like 30 mins

13. When your kids are naughty and you have visitors over you give them "THE LOOK" that you used to get growing up that meant " ra7 afarjeeki bas yraw7o"

14. You can no longer stay out very late and want to be home early & are exhausted by the end of the day.

15. You talk about prices and " Ghala il Dinya wa il 3eeshe" a lot & ask about schools.

16. Getting off the couch is not as easy as sitting on it.

17. When that old lady in the Zumba Class keeps giving you the " i know how you feel" look.

18. You actually start realizing there is a different taste to " mlookhye, jibne and Zaatar  from Amman or palestine" & will most likely have some in your bag if you travel.

19. You say things like " YA ma7la il hawayat" & constantly compliment people in a formal manner.

20. You make 'du3a" for everyone when they do something nice for you ' Allah yerda 3alieki" & you start using those Amthaal like ( feel free to use these phrases and evolve into a khalto instantly:

The Inside Is The Winner)(You Are More Beautiful Than Your Dress)

"Ya Raytak Khreet Wa Ma Hkeet"
(i wish you had pooped instead of SPOKEN) ( havent used this one yet but its very expressive) haha

Bil Wijj Mmrayeh Wa Bil Afa Surmayeh
( In Your Face He Is A Mirror And Behind You He Is A Slipper)

A3mali Mnih Wa Kib Bil Bahr
( Do Good and Throw It In the Sea)

 Al Urd Bi A3yn Immo Ghazal
( The Monkey in His Mothers Eye Is a Ghazelle)

*i can go on FOREVER. 

Anyway.. hope this has helped some of you learn that they are also now KHALTOS LIKE ME

WELTCHOME TO THE CLUB * hands over knitting kit and glasses as prize and REMEMBER THIS :


Haitham Jafar said...

*while admiring hos youthful youth in the mirror* - - - -laughing hard at #s: 3, 8, 11, and 20

al kabar 3abar AKA age is nothing but a ........... STIGMA! :)

Dino$ said...

Haha speaking of stigma I also forgot to mention stigmatism and he fact that even your lazic operation effect wears off