Monday, January 03, 2011

Mind Not MAde about getting a Maid

After adding " getting a Maid" to my wishlist of 2011 I got a few comments from people who are totally against the idea. And well i also refused to get a maid before as i want to be the one raising my kids and i dont want to bring a stranger into my home and take away my freedom and let her in on our private lives. its impossible to stop someone who lives with you from knowing details about your personal private life. And ofcourse the idea of trusting someone with your kids even for a few minutes alone. Its a scary world out there and i have heard a lot of scary stories about maids and i believe it is risky and you can never know a person well enough to trust them. I dont even trust some family members to be left alone with my daughter.

i know that if you leave ur kids with a maid thier arabic will be more like pilipeeno arabic or indonesian arabic. "ana fe 7ubii inta mama" translation " i love u"

I remember the part time maid that used to come clean my house always shared unwanted gossip she would say " haada mama fe bayt awal sawee fighting ma3 baabaa 3asan howa fe shurub kteeer"
translation " the lady in the house i was cleaning before had a fight with her husband and he was drinking"

I dunno.. i still am not sure if i will get a maid one day but its risky and truth is sometimes you are so desperate that you are willing to take your chances. Mommies out there what are your experiences and thoughts on this subject?

p.s. in this cartoon i am not beating up the maid i am protecting her from the drama :P and yes i usually am this tall next to any maid. actually not only maids lots of people.


Anonymous said...

Dear Dino, and more importantly the fathers (and other critics) who commented on your previous post...

To give you an idea of my background: I am an arab mother of a very active toddler, currently living in the US. We do not have family in the US, it is just me and my husband. I do not use day care, and have never had a baby sitter, or a cleaner.

I am currently a stay at home mom (SAHM)- I gave up working when I became a mom because my first and foremost priority was my son- to give him the best, safest start to his life. My husband works full time in a very physically/emotionally demanding career. Despite having worked in a soul-draining, mentally exhausting field for 5 years, I can honestly say that being a full time mother is the most exhausting job anyone can have- for the simple reason that it is FULL TIME. Since my son was born I have not been off duty for even 5 minutes- not even the times when I have left him with his father while I run errands. A mother is a mother 24/7. While being a mother, she is also a full-time housekeeper for approx 6 hours a day everyday (cooking, cleaning, organising, laundry, ironing), a messenger (running errands to buy groceries etc) approx. 1 hour a day, a teacher to her child approx. 4 hours a day (teaching them activities, and life skills), a bodyguard to her child maybe 3 hours a day (don't touch that, don't climb up there, take your finger out of the socket, don't open the front door, etc), and a nurse when then bodyguarding fails about 1 hour a day, and finally a wife to her husband when he finally comes home for approx 2 hours. Now if you add that up it comes up to 17 hours- out of a total of 24. Which leaves a total of 7 hours- during which time a full-time mother must decide which is the highest priorities on her list- shower? eat? sleep? make phone calls to ppl who are about to cut them off their friends' list? read a book? have some me time? (oh wait, me time? What's that?). Not to even mention, or throw into that list, the hours of personal grooming women need to keep up with so that their husbands remain attracted to them!

So Dina, I say, if you are lucky enough to be able to hire a housekeeper, do not hesitate. As you yourself said, it depends on how you choose her, and treat her. Many of the girls who end up as housekeepers in the middle east are dying for the opportunity to improve their lives and provide for their families. Yes, unfortunately, like any system out there, plenty of people abuse the system. But I am sure you would be a wonderful EMPLOYER. Having a housekeeper does not mean you are oppressing a people, nor does it mean you are a slave driver, and it definitely does not mean you are lazy. To all you commenters out there with so much to say- walk a few miles in a person's shoes before you pass judgement.

Anonymous said...

Why do you have a BIG toe ?

Dino$ said...

WOw... THANK U THANK U for taking the words right out of my mouth! the way you explained your daily routine. i used to work in an advertising agency and i thought it was the most exhausting job in the world not only because the work never ended and deadlines are always on short notice i also had to deal with 2 hour traffic each morning and night when i got back home i would fall asleep without even realizing it would be time to get up again.. and then i thought that was the hardest job.... tilllll ofcourse being a mom! i mean its not at all what i imagined. As you said its not only phsically draining but emotionally as well! you find yourself feeling that everyday is a challenge. Everyday is a struggle to get things done. When my daughter finally takes a nap i think of what i will do with this hour ( if it is actually an hour nap)and i end up using it to either do something around the house or i call one of the friends who probably hates me for not returning any of her calls trying to maintain a social life. Its hard. and if i can get help inshala i will because just like every1 in the world i believe moms deserve a break. time to breath. to take care of themselves instead of always being the one taking care of others and sacrificing everything in their life and losing themselves in the process.

I dont ever look down on any1 because i beleive we are all equal in the eyes of GOD. I would never mistreat her and i feel she will be so in love with lulu she wont ever want to leave either. So for now i am thinking about it before i think of another child because i want her to be there before the 2nd baby inshala.

Thank u for ur comment.. you r such a strong and great mom and i hope things get easier for you. *hug*

Dino$ said...

anonymous the big toe its part of my cartooon character :P i love drawing big toes

Doomish said...

An extra couple of hands will be always appreciated at any household with a toddler in it.

Dino$ said...

yes doomish i totally agree i have a friend with 2 kids and a maid and still she is barely managing! its tough! should i keep calling u doomish or do u have another nickname?

Sinper said...

Hi Dino :) I heard millions of stories similar to the ones u mentioned.. It's not an easy decision to make, try to do estikhara w nshallah khair!

LOL @ the toe comment

Anonymous, u & all mothers definitely need help especially in the first few years, the point I've been trying to make is simple, there are currently no regulations in the Arab world that EFFECTIVELY protect those maids... I have no doubt that Dino would treat the maid as a family member w even more bas the fact is not all mothers r like Dino.. I'm looking at the matter from a purely human right's perspective, in a society where most families have maids, it has become the MAINSTREAM... Dino is just participating in the mainstream by having a maid.. Let me put it this way:
Do those maids have parents like us?
Do they have brothers or sisters? Do they get married?
Do they have the right to have kids for God sake???????
Do they have the right to live WITH their OWN families?!
Is it acceptable to take advantage of their need of money and deprive them from their basic rights as humans? even if they do in their will..

I 100% agree that mothers do need help but let's try to find that help away from maids, it's everybody's responsibility to try to find a way out.. ideas any one??

Linking of divorce in the west with absence of maids doesn't make any sense.. Come one!
2al "Get a maid or u get the divorce!" lol
There r zillion of reasons why divorce is wide spread in the west and a lot of Arab countries like in the gulf.. bel3aks, from what i see, families who have maids tend to have more divorce cases than those who dont..

Susu said...

Get a maid, get a maid! I wish I can have one here in the US.
You are the boss and you can control it. So give yourself a break :)

Anonymous said...

I'm pro part time maid..full time maid is no no :)

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

nothing lft to say! :)

kinzi said...

Ah Dino-dear, I have four able-bodied helpful kids, an American husband who helps a lot, a part-time writing job and full-time volunteer work (well, it feels like it).

I have a part-time helper four hours a week, and it makes a huge difference. I would recommend part-time but not live-in. It means you are not dependent on one another, thus equalizing that power differential between madame and maid.

You have a life, she has a life, it is a business deal. I don't recommend allowing her to nanny much until you know her very well.

Be careful, it is easy to start being lazy. You still need to be absolute Rabbit Bayt, she needs to be the employee. Do a lot of interviewing, choose one with a little fire rather than terribly passive.

Imagine all the news stories you will be able to blog about!

Dino$ said...

susu inshala ill see what happens i am still in the process of thinking about it. but in the future if i have not choice and parttime is not good enough inshala khier


Dino$ said...

Sniper... its to general to say marriages with maids fail but i am telling what is for sure. if there is not help wala parttime wala maid and many kids for sure the marriage will be rocky because of all the stress on the wife and if it is the husband that is not helping a little bit of resentment is expected. i dont say divorce but i am sure it will be like the many marriages out there where the wife and husband lost any sort of communication and are together just for the kids. The kids who hardly see their dad because he is too occupied with work . I dunno if your wife reaches a point where she feels parttime is not enough and she is exhausted and she cant handle and you say no to a maid for reasons she disagrees with. then i am sure that cant be good for the marraige. i dunno.. khalas inta ma tjeeb khadameh ana bajeeb wa ma fe mashakel :P mush u gave me the okay ini good employer? khalas shukran


Dino$ said...

hamdanism.. zay ma oltelak its different when u have no experience with being in a house with a toddler r more than one one.. then u will probably consider

Sheeshany lool sakatoook il commments! :P sniper on his own haha

Sniper said...

Akhhhhh masaktini min eidi le btuja3ni...

* Sniper sits on the chair far away in the corner hands on head thinking
* Sniper loads his gun with REAL bullets

Dino$ said...

lol *dino dodges bullets in slow motion like Neo from the matrix :P

Dino$ said...

kanoooozti.. i must say u are unlike any normal woman u are extraordinary and i am sure u have extraordinary powers which is why i am not surprised u can manage ! mashala but i dont think i am as strong and inshala khier i am still not sure it all depends on lulu and when i put her in nursery and i will see how it goes . sorry for teh late reply i thought i replied earlier :)

Anonymous said...

I think every married woman(especially the older she gets) should have a maid,who else will help with the house chores?.If she has babies or very small kids, she defenitly needs a maid, regardless of the scenarios you put when having a maid,regarding the house chores maybe the kids are still teenagers who she can't depend on...because they don't listen to her, or if they are working, they don't have time to help belakher bejee 3a rasha , so the husband should think of the wife's needs and get her a maid.

kinzi said...

Dino-dear, lol, God must be my super-empower-er...I will pray He will be yours too.

Dino, are you still in Dubai? I am going in early March (1st time East of Jordan EVER!)adn wonder if we could maybe meet?

Anonymous said...

Why does the man have snan mafrooqeen and beshbah sharshabeel , maybe because he is jelous from kids or certain people .

Dino$ said...

kanoozti see u soon inshala!

lol @ anonymous very good point maybe he is just evil and doesnt want me to get a maid

Anonymous said...

lol @ anonymous very good point maybe he is just evil and doesnt want me to get a maid"

Who is he , your husband to decide if you should get a maid or not , although I strongly think that a working woman should have a full time maid , despite if the husabnd feels comfortable or not .