sorry is a word i hear alot... unfortunately it has no use when is said after breakin my heart... who said its only men who break our hearts? i think what is deeper than the heartache for someone you love is the pain you feel when someone u truely cared about and trusted and felt was a true friend to you lets you down.. yes i said id be careful with who i trust.. but yes i was careful from the wrong people.. its those who u care abt who hurt u the most because u DONT expect them to...
i am typing this blog with a new fresh wound.. excuse my typos for my teary eyes wont allow me to see the screen properely... SOrry? what can it do for me now?? I feel like my heart shrunk in my chest..it suddenly wrinkled up.. its not that ive not been hurt b4.. its not that ive not been disappointed b4.. but its just that i really didnt expect it this time.. ouch
i feel utterly horrible... hurt and overwhelmed with heartache.. im not a weak person i know that .. but im gullible and sensitive and i wish i wasnt this way...
imagine someone who u considred was a friend to u for the longest time... someone who you truely care abt.. suddenly tells u that she no longer considers you as a friend.. that you sometimes you are FAKE!!!!! For no reason at alll... out of the blue.. u realize that this person who u thought was ur friend doesnt feel the same way... im not talking about someone who was just a social aquaintance.. im talkin abt someon who u had up soo high.. someone u felt was special and unlike the rest... that is what i call a MAJOR MAJOR OUCH.....
after all this i still am not mad at her.. or even hold anything against her.. all i feel is disappointed... and silly... mostly i feel hurt..
will i ever learn?? but she said one thing that i agree with... when somethin is broken it will never be the same.....
today i feel something major was broken.. my heart... and a friendship that i thought was true and hoped would last forever
call me anything but FAKe.. i am the most straightforward person you will ever meet! i say what i feel and i mean what i say!! If people have trouble believing im sincerely a goodhearted person who truely cares.... then that is their problem.. al hamdulilah ( thank GOD) for everything..... at least i know what i am... :(--
im heading to bed.. too much drama for today.. i hate crying..
22 comments:
I just got home from work...did a 13 hour shift with a 30 minute break. I sat down once, my feet hurt..my heat is pounding from all the inane conversations I was obligated to have with strangers...
I came through the door to discover the food I had made myself lastnight for dinner has been eaten by someone else. No hotwater for a shower , so had a cold one.
So....I turned on the computer and made some tea. And suddenly Dino..I dont have any fatigue, or frustration or complaints,they melted away in your sorrow and pain, and tears. You have humbled me today.
I dont know what it is about a relationship with a woman that is different from a man. But we need them more. They are hard to find, hard to establish, but once they are there we trust them and clutch onto them with all our strength. Losing one is like losing a part of ourselves. And being betrayed is even harder.
You have to let the sadness wash over you.
You know who you are. And you are a good person. Trust that.
I dont work tomorrow...I will try to come by and cheer you up a bit.
For no I am going to bed. like you, I have had enough of this day. Tomorrow will definately be better.
Goodnight...
the woman in the pic is not me but my por friend who had to suffer while i took photos of her after i forced her to cry hehe or act like she is crying for my pics! hehe
but we kind of look alike and both have tiny flat noses! hehe
SK ur right.. there is somethin differernt abt the bond we have with a woman.. its like we have been hurt from men and expect and always seek comfort with the girlfriends that you kind of let your gaurd down... and that is when... OUCH...
thanks Sk u made me feel better.. there is no chocolate in the house!
sorry for the depression today :( i usually get over things like this quickly...
its raining here! is it cause i cried? hehe *trys to convince herself that her moods effect the weather.. i love rain i think ill go out for a walk..
i have to say the gloomy weather is cool!! *sigh
she wasnt really crying.. i made her act like she was.. heehee
yes im sure jumierah is amazing in this weather! wow i wish i was in dubai right now at the beach listening to the waves hit the shore...
i would lie if i said i am ok... im not.. i know there are alot of ppl who are concerned yes.. and i do have ppl who care abt me.. but it just hurts when someone u care abt hurts u like that..
its like someone shot u and then said oh SOrry i killed u!what is the use of the word sorry?! and well even if that person pulled the trigger by mistake and didnt mean to shoot a bullet through my heart! what are they doing pointing a LOADED GUN IN MY DIRECTION ANYWAY!!
i try to make excuses for why people act the way they do...when they rush to judge me and assume the worst abt me... im sick of this cycle... im sick of being me
wish i was DR. Evil!!
You know, I was thinking about relationships this morning. I was looking at all my friends and other peoplethat I surround myself with, both men and women, and I think I see a trend.
I choose to be around people that need me..because I need to feel needed. I need to wrap myself in their problems and help them find solutions... I feel validated by that.
Men tend to keep their emotions tucked away. When they deal with each other they keep it light. Talk about sports, girls, work, cars...but women, we are only happy when we are digging deep into our emotional side and analysing it.
I am very happy to be a woman, and I love digging into my feelings and emotions. But, we risk being hurt by opening ourselves.
You know, women in general are not that nice. By nature we are very competative, even if we say we are not. Competative with each other.
Women or girls who will only be friends with other women who are less attractive than they are..less inteligent...etc. In order to make themselves feel/look better. They may not even realise it.
No unusual to have a girlfriend dump you becasue they are jelous of you in some way, and throw an insult in to knock you down a few notches.
It is not for nothing that we rule the world!
I dont know what exactly happened wit hyour friend...but it soundslike one of those times when time and reflection will heal it, not much else.
So let me think for a minute about something funny......in french we say... "change la mal de place"...(change the place you are hurting so you forget about the first injury)...kind of like stomping on yourfoot to make you forget your injured arm. I'll try to do it without injury though ...
Ok Mudassar...help me think of a funny conversation for Dino to change her mind about this for a few minutes at least.....
Lets make the topic ... lima beans and turtles... I will write the first three lines of a story and then you continue it for three lines....see where it goes.
Ok...
Once upon a time there was an angry little turtle named baboo. Baboo got up one morning, looked around for his breakfast and noticed it was gone. He was furious! He yelled at all the other turtles..."WHERE ARE MY LIMA BEANS !!!....I cooked them yesterday for my breakfast and now they are gone !!! which one of you little turtle brains ate my lima beans !!!!? I wieght almost half a monkey and I am the longest turtle here..measuring almost 16 jelly beans..so if you all want to live to see another day...cough up the limas or else !!!!!"
(feel free to add to story here...I gootta go..)
Bye..SK
u guys u really cheered me up! first thing i did when i got back home was check my blog!
Sk ur totally right.. i feel girls are always compettive and like to be around girls who make them feel better abt themselves... i dunno y i never get jealous.. i mean yes sometiems ppl have things i want.. but i know its God's will and me being jealous of something someone else has is kind of being ungrateful for the things i do have... no one is perfect.. and i personally don't feel those girlie feelings of jealousy... (expect if i get married and my husband hits on a hot chic) maybe hehe
its impossible to be friends with ppl who are jealous of u... its annoying too.. i had a friend once who used to copy everything i did.. even buy the exact same clothes..it got reallly annoying!
Btw usually girls are fine unless if a guy gets involved in the story! they turn UGLY! hehe MEN pshhhhhhht *rolls eyes heeh
i hate how some girls forget their friends when there is a man in the picture! Or those girls who act totally different infront of Guys!
argh! annoying.... i have to say im not like the typical girlie girl! i dont liek shopping for hours.. i like to go get the first thing i like and leave.. i dont like gossiping abt ppls lives.. its islamically wrong too ofcourse.. i dont care abt gucci purses or all that stuff.. i dont sit for hours applying makeup b4 i leave the house.. i dont nag... hmmm but i do tend to get emotional and am very in touch with my innermost deepest feeings..
Mudaassar thanks for the baboo story haha poor guy as pushed in the pond! oo i love making up stories! im like the best story teller! i shall make one baboo story for u someday!
thakns for all u said guys! u really cheered me up and made my day! i had a huge chocolate icecream scoop with extra fudge today i also had a walk on the beach! SAw the most adorable kids and saw " charlie and the chocolate factory" .. today was great.. got my mind off a lot of things...
side note : i want to live in a chocolate FACTORY!!!! hehe
*stands with applause for Mudassar* !!!!
Yeah man, you did it! You finished the story and it was extra funny !!!!
for that I give you all my laughs :
lol
LOL
LOOOOOL
hahaha
hehehehehe
and the best one ...bwahahahaha!!!
good job , that was great!
SK ur here! *hugs sk till she out of breath! finally ur online when i am! how r u?! how was work today?! tired? any hot water today?! *dino trys to tell sk in a nice way that she needs to take a shower!!
hehe
Sk... how come u dont have a blog of ur own?! i think ur blog would be the coolest! ( but if ur blog will take u away from posting here i suggest u just post here instead)
hehe btw i feel sorry for the ppl who attempt to read my blog.. its like too long!! hehe too much craziness!
i type really fast which is why i type a lot! i dont look at the keyboard when i type! i guess its skills i have gained after chatting for many years lol
Dino..good girl for going out and changing your mind.
I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (and bought it..dont ask). I just have a thing for Johnny Depp. Wierd to see him with dentures, but he did a great job in that.
Ever see johnny Depp in the Pirates of the Carrabean?....so cool. Sequal coming out this summer.
Having a quiet day here. It is snowing lightly. Reading a book, having some tea..and not thinking too much.
Maybe we need to start another story ... you start it Dino..
Oh..hi!
No, I didnt work today. I stayed home..had a hot shower (thankyou for your concern..lol). I work tomorrow.
Kind of bored actually.
My own blog.
No thanks. Kind of sounds like work (yikes..me, make an effort??). And then someone might expect me to say something intelligent or thoughtful. They could be waiting a long time man.
I will just come here and drop my emotional baggage when I get the chance. Kind of becoming a daily thing...therapy ..haha.
I type without looking ( hense the many errors) but I dont chat alot...I just had to take a couple of years of word processing in school...for what purpose I have no idea. Oh, I guess for this..duhh.
ok! hehe i loved his acting in pirates of teh carribian! he was playign a weird role in this movie! first time i see him this way! hes a great actor! i love his acting.. him and tom hanks, edward nortan and mel gibson are my fav male actors.. fav femlaes meg ryan julia roberts.. few more .. brain went blank..
so lets start a story...
Scene * dubai soouq
Baboo has decided to go fishin with his son Raju.. they hardly ever bond which is why fishin is the only way for them to hang out and talk to each other...
Baboo hooks a worm into the hook and says to raju " son.. dis is a a vorm for da fishies" shakes head from left to right.. raju does teh same movement with his head..
hours passed .. suddenly the he felt somethin pullin the bait.. he smiled at raju showing off that he finally CAUGHT A FISH! after a struggle with the hook... flys out a shoe that SK has thrown in the river ages ago...
raju sighs and says " dad i think ur bait is stictly for shoes not FISH lets try hookin a shoe and seeing what happens next time"
BABoo is mad.. he is furious.. takes sk's wet shoe throws it at raju.. RAju runs...
(mudassar im not makin fun of indians hehe do uhave an accent? do u move ur head from left to right to say yes?) hehe please dont get offended im being silly.. i have indian friends we make jokes like this all the time together
Since we are CIBER MATES..I have to admit something...
when I first wrote sk..I meant to write sky, but missed the y.
Sky is a nickname my mother gave me when I was small. I used to lay on the ground and just stare up at it. You know, the cloud watching phase...why is the sky blue.. how do birds stay up there...and for crying out loud , how do planes stay up there ??...etc. The name stuck beacuse she liked it.
So, since you are a friend ( and I will include Mudassar)...you can call me Sky.
So what does Dino come from...?
...Raju runs, but not fast enough..WHAM !! shoes gets him on the back of the head. Meanwhile..Baboo is rethinking his approach...really wnats to eat fish for dinner tonight. He reaches into Raju's lunchbox and pulls out some jelly worms. Hahaha, this should do the trick . I bet I can catch an amazing fish with this worm.
Raju stands in amazement as Baboo throws the line out and almost instantly Babbo is struggling to hold onto the fishing rod!
Raju is yelling..wow ...wow !! Hold on !..hold on....after an hour of struggling and fighting to pull the fish in...Baboo and Raju together give one final pull on the fishing rod and WWWWOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!....pull in the BIGGEST candy jelly fish you have every seen.
i like candy.....*said in her best indian accent and bobbling head...*
*i also like indian men..wink..blush..*
Oh, sorry...finish the story...
baboo and raju together carry the huge candy fish home to surprise Chandra.. who opens the door with a smile! then screams
" BLIMMMMEY OH MY GOD!! VAT IS THAT"
raju is already munchin on the fish.. Baboo glares at raju... Raju stops and is left with slimy candy around his mouth...
Chandra gives raju a death look that means " GO WASH OFF UR FACE NOW"
RAju Runs again..
sk are u hittin on mudassar lol
oh im so used to sk i cant call u sky! but im glad u let me in ur secret!! hhee im flattered!
i guess we will leave raju runing till the next episode im gonna go to sleep now... nity Sk... *yawns
looking forward to ur posts.. its ur turn again to continues the story... take care.. mudassar will sure have somethin to read 2moro at work lol ENJOY MUD <-- new nick
ok, ok ... you can keep sk.
I knew it was going to be wierd to change ...even sounded strange to me at that point (??).
Me? Hitting on Mud? If he can do that bobbly head thing with a genuine indian accent!...well, how could I resist?
Now is that Mud the nickname..? I like it(and of course he has no choice)..hehe
I had to go to work last night for a seminar..got back late and am up early to go again. I am running late and what do i do..I come here..lol !
A possible ending for story ( quick version)...Baboo says..ok, enough of that crap, I'm your Dad and that riddle was pathetic ( no offence Mud)...so wipe that candy slime off your face, do as I say , appologise to your poor mother or else I will throw you in that pond on the other side of town with those crocodiles and deadly snakes!
Moral to this story?...probably not..lol
Start another, start another...!
I have to go ...have a great day !
Mud...I am working....
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