Thursday, March 18, 2010

On Marraige, Life and such..


First let me thank sha3teeely for being generous enough to share his customized Arabic font and also a link to help improve my illustration skills or maybe try different styles. Here is my first attempt to go with a "new look" :P

so before we are married people wont stop nagging on our heads to get married and i remember when a lady found out i was "23" and not married zman. she "Gasped" and said " ya habeebti liesh ba3dik la hala2, haram wallah haram" at that moment her reaction made me want to CRY! ino shayfe ya khaltooo wallah ma 3indhum nazar lol somehow no matter how you much you dont want to think about this topis its like forced on you and find yourself worried abt it and wondering if you will ever get married and HOW and WHERE you will meet the perfect guy. Random ppl you meet or even sometimes in the supermarket i would see someone tall and imagine dropping a bandora and he would pick it up and we would fall in love . we obssess and obssess and try to make things happen because our biological clock is TICKING! TICK TICK YAM Slieman... you start various accounts in qiran/muslim matrimonial sites with a fake name ofcourse just to see if fe 7ada mi7rez. cause bint ukht bint sa7ebtek fell in love on the net and you have watched " you've got mail" way too many times lol

So truth is... You can't make things happen so relax and let GOD'S plan take its course. Dont worry about kids and ur biological 40 is the new 20 these days. Don't marry a guy just cause of the idea of marraige. Marry him because he is the person you feel completes you and you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Don't settle and let go of your criteria just because of the pressure all around you and just because ppl say "mush 7ayeeji a7san".

so.. eventually some ppl do get married. some are happily married. others wish they never got married. Others dont get married and for those who dont. its not the end of the world. really before marriage u have this notion that as soon as you get married all your problems will be solved and the nagging will stop and everything would be like a fairytale. Dont get me wrong when you are married to the right person its great and amazing and when you find someone who makes you feel complete its wonderful. just dont be brainwashed and think that marraige is the solution to everything. Marriage is only a good thing when its with the right person.

Women are not slaves and a good husband helps out when he can instead of just expected everything to be done for him. It's a 2 way deal both have to work on the relationship for it to work. Al Hamdulilah my husband does not have that mentality and helps when he cans but i hate how sometimes in the arab world its frowned upon if a man did the dishes or if a man helped around the house. The Prophet (pbuh) used to helped his wives with the housework.

22 comments:

My Getaway said...

It's like this is about me lol. I'm 23 and people are saying the same to me and they made me start to worry and think about it alot. But alhamdulilah I'm not letting it go to my head anymore.

I know it's crazy how it's frowned upon just to help around the house a bit.

Aiola said...

Oh, you reminded me when I got engaged for the first time when I was 20, my parents were somehow pushed by my grandparents to get me engaged because “your daughter is getting old, she won’t find the right person later on…”!! I remember staying engaged for this stranger for 2 months but than I had to leave him because he wasn’t the right person and even my parents won’t let me get married for the sake of getting married. When I was 23, I met my husband and we started going out and both of us figured that we are right for each other and decided to move on to engagement and than marriage… Guess this is the right way any girl should go through because as you said Dina, you should find the person that completes you & you on the other hand complete him…

I know how annoying it is when our society takes that if the husband helped his wife @ home than it is a shame, than why is it marriage? Isn’t it sharing everything?? 3anjad people are strange, but el7amdela, my husband is the type who would be helping out because he believe that our life is to be shared & that we are there to help each other move on…

You girls out there who are still not married, don’t think about it much, it will come one day, live your day because even if you are married to the perfect man “which can never be because we are also not perfect” you will be missing some of the valuable time that you used to spend when you were single… Enjoy each stage of your life and good luck ;)

Dino$ said...

My Getaway

GEtAWAY from thse ppl .. they eventually do get a person with the constant nagging. just always remember that they know nothing. and most are unhappily married and just thinks its normal. they say " del ragel wala del 7ayta" and that my dear is sooo soo wrong


AiolaYeah ur right they should enjoy the FREE time!! go to the movies hang out with friends and have their "ME" time becaus as soon as they get married and have kids its not more "ME"

i totally agree with everything u said. i have seen ppl get married and engaged to somone just because they felt the pressure that he is a good guy and he is from a good family and they ignore the inner alarm saying NOOOOOOOO. when the guy is right u will KNOW. and they should not settle

:) thanks for passin by my blog! :) happy delivery

M said...

'ino shayfe ya khaltooo wallah ma 3indhum nazar lol '

'and imagine dropping a bandora and he would pick it up and we would fall in love'

I'm SO glad I'm still 18..although..a girl in my class DID get engaged last month. Hmm.

asoom said...

LOOOOOOOL LOVE the cartoon!!!

she should have replied like my sitti would have "t3amal ryadha inta ya fatso!"

I guess my challenge is more how do you actually know the man you're considering is the right one or not? I don't know if I believe in this "you just know" deal....cause one day you do just know it, and then the next day you don't know anymore, but then you're back to being sure again.

These feelings are never consistent. I feel it's going to be one of those things where you decide the pros outweigh the cons, twakal 3a allah, take a deep breath, and just jump...allahu a3lam.

Ola said...

You know this post made me think of a million things and say a million things but it also said some of the things I wanted to say!

Another problem is that people seem to deal with it like we're living in bab el7ara days, like if the girl doesn't get married then she has no life, WRONG!! many girls don't get married for various reasons, it doesn't mean they have to be condemned to an empty life, and let's remember that not all peopel who get married are happy so God in his infinite wosdm knows best and maybe He wants to spare them things they couldn't have known that could've happen to them if they got married, maybe they are destined for other things, there are many possibilities. In the past people were so worried about a girl gettign married because girl didn't work so they couldn't support themselves, but now when a girl wants to get married she might just do it not because she wants someone to provide for her but simply to have a family and some emotional fulfilment.

I keep hving these conversations especially with my grandma lol she seems o worried that I'm not gettign married but I told them that I'm not going to do anything out of fear of the future, simply before there's no guarantee for the future, not the husband, not even the children, you just need to put your trust in God and do what you think is right for the RIGHT REASONS.

Recently as I was saying this to grandma she looked at my brother and said:

هاي بعهدتك بدها تقعدلك

So he answered her right away:

ليش يعني؟ إذا هي ناجحة بحياتها، هو الزلمة يعني اللي بده يعيشها؟

I thoguht that was a good answer! It's not like a girl who doesn't get married will end up living with her brother and his wife, and you know how the streotype goes:she becomes a maid for them bla bla bla...

I'm not worried, thank God. Whether I got married or stayed single, both have their advantages and whatever God chooses must be the best for me.

Ola said...

And oh one more thing, it depends on the girl to stand up for this nagging. Some girls fall into that trap and sumbit to the nagging or hate their lives, think of leaving the contry, you name it. Just be strong and confident and don't be afraid to express yourself, that's the answer to stop them or at least not letting them get to you

rehmanab said...

Remember that we are all getting older and its harder to find a decent partner,
i found one on this single muslims site - try it and find out

Salaam

hamdanism said...

ya benti 7aram 3alaiki...amoot ana de7ek ya3ni ?? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL


excellent post ! ta7sheesh cartoon

hamdanism said...

@Ola

very nice comments !!! Bravo !

Dino$ said...

M :) glad u enjoyed this post.. lisa badri 3aliki to worry about all this. 18 seems like such a long time ago. i remembere being 18 and feeling that i was now "kbeereh" and i felt i was old and i still cant believe 10 years have passed! i was just telling my husband how old i feel and how i am sure the next 10 yeasr will pas b faster now that lulu is here and i will be 38- pretty much 40. i actually got depressed and was telling my husband ana 7aseeer 40!!!! he didnt take my depression seriously and thought i was being silly! but seriously i feel i will wake up a be 40 and wonder what happened in the last 12 years!!! Aaah! jsut enjoy ur age. dont let those ppl get to you. and abt ur friend... :S good for her.. will she continue to study ? will she be one of those girls whose water breaks in the middle of a university lecture :P

good luck to her :P i personally feels 18 is wa too early. unlike m grandmother Allah yer7amha who was married by 13 and with maybe 2 kids!

Dino$ said...

ASsooom thanks a lot for ur comment. and about knowing. i thought when you met the person the soundtrack
AT LAsssssssst my Loove has come ALONG" plays in the background and everything goes into slow motion. truth is... not really. well not in my case. i met him and i felt.. what did i feel.. hmmm.. like someone tickled my heart. i felt like i knew him. i sat and spoke to him an i felt like i knew him all my life. sub7nallah.. you just feel comfortable around that person and you see yourself with them and the real real love comes after marraige and 3ishreh. it might not be romeo and juliet all the time but thats not realistic. i mean in the beginning ur shy and just want to impress each other. and are not totally urself.

my husband thought i was "serious" when he first met me LOOOOOOL

anyway... u should just always pray istikhara and titwakali 3ala Allah and follow ur heart. dont confuse normal fears of commitment with real strong "NO" feelings :)

Dino$ said...

ola.. akh ya ola weish agolik wala agolek.. this topic brings up so many thoughts and stories.

i agree with everything you said. we no longer live in those days where a woman NEEDS to get married wa inshala la rijaal "3irra" just to be married. but still you find woman dying to get married and settling for ppl the age of thier grandfathers, or husbands that abuse them physically and emotionally, cheat on them. ofcourse they stay in this messed up relationship "3ashan il wlaad" and the kids who tab3an eventually grow up to be disturbed with many psychological problems feeling guilty that both thier parents are miserable because of them.

i hear so many stories. ishi BIGGG-har.. ya3ni bitshoof il bint mush na2isha ishi. really git3a wa bint naas wa 2amoora.. but for some reason she is not married and in the end accept to marry ay 7ad! wa il mseebeh in their mind they believe that even if they marry kondara they are better off than bein alone.

woman can work now. they can be independent. marriage is a choice not a NEED. and if it does not happen probably God knows BEST.

kalamek jawaher ya benti.. wa tisma3eesh la settek wala sett 7ada they will always say such things. i remember when my tata found out i was going to "TAN". it was sadma kbeereh in "EISSSSSSSH bidik titshamaseee??? il rjaal 2aatleh 7alya 3al bayaaaaaaaath"

i7na fe 3asr jennifer loBBBez yakhti il bayath overrated :P

Dino$ said...

rehmanab.. sorry i dont agree with you. as i said woman should not HUNT of look for their "naseeb" God has a bigger plan and it will happen without a girl obssessing about it. you were one of the few who got luck in finding ut husband in a matrimonial site. in most cases it doesnt work and usually ends badly.

but then again its a personal choice.

Dino$ said...

Abed.. shukran jazeelan. 3al tchomment. and glad you enjoy these posts. 3al hal seereh bidna njawzak :P

Whisper said...

The problem is not in us "singles" but it's in the people around us NAGGING NAGGING all the time :$

When ever my Aunts - whom all of their daughters married at 18 - come to visit us I feel like if they are "yesh7ado 3alay"
"allah yeb3atlek 2eben 7alal"... "Wllah ma shallah 3alekee mesh na2sek 2eshe" ...etc

They can't imagine that I really don't care, that I'm happy and I really believe that it's some thing in Gods hand.

oeliwat said...

You reminded me of another story, when my cousin was preparing to pursue her master degrees some people said: Now if you have a master degree your chances of getting married will decrease because you won't accept someone who is not of the same educational level as you! She was like: what's wrong with that? lol

I have a friend who keeps joking about getting a sugar daddy lol meaning marraying an older man 3ashan yosrof 3aleha w tetrek el shoo'3ol :D

hamdanism said...

yeah 5las, bas a7el qadeyyet el sharq awsat nsha2allah 3ala tool :P

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Tamara said...

Dino

I always read your posts they are always refreshing :)

This topic reminds me of what my friends mother once said" people keep nagging the woman to get engaged, once she is engaged they keep pushing for the wedding, then the baby, then a brother or a sister, then when they are sure she is completely trapped they leave her alone to deal with it."

There are no magic pills in this life, and marriage sure isn’t one ! it takes work and dedication from both.

Dino$ said...

sorry tamara for the late reply i thought i replied to this post ages ago.. anyway i totally agree with with you alwyas something to nag about :) thanks for ur comment

single muslim! said...

hah really great article - its so true - marriage is something which comes naturally. not somehing to be forced! have faith in Allah and let it happen his way! just remember to do your bit too!