Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The M@$K



i've always felt like a moody person.. but recently it's not just mood swings it's more like extreme schizophrenic attacks... i feel like im in the movie " The Mask"

Sssssssssomebody SSSSSSStop meeee... :P

it's not denial.. i've accepted my dad's situation... i sure do hope he will recover... and i know it's for the best... but sometimes to deal with reality i try not to think about it.. i keep myself busy.. i do the things i usually do everyday... i go to work.. i blog.. i eat.. i sleep.. see my friends... but then there is that moment when im not busy.. when im not with anyone.. the moment when reality catches up with me...

it's like someone took away a part of me.. like something inside me has died and is rotting more and more each day.. like someone tore my arms off and im sitting there looking away from the wounds.. acting like nothing happened... looking away for so long that i forget what has happened....

but no matter how far away i look... there will come a moment when i need to pick something up or even scratch my nose and i realize i have no arms..my arms are not there and i can never run away from myself...

hamdulilah i do have my arms .. im just trying to express how i feel..

i didn't know how much my dad did for us and how much we relied on him...i took him for granted.. that he will always be there... i miss him ... i miss his loud voice.. i miss our few talks... i miss having him around ...

i hate to sound this depressed.. i usually use humor to deal with drama.. i do succeed most of the time.. but right now im not wearing my mask...

the mask i wear so often that i think sometimes i even fool myself... please take my advice and if your dad's are healthy and there.. dont take them for granted.. talk to them more... because eventually all you will have from your parents are these memories...

mama i love you habeebti inti.. i admire your strength & faith.. i know this all will pass... i don't ever want to see you cry..don't worry about us we are all going to be fine.. Allah kbeer & will take care of us all :) wa Allah yishfe baba soon


al hamdulilah

12 comments:

Oriental Arabesque said...

ameen ya rab...Allah yeshfi ow y3afii very soon

hugs & kisses

Anonymous said...

But you know what they say
"SMILE and the world SMILES with you , CRY and you'll BE ALONE ..."

So masks are good in a way !.

I hope your dad will get better soon.

Osama

sk said...

We all wear masks, they are there to protect us. Miss you, thinking of you...

sk

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

oriental i still dont know how u know me yala bogeeeeha :P

thanks inti kteer sweetie

osama.. the saying is so true

sk i miss u soo much

Oriental Arabesque said...

Dinos: i already answered u in my blog :( but looks like u didn't come back and read ;)

well, as i said..you brother in law is married to a girl i know..or to be more specific i know her sis better (Duha...Azza...rings a bell? :D)

Hala said...

Allah yeshfeeh o y2aweekom *hug*

creation said...

Hahaha..your cow !!! omg! the shorts are CUTE ..haha..astagfirullah!

Diana said...

The Mask.. tell me about it
when you smile and laugh and pretend that everything's just fine when there is so much sorrow deep inside.
Allah yeshfe ur father w y2awmo bil salameh, w yefrejha 3alkon ya rab :hug:

Anonymous said...

I really do know what you mean in every word you said, it’s a big mistake to take our parents for granted, we are supposed to cherish every moment we spend with these people. I wish I can show them my affection, but I can't, because I never got it in the first place how can I give it back? If u keep on getting shunned from a parent then you will chose isolation. I don’t have a blog, but you post captured my attention, and I couldn't help my tears from falling over the, God forbidden it could ever happen to my own dear parents. Alla eyAawmoh bessalameh. And im one of the people out there who wish to turn back time and mend as much as I can.

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

oriental ana baji ur blog but marat i hardly even check mine.. so sam7eeni ya gamoora...

halhool thanks sweetie.. Ameen

creation glad u like the shorts lol fi all colors

dandoon always fahmani (flowereh)

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

anonymous... i think many of us have trouble expressing our emotions to our parents.. especially if u are brought up in an environment where showing emotions is seen as a weakness you cant just change overnight and sometimes u feel so many things and u want to say them but what comes out of your mouth sounds just simply COLD... but its not your fault.. not their fault either because they too were brought up that way... i wish i could go back to be better with my dad..

u still have that chance.. and learn from my mistake and break that cycle.. its hard at first but then it will come naturally...

hank for ur comment

Sketched Soul said...

As-salaamu'alaykum wa Rahmatu Llahi wa Barakatuhu my dearest sister,

*a little off topic*..I love your images! Masha'Allah. This one being my favourite. Uhm, why at cow??..hehe - I'm so caught up in your images, I haven't read any posts YET.

Wa'alaykum as-salaam
Love Farhana