Tribute to Dr. Haitham Sheeshany on his Birthday

Tomorrow would have been your 42nd birthday. I don't know where to start because no words would do you any justice. You were always thoughtful and always made time to comment and write posts about even people you didn't know. I wanted to honor him and do the same because he deserves to be remembered and I wish everyone knew how special he was. I'm sure you are happy now in a better place with your brother who you missed so deeply (his brother passed away in a car accident years ago) Allah yerhamhom. 

 I still am in shock of the news on your passing and I wait for that comment from you saying it’s all mistake. You once wrote a blogpost about a girl who was struggled with cancer and yet she was resilient and smiled in her photo and you said she must have been extraordinary from the way she fought and from the way people spoke about her. The irony is that you were diagnosed with cancer and I was told you never complained and you kept your illness a secret from many so that you don’t make us sad.

 Twitter and people all around the world are talking about you as even those who haven’t met you have loved you from all the great things they heard about you. I hope you knew that you were extraordinary and I doubt there will be anyone like you. 

 I really don’t know where to begin because inspite of the fact that we have never spoke or even met the news of his passing really shook me and broke my heart. I felt so much sadness because he was one of those very very rare gems. I have known him since abu mahjoob days and then we stayed in touch and followed each other’s blogs and for years he would leave me uplifting, wise and hilarious comments on my posts and even give me the best advice when needed it the most. At some point I think he was only person who left me comments and supported me and many people shared that he did the same for them.

I took his virtual presence for granted and I don’t think he ever really knew how many peoples lives he had changed and how many people who have known him have changed their perspective about Muslims and how a Muslim can be both mo2meneen yet have a sense of  humour. 

After his passing I found out that he had affected so many lives in real life and virtually and no one that has met him or interacted with him has anything but great words to say about him.

He was a loving husband and always spoke of his love and appreciation for his wife and kids.

He was a loving father of 3 angels.

He was the greatest teacher to many students who were devastated to hear about his passing. I believe he was a teacher in life to all those he met and even just interacted with online.

He was a loyal caring friend who stood by anyone who needed help and no matter how much he had going on in his life he would make time to help others and make them feel seen and important.

He was the only on on my twitter timeline that reminded people of prayer. 

Haitham did you know that there is now a twitter account in your name to continue what you started  to remind people of prayer times and inshala you will get ajer. He used to gather donations to those in need and I’m sure he did so much more things we don’t know about. 

 You inspired so many, you loved so deeply, you lived so passionately, no one that ever knew you can ever forget you. You flew away too soon. I hope your tired soul is finally at rest now. 

Anyone who knew you was lucky to have known you. 

أخي العزيز هيثم. فراقك صعب علينا. موتك وجع قلوبنا لأنك كنت مثل نسمة حلوة تترك وراك ريح طيبة وين ما تروح. تركت اثر في قلوبنا و ما في كلمات تعطيك حقك و كل اشي انحكى فيك قليل. يا رب تكون مرتاح و مبسوط و خلصت من هموم الدنيا. 

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سبحان من زرع محبتك في قلوب كل الناس الانسان الجميل المتواضع والقلب الطيب والخلق الحسن الوجه البشوش والابتسامة الدايمة تستاهل المحبة و الله يجزيك كل خير على كل انسان أثرت في حياته.

ومن علامات حب الله للعبد القبول في الأرض وهو قبول القلوب له بالمحبة والميل إليه والرضا عنه واعتقادهم فيه الخير وظهرت عليه آثار الإقبال فينظر إليه الناس بعين المودة والتكريم (ذلك فضل الله يؤتيه من يشاء والله ذو الفضل العظيم)

أن يكتب الله -سبحانه وتعالى- لعبده القبول في قلوب الخلق في الحياة الدنيا فيحبّه كل من عايشه ويعرفون فضله وكرامته ويثنون عليه بالخير والصّلاح؛ حيث جاء في الحديث عن رسول الله صلّى الله عليه وسلّم: (إذا أحبَّ الله العبد نادى جبريل: إنّ اللهَ يحبُّ فلاناً فأحبِبْه، فيُحِبُّه جبريلُ، فيُنادي جبريلُ في أهل السّماءِ: إنّ اللهَ يحبُّ فلاناً فأحِبُّوه، فيُحِبُّه أهل السّماء، ثمّ يوضَع له القبولُ في الأرض)

أحسبك عند الله خيرا أخي العزيز .

اللهم ارحم هيثم واسكنه جنة الفردوس الاعلى وافتح له ابواب الجنه يدخل من حيث شاء ولا يشاء الا ان تشاء يارب العالمين اسأل الله العلي العزيز القدير ان يجمعنا به في جنة الفردوس الاعلى مع النبيين والصديقين والشهداء يارب العالمين. 

اللهم يا أرحم الراحمين ارحم صديقينا العزيز هيثم و اغفر له و اسكنه فسيح جناتك و اجعل قبره روضة من رياض الجنة و أجعله من رفقاء النبي محمد صلى الله عليه و سلم في جنة الفردوس الأعلى يا رب العالمين

اللهم بشره بجنة عرضها السموات و الأرض اللهم امين

اللهم اربط على قلب  أهله و أحبابه.

و اغسله بالماء و البرد و الثلج اللهم اجعل قبره روضه من رياض الجنة اللهم كان محسنا فزد إحسانه اللهم شفع فيه القران و ارحمه يا رحمان يا رحيم.

اللهم املأ قبره بالرضى والنور، والفسحة والسرور. اللهم تجاوز عن سيئاته وزد في حسناته، وأحسن لقاءه، واجعل العمل الصالح رفيقه، وأبدله داراً خيراً  

             Happy Birthday in Heaven Dear Brother

 I didn't know how to help other than pray for you I want you to know there is going to be a well in your name inshala very soon and inshala will be في ميزان حسناتك

  Here are a few of many things people had to say about you. 

Never did I imagine having to write this blog :(

 

 

 إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون

. اللهم صبر أهله على فراقه و على ما إبتلاهم. اللهم أربط على قلوبهم

that kind of love...

Today in the mall the elevator was a little crowded. People kept coming in to the point where we were basically all squished together. What really caught my eye was this couple in front of me, she was facing him & to them this crowded elevator was just another excuse to get closer to each other. He whispered something in her ear and she giggled and it was like no one else was around.. Its that kind of love.. that i sometimes doubt exists..

I know love comes in many forms, and it can also come in the form of sa7n Mansaf or your favourite meal for your loved one at sometimes.. but there will always be that couple who have been together forever yet somehow still want to hold hands, still find each other interesting and are inseparable then there is that other crowd which is the majority that complain about marriage and their spouses and make jokes that are very awkward at times.. you start to wonder is this normal??

I know true love is not like the love you see in the movies. no one will run after you to the airport door to confess their love to you.. you are very likely going to take a cab back home..

You don't wake up with blow dried hair and perfect natural makeup.. you wake up with puffy eyes, messy hair that sometimes defies gravity... Also you are very likely to be wearing that same bijama il mahreye that you wore fe DAR ahlek because you love it so much and its sooo comfy inspite of that hole in it! Your mom hid it from you and wanted to use it as mamsa7a only somehow you have retrieved it .. * evil laugh in bijama um khuzga

Breakfast in Bed.. no thank you.. saraseer in the kitchen are bad enough..

Flower Bouquets? Really? they are going to die anyway.. waste of money.. Chocolates on the other hand are always welcome.. also anything that could be useful works .. blender, washing machine, a a new Nanny? ok pushin it..

Growing up watching hopeless romantic movies with happy endings has messed us all up to the point we always have unrealistic expectations when it comes to romance and love. Those people in ajnabi movies never had 3azeemeh and spent whole day in kitchen smelling like t2layet mlookheye and basal.

Reality there is life and errands and teachings kids and grocery shopping and mortgages and school fees and stress and so much things to worry about. Yes a romantic gesture is appreciated now and then but what’s more important is knowing the person you are with has got your back and is there for you when you need them. 

If your person is not romantic and not there for you.. what are you doing still with that guy. Seebeeh ya habla 🤦🏼‍♀️

If your guy is romantic but bodrobek bel shib shib (hits you with a slipper) 

Seebi ya habla

If your guy is not romantic and is there for you but also there la bent il jeeran 

Seebee ya habla 🤣

Maybe we should all watch a little less romantic movies and more movies where the romantic guy ends up being a serial killer . 

*time for me to sleep now 🤣

Side note 

This was an old post Pre-corona so a crowded elevator at the time was not life threatening . #justclarifying

Trust Your Instincts

So i recently have learnt yet another lesson which is to never ever again doubt myself and my judgement and my inner instinct. I was in a situation where i felt very uncomfortable and my inner radar was beeping ABORT ABORT.  Yet i stayed and ignored everything i felt in fear of being seen as immature or silly. I later on found out that everything i felt was correct and i kept beating myself up for not speaking up or acting upon it sooner.

You reach a point of blame where you blame yourself and tell yourself that its your fault. Its only when you are out of the situation that things start to sink in and you realize that you were in kind of a shock response. And you start beating yourself up and thinking of all the things you could have done to prevent this from happening.

What i want to say is that no matter who the person is and no matter what their position is. If you feel something is not right and you sense that you need to trust you gut and take action. And if you didn't do anything dont blame yourself for trusting those who we were told to trust. You are not to blame for their mistakes or wrong doings.

Trust your instincts. God gave you them for a reason.

Oops I did it again..

So I tend to have a problem. A big problem and that is that I tend to talk a lot and blurt our things before thinking and most of the time I immediately regret what I have said. I wish there was a time machine invented so I could go back to all those times and take back all the things I say when I’m emotionally unstable or angry or hurt. I have noticed that most of the times I blurt out these regretful things are when I’m emotional. 

So I said something to someone and I believe I shared too much information and I made them feel awkward and I have been beating myself up about what I have shared and how I can take the things I said back. Trying to think of a way to to explain that even though I said those things they aren’t necessarily true and we’re said in a moment of insanity and now no matter what I say that message can’t be reversed and if I explain that I didn’t really mean what I wrote and that those were just words of someone who was highly emotional and temporarily insane that person will not believe me.

So a piece of advice to anyone who gets emotional like me.. when you are emotional lock up your phone and stay away from social media till you are back to your sanity or you will surely send something stupid to someone and pray for a time machine to be invented everyday to go back and undo what you did 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you okay?

“Are you okay?”

A question we all have heard and endless number of times  but the truth is is anyone really ever truly OKAY? Aren’t we all messed up and trying to figure out life day by day?

I usually smile and say Ofcourse I’m okay and if I’m not I will be okay.

I hid my feelings in a bottle and hid it in the depth of my soul.. I locked it away and hid it even from myself and convinced myself it is not there but I think the feelings are getting too toxic that this bottle will soon shatter into a million pieces inside of me as there is no inch left inside of me that has not been tainted with hurtful words and experiences. 

I mask it all with a smile . A joke. I am able to convince everyone I’m totally okay as I’ve always been. Truth is I don’t really think I ever was ‘okay’ I have to stay strong and life has to go on. Too many people depend on me and need me to be strong. Everyone has their own troubles and own pain to worry about so I must keep this mask on because there is no other option. 

Some days I’m able to fool people better than others but recently I’ve just been feeling that I buried my feelings so deep down that I’m not sure what I feel anymore. I feel there is an army of my trapped feelings planning an escape and that when I least expect it they will break down those walls I’ve spent so long building . It’s like expecting yajooj wa majooj to attack at any second.

We have to feel it to heal it—we have to fully experience the emotion in order to process and integrate it into our experience.

Don’t know when and don’t know what the trigger will be but I know that it’s coming when I least expect it to.

So what I’m saying is that it’s okay not be okay.. Okay?

#justblabbing