Wednesday, May 16, 2007


i need to get away... i wish i was invisible... i need time away from all the comments i hear.. people interfering in my life.. making my decisions 4 me ! if i need advice believe me i WILL ASK for it! Unwanted Advice is simply UNWANTED!

Does my face have " please interfere in my life?" written all over it?

*dinos looks in a mirror...NO SUCH LINE ON MY FOREHEAD...
hmmm ok there could be some spots on my forehead forming an illegible line :P

i do appreciate it when someone cares and asks about me and my dad's condition and tells me they are there for me...(but ONLY when they mean it )

but what i don't like is when people don't really care but call just " rafi3 3attab".. like its "socially expected" of them to do so.. so they will visit u and call u once and disappear.. those calls or visits are not what i need right now..

And if you have nothing nice to say.. pls don't say anything at all..

AND...whether or not i will wear a white dress to my wedding.. whether or not i will even HAVE a wedding...or who will i invite... etc. is MY business..

no one has any right to judge me for wanting to have this night... im not saying right NOW with these circumstances... but eventually i will inshala and no one has any right to make me feel guilty...

i dont want to hear anymore comments on how my wedding should be.. or where it will be or if there is going to be a wedding...

i dont want to hear anymore insincere " if you need anything im here for you" lines..
i know who is there for me and who isn't.. and i know who my true friends are... and who really cares..i surely don't need anymore guilt trips from anyone...

just had to vent....

btw cow and i decided to go to the jungle to meet her friends... :P

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The M@$K

i've always felt like a moody person.. but recently it's not just mood swings it's more like extreme schizophrenic attacks... i feel like im in the movie " The Mask"

Sssssssssomebody SSSSSSStop meeee... :P

it's not denial.. i've accepted my dad's situation... i sure do hope he will recover... and i know it's for the best... but sometimes to deal with reality i try not to think about it.. i keep myself busy.. i do the things i usually do everyday... i go to work.. i blog.. i eat.. i sleep.. see my friends... but then there is that moment when im not busy.. when im not with anyone.. the moment when reality catches up with me...

it's like someone took away a part of me.. like something inside me has died and is rotting more and more each day.. like someone tore my arms off and im sitting there looking away from the wounds.. acting like nothing happened... looking away for so long that i forget what has happened....

but no matter how far away i look... there will come a moment when i need to pick something up or even scratch my nose and i realize i have no arms are not there and i can never run away from myself...

hamdulilah i do have my arms .. im just trying to express how i feel..

i didn't know how much my dad did for us and how much we relied on him...i took him for granted.. that he will always be there... i miss him ... i miss his loud voice.. i miss our few talks... i miss having him around ...

i hate to sound this depressed.. i usually use humor to deal with drama.. i do succeed most of the time.. but right now im not wearing my mask...

the mask i wear so often that i think sometimes i even fool myself... please take my advice and if your dad's are healthy and there.. dont take them for granted.. talk to them more... because eventually all you will have from your parents are these memories...

mama i love you habeebti inti.. i admire your strength & faith.. i know this all will pass... i don't ever want to see you cry..don't worry about us we are all going to be fine.. Allah kbeer & will take care of us all :) wa Allah yishfe baba soon

al hamdulilah

Monday, May 14, 2007

Funny Indian Ads

after seeing a few indian commercials i really would like to share these 2 with you all! i saw the second one too many times that the song " mmmmmmwaaaaah" aheeeeeeeeyaheeeeeyaaaaaaay is stuck in my head... lol so my advice don't watch more than 3 times lol

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Drama Drama Drama

My life is so dramatic... its a soap opera... the weirdest things happen to me... so I'm back with another episode of my life.. in my week off work we woke up one night to the FIRE alarm at 4 AM in the morning... THERE WAS A FIRE IN OUR BUILDING! Nice... eh? lol

Anyway i got flashbacks the last time i woke up freaked out at 4 am not so long ago to hear my mom call the ambulance for baba... can imagine the DRAMA! we had to leave the building as soon as possible for all we knew the whole building could be on fire... and to think of what are the things i want to take with me.. hmm EVERYTHING.. what do i have time take NOTHING!! i started going back and forth quickly in the room trying to wear the first thing i find in my face! thinking back im sure it looked like i was doing some sort of weird rap dance in the room jumping from one side to the other with confusion!!

SO... we ran down the stairs and i remembered and Egyptian movie i used to always watch when i was a kid.. ( don't know why i watched it though it was kind of not a movie for kid).. the movie's was " KARAKOON FIL SHAri3 " Adel imam and yusras house falls down and i remember the scene with all the people running out and each person was carrying something weird.. one guy had a TV with him! LOL

Anyway... so we went downstairs and i thought i looked weird with my abaya on top of my pyjama till i saw the rest of the people who were downstairs! Some were so scared they didn't even put much clothes on! now i understand the arabic saying " il ikhtashoooo maaato"..hmm how can i translate that without it sounding cheesy... " those who get shy will die" lol

soooooooo... the fire was in a shop in our building's ground floor... it was big but was put out and after 3 hours mitil il musharadeen in the streets we went back home... AL HAMDULILAH

glad it wasn't serious :)

And about my dad.. well right after my last post about him getting better he had seizures and was put back on the machines... then al hamdulilah 2 days ago he was able to breath again and is back off the machines... it's always up's an downs and you can never know what is going to happen next... Inshala ya Rab he will recover from this...

Al hamdulilah 3ala kol ishi ... ill keep you guys posted in my next episode