Sunday, July 08, 2007

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK



you know recently i have realized that i have this strange ability to block things... i think its a blessing.. like i have a built in firewall that only accepts certain thoughts and blocks others...

this firewall works almost all the time... but there are moments.. it suddenly shuts down and i'm overwhelmed with those thoughts i had blocked and i feel like i am going to burst into tears.. and sometimes i do.. and people around me would look at me weird and think .. wasn't she fine just a second ago... well.. just cause i don't express what i feel doesn't mean i don't feel it..

my bagara has been a great help and keeps dancing in her new leopard outfit singing lurpak songs...

anyway... i don't think i'll ever get over how my dad is now... and i'll never understand what happened to him... i can't imagine that he might not ever be the same.. i can't imagine how he feels... it hurts so much that blocking this reality is what keeps me okay..

some things don't get easier by time.. the only thing that gets easier is blocking...


ok... too much nakad for one day...

after all this time just when we thought baba was getting better and moved out of the ICU.. he went back in last night... they might get him out today.. inshala khier... its so hard to deal with things especially when you have high hopes... then suddenly you are back to square one..

Allah Ysabirna wa yishfee :(

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know it's a very good thing to do , it is a blessing , you don't want to be overwhelmed by things that would make you go loco .


Omar

ola said...

Salamoh! Allah yeshfeeh

Don't let it inside, express it, don't let it suffocate you

Rebecca said...

Dino,
You and your family are still in my prayers.
Your feelings are normal and expected. We can't block things like this forever. May the Lord hold your hand when you are ready to grieve-- grieving not a death, but a life that may never be "the same". May you someday experience true healing.

Blessings to you,
Rebecca

jasim said...

Aallah yeshfeeh o ye2awmoh bil salameh..

Yeah I kind of do that, but I can't keep blocking reality for long periods of time, I crack eventually.

Again, with all wishes for your dada to get better inshallah.

Nona said...

alah ma3ik yarab o yishfe o yi2om bisalameh... its hard for the daughter to see her father sick or unable,but at the end of the day this is life

7aki Fadi said...

I am sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this.

Allah yishfeeh inshallah and he comes back home to you and the family.

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

loco lol love that word :)hope i never reach that loco stage

hola ola :)
yes i will do that :) i think maybe soon kaman

rebecca thank u soo much it means a lot to me that you still mention us in your prayers.. God bless you

thanks jasim.. i guess we all crack eventually or we'll explode

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

thanks nona & 7aki fadi.. yes its hard ya nona but inshala Allah will help us all get throgh this...