Sunday, July 22, 2007

i miss you

dear baba..

i miss you... your loud voice... your loud cough when you enter the house.. your friday breakfasts & grocery shopping "outing"...the many awkard silences we had... i miss the way you used to express your love by making us never need anything... you had a bad temper and sometimes yelled for no reason.. but behind that roar was a soft heart...

you were my shield...my security... you protected us from the cruelty of the world and to me although we didn't bond much i knew i could count on you.. i knew you would be there... i knew you would take care of us... what i didn't know is that i took your presence in my life for granted.. i wouldn't make any effort to get closer to you... i didn't express what i felt because throughout the years it became even harder for me to express my feelings to you... you confused strength & pride with expressing your feelings.. to you expressing love was a weakness... which is why there was this unbreakable barrier between us... to save myself from feeling rejected by you i also pushed you away and created my own barrier without even noticing...

i never knew tears could flow down your cheeks without you even realizing they are... i never knew pain could be so intense that it feels like it has become a part of you... i never thought i would feel this much regret in my life.. i never imagined this could happen to you...

i can't believe this is your reality... i can't bare to see you like this... i'm so sorry if i wasn't the best daughter.. if i didn't appreciate you... im so sorry i am selfish sometimes... i'm sorry i can't say anything to you when i see you...

i just miss you & hate my life without you...

8 comments:

Who's-sane! said...

sorry to hear of your ordeal chocoholic.

it's all so sad what's happening. :(

allah yishfeeh

Mala2e6 said...

Dina

I know how you feel, hope your father will be ok..dina i remember you said he had a stroke? and he is i =n a coma? if this is the case then talk to him all the time tell him stories of happy times .i heard once that this method can jolt the brain cells into working again.. ya rab y2oom bil salameh

be strong dina he needs you

Maher said...

Allah y2awmo bel salameh ya rab!
allah yeshfeeeh o ya2wmo salleem lal naas elle be7ebooh!

Dina, you need to be strong..for him!

We are all by your side!

Bahareh said...

My Dear Dina
I understand how you feel..dont think in this way.. your Dad is proud of you.. you shouldnt regret anything happened before..the barrier you are talking about is normal habibti... i have the same barrier with my dad.. but we love each other and he knows this well...just get this negative thoughts out of your mind.. think of how to make daddy happy now.

Hope your dad get well soon

Drama Div@ said...

I wish your family well and keep your dad's fighting spirit burning! As long as you and your family keep up with the positive attitude, you will beat anything.

Bos6ar Gadeem said...

allah yishfeeeh .. nothing in the whole world worths spending few moments with father and mother :-(

Jasmina said...

Your feelings made me cry without stopping. I will people can realize how important and beautiful it is to have a family, to have your parents with you, just right next to you...

Alla yeshfeeh ou ye2aweeh ou yedeem 7esso bainkom.

I'm so glad that you are writing and expressing your feelings, it really helps..

Manal O. said...

Dandoon I remember our old talks when we used to talk about our fathers and how much they r alike.. but at the end we realised how much we love them and appreciate them, I remember that conversation as if it was yesterday, and im sure that those feelings of love and appreciation found their way to his heart even though u didnt get the chance to tell him, it's enough for him that he brought such a wonderful lady like urslef to this world..Im sure he's proud of u.. Allah y3afeeh oo yeshfeeh ya rab.