Why?

Why is it soo hard to express my feelings toward my family and parents when they should be the closest to me? I find no problem hugging total strangers but i cant even imagine huggin my dad... its like a mission...

im a very emotional person.. try not to be dramatic.. but i guess my sensitivity sometimes causes me a bit of a heartache... i worry too much abt the world and the ppl i know... and i feel guilty most of the time for things i shouldnt feel guilty about...

the other day my mom said somethin that freaked me out.. she said she is 57! and that my dad is 65!! i never saw my parents as old or getting old... i always see them as young and i guess in my head they both stopped at the age 40!!

May GOd bless them with long lives... its just soo creepy... and i soon ill be 60 and thinking .. omg... im shixshty yearsh old.. *cough cough....

sigh.... i worry too much... abt everything... wish i knew what the future holds for me... im jsuts too impatient and worried abt my future.... *sigh especially that now is the pasts future :S creepy thought

BLoGgiNg From Work

First time i blog from work!! well we moved to new offices.. as soon as i figured out the way to the other office they tell me we are moving!!! so im back to gettin lost everyday again!! I just designed these two silly cartoons for the bathrooms... FOR male/ female.. Duhhh...

Anyway....yesterday this lady was daydreamin while she was driving and drove into my car... she came down saying " oo sorry emergency break mam" :S i was like its ok ... i understand .. me of all people... i understand lol

So.. that moment.. when she hit my car... i got flashbcks of my life... i saw myself goin to kg... with my mickey mouse lunchbox in my hand... kissin my mom goodbye... then i saw myself with my big glasses that covered half my face... that ofcourse are at the tip of my flat button nose... and dresses that my mom made me wear... then i saw myself graduate.... and then graduate again from uni ... then at work... i saw my whole life pass me by.... *sigh*

i realized how ur life could end in a blink of an eye... how we dont have that possibility in our mind? we know it.. just dont really beleive it... we feel it could happen to anyone .. BUT ME?!

i thought of all the things i felt my life revolves around .. they suddenly seemed unimportant... the things i wanted to have done... the time i wasted... the dreams that just became dust in the wind.... the regrets.. the memories... people i dont want to leave behind.. people who probably would have no clue i existed... these thoughts overwhlemed me..

ok im being a drama queen... but really... that second... felt like a lifetime... i dont wan to die without feeling i have accomplished somethin in this life... *sigh*

Life is Ironic

The older i get... the more i feel life is ironic... how 2 sisters that share the same home and parents could be totally different in so many ways.. and 2 total strangers who live in the opposite sides of the world with total differnet cultures would have soo much in common... i find that amusing.... what even more amusing is how blogs can actually let ppl meet from all around the world... its a small world really... we are all connected in one way or the other...

especially in the arab world.. everyone knows everyone... you meet someone and as soon as they know ur full name they ask u a billion questions on " do u know bla bla"
and u sit there confused and wondering... ok im not good with names.. but even if i was good with names and had a memory that never failed me.. i dont think i would know someone who is probably 50 years old... soo i suggest u call my parents :P

before i used to think it was the environment around you which makes ur personality become what it is.. i think its not that.. its the experiences.. maybe a bit of genetics is involved too... or maybe chocolate intake..hehe i feel whar personally changed me the most is religion and how i apply it in my life... it just gave sense to my life...a sense of direction.. first i was lost... now at least i know where i want to be :) HAmdulilah (Thank God)

May GOd guide us all to the right path always :) Ameen

Internet Vs. Reality

When i first started blogging i got to meet my sweet friend and cyber twin sk who seemed to share all my crazy thoughts and we both are tall and love chocolate!! So we started emailing and getting to know each other and i felt we clicked and it was soo real! i didnt know how it would be in real life! so recently she came to dubai for a visit and we met! and now i know that internet and reality are not that different :) that only applies to situations when the person you were talkin to was honest and not a pathalogical or compulsive liar

im glad i got to meet my cyber twin Sk :) and i find this thought that internet and real life are not too different somewhat comforting cause i really have met a lot of nice ppl online and i know in real life they are probably as nice :) i hope...

sk has moved from cyber twin to real life twin :) so sad she has to leave sooon :( boo hoo!!

this recent realization about net and reality.... made me rethink the whole "falling in love" with someone b4 seeing them... it could happen... i guess.. you could fall in love with someone online... or could u? hmmmmmmmm

Monkey Theory!

You know those days you feel that you just dont want to see anyone... you dont want to be seen... not feeling gorgeous... feel unappreciated... unloved... loved by some psychos...

sometimes you feel this way because certain ppl you care abt or love dont care as much or at least they dont express they way you do... And those who care abt u make u feel bad cause you dont see them much like u used to... a cloud of guilt follows you wherever you go...

i started thinking abt the idea of rejection and how sometimes you see people who are amazing in every way.. that you cant imagine how someone would not see them the way you do.. those ppl come to you telling you they were rejected or heart broken.. that that someone just didnt see them in THAT WAY... got me thinking...

just cause you fall for someone who doesnt see you or appreciate you the way you need to be appreciated... it doesnt make u less special..

Its like a pearl or diamond necklace... if given to a kid or lets say even a monkey.. they would probably attempt to eat it or throw it away...

does it make that necklace worth any less that it is? NO!
does it make the monkey worth it? NO...

its just that the MONKEY doesnt have enough brain cells to realize how precious the diamonds really are... yet he reaches for the BANANA ....

Its just a matter or fate sometimes just a matter of taste... sometimes even we meet ppl who seem perfect and have qualities that you usuallly would go for.. but you just don't feel the click... and sometimes you fall for monkeys who break your heart cause they have no clue what you are truely worth...

so...always know its not you... HE is the MONKEY!

SH@wermA$ Are ON ME!!

ok.. i did promise you all shawerma for my first salary... and due to the circumstances that i might ever meet any one of u ... here is a pic of me cutting a shawerma up for you guys.. i swear its ME ! no i dont have a part time job as a Shawerma MAn...

yet i did want a pic with the shwerma since i love shawerma soo much ! ehehe

so this was taken last summer... i just cropped the rest of me out... the rest of the pic is me smiling a SIGNAL 2 smile to the cam... lol

i had a weird sense of power when i held that knife lol i remember how i ran to the shawerma guy in jordan and asked him if i could borrow his cutting knife for a pic lol... things like that only happen in my life... im crazy i know...


SO here u guys go... pick up ur CYBER SHWERMAS NOW! :) hehhe enjoy lol

i am soo tired working as a graphic designer i think id make a great 3amo shawerma man !

OH NO just remembered i have work tomorrow !!!!!

HOW DID THE WEEKEND FINISH!!AAAAAH :(===

ITS THE WEEKEND!!!

its Thursday night....wooooo hooo! *Dino* starts* fireworks!*

oh the bliss.... i dont want to sleep cause as soon as i do i will only have one more day left and then its work again!! SIGH! i have no life... i hardly see my own parents...

i forgot how it feels like to sit and wonder what i could do with my free time... but surprisingly i feel i get more done now with no time... :S

* Scratches head with confusion and counts on fingers

* Still confused scratching head vigorously.. head bleeding lol haha

still no answer

im getting carried away with my imagination again...

When i had soo much time i forgot all the things i wanted to do and i totally wasted it... Now that i have no time everyday i think of the many things i want and could be doing instead of sitting there starin at a screen all day... but do manage to fit some things in my schedule..

Its like when you buy a new treadmill or massage chair or anything new that catches your attention and u say " im definitely gonna use it".. u might use it a couple of times..

after a while its just there taking up perfect space and collecting dust...

we always say we will do things or think we will do things and blame it on circumstances when we dont... get BORED easily... distracted easily.. or simply LAZY... ehehe

i know when there is a will there is a way... Soo weird how when we are determined to do something we do it no matter what the circumstances... what am i talking abt? how did my weekend topic end up being soo philosophical.... lol

what i am tryin to say is.... us human beings are never satisfied with what we have ... we always feel that the grass is always greener on the other side... i am tryin to live my life thinkin that maybe i am on the greener side of the grass :)

hamduillah ( thank God) for everything... i feel blessed today... dead tired... yet blessed