Forgiveness is a Virtue Not and Obligation

 All my life I have been told to forgive and forget because forgiving is something you do for yourself to let go of the persons power over you. Forgiveness is something that you do for a bigger reward from Allah who will reward you for your forgiveness because the act of forgiving is such a hard task that will surely be rewarded greatly

 I have come to realize that the pain of attempting to forgive those who never even asked me for forgiveness who never ever acknowledged the horrible things they have done, the pain is far worse than actually deciding NOT to forgive. Forgiving them means I am letting my own self down, it means I have pardoned them infront of Allah for any harm they have done and for how they have wronged me.

There are many things that are forgivable but some are so horrible and incomprehensible to the human mind that I believe forgiveness is not an option.

I do not pardon them. I do not forgive the unforgivable things that have happened and I hope those people get what they deserve if not in dunya in al akhira

See you in judgment day.

Mostly in cases where there is " ظلم" and irreversible damage. 

Too Old for this

As we grow older our tolerance levels are less and less. You start to value your time more and you realize that you really don’t need to waste it on those who don’t appreciate you or put you down. You start to be incapable of “Mujamalat” and unnecessary small talk with people who are just simply toxic for you.

You realize you don’t to justify yourself to anyone and those who really matter usually don’t ask for justifications nor do they leave you feeling guilty for not seeing them as often or calling them. We all have our lives and problems and always know it’s not about the amount of times you see a person a week or the amount of msgs or calls you make. Life will show you who truly cares about you and who doesn’t.

I recently have lost the ability to tolerate a lot of things. Mujamalat. Meaningless gatherings of people falsely pretending they care about you. Maybe it’s the fact that I am over 40! 

I cherish my time and i no longer want to waste it in meaningless conversations or with people who surely won’t remain in my life.. 

she’s still your mother..

All my life i have been told you will never understand till you are a mother. You will never appreciate till you are a mother. Motherhood is much harder than i thought but even after being a mother it made things more clear to me.  Im sick of parents making their chidren feel guilty for being born blaming them for every problem in thier life. They decided to have a baby and bring their kids into this world and these children are born because you choose to bring them here. 

They are not your possession and they are not your slaves. Making them feel guilty for your every single mishap or inconvenience they might have caused by their mere existence is so wrong.

You want your kids to treat you with love and visit you when you are older you should make them feel safe and loved in their childhood. If you are old and your children can’t stand to be around you it’s maybe because you never loved them and pushed them away. 

Motherhood is a blessing even with all the hardship and sacrifices every mother makes the true reward is seeing them happy and knowing that you did your best to make them live with the least amount of psychological problems possible. 

What really really makes me angry is mothers using their mother “title” to abuse their kids. That no matter what your mother does to you no matter how horrible there is always someone who will say “ بتضلها امك" "she’s still your mother”. It took me years to finally understand that being a mother is not just a word or title. A mother is someone who loves her children unconditionally and doesn’t hurt them and make thier  lives a living hell. 

If you grew up with a narcissist mother that always hurts you and plays the mother card and pretends to be the victim I will never tell you “ she still your mother” 

بر الوالدين definition is different when you have a mother who lives to ruin your life and make it a living hell. If you tried everything and you still fail to stop the hurt it’s okay to keep your space and البر is actually الصبر على الأذى and not to return it to her. Pray for her from far away and know Allah knows you are only protecting yourself from being hurt by her again. 

I know many people mean well when they say advice such as “ no matter what she’s your mom” but truth is no one lived your story and no one knows the depth of your pain and no will even believe that a mother is capable of doing the things that were done to you. So it’s better to not give such advice when truely no one knows your story.