Thursday, January 12, 2006

here i am again.. reason im here talkin to myself lettin thigns off my chest is because i have been through more than one experience that made me realize.. i TRUST ppl way to much... the simplest sharing of oens thoughts with the wrong ppl can be somethin u regret enternally...

i hate this gosssip crap... i hate being part of it.. i admit i talk to much.. i write too much.. but i guess if i didnt id explode.. but i mean well... and ppl always misinterpret my kindess and assume the worst.. whats up with this crrappy world?! why cant anyone freakin leave each person alone! everyone seems to butt in ur lif as if im sittin there on their CHEST! hello?! if i work or not? get married or NOT its non of ur GOD DAmn BusinESS!! im just so sick and tired of ppl asknin me with a " sad puppy look" on their face.. So what u doing now?! first it was that same look with : have u graduated yet!!

Sillly me i thought after graduation that tormentation was over!!! and even when i work and am a successful grpahic designer they will stilll come to me with that same ANNOYing LOok sayin

: ArE U MARRIED YET! and after that! HAVE U FREAKIN GOTTEN ANY KIDS! and if u GET KIDS ARE U GETTIN MORE KIDS?! its a never evndin CYCLE! A CURSE! maybe its just the arab culture! i dunno...

right now im as confused as ever.. tryin my best to be the best muslimah.. live my life the right way.. well right now im going through the whole traditional marraige adventures ... some lady comes to check me out.. and sometimes if im lucly the guy comes along.. istaghfarallah i,m not complaingin.. i know its the right way.. but i mean it soo hard to sit there and meet someone for the first time in ur life and decide whether he is ur potential husband...

yes hi... im dinos.. want to spend the rest of ur life with me? !!

its just too awkward.. never felt like a potatoe on display like i have hte past couple of days.. i want this process to end... but inshala khier.. im not in a hurry for marraige... im def not goin to settle for someone i feel isnt THE ONE... welll i let go of the dreams of findin mr tall religious funny goodlookin english/arabic speaking 3arees not to forget finanically well off! hehe yes i guess im askin for too much... i narrowed down my list to.. not UGly... ok lookin... someone u can look at and not GASP WITH FEAR! heh no major deformities..... like if he has a huge nose there is always cosmic surgery! but the height is a major ISSUE! i mean he should be taller than i am.. and apprantly i attract short men hehe well i undestand they want to have tall kids but... hmmm not moi... sooo tall... religous.. true mu2min not someone who prays and brags abt his 5 prayers a day!! its like... pathetic.. contradict the whole idea of prayer.. u pray to GOd and not to show off to ur neighbors! so... tall. mu2min... and has a SENSE OF HUMOR! im like a freak show on legs... i think if it was islamically ok id be the first stand up comedian hijjabi!!

ne way... im not feeling that great... ive been sittin here talkin to myself for the past hour ... i wonder does anyone ever read this?! lol that would be even more pathetic... u sure are bored too!! hehe just kidd .. ok im talking to myself again..

have u ever felt like the world is moving and ppl have gone on with thier lives when ur life has taken a sudden HAULT!? i dunno lately ive been feeling that way... GOd help me get through this phase ..... sseee ya online me...




secretdubai said...

That is fascinating, because I always wondered what it was like for you guys.

Regardless of whether introduced marriages/family marriage are more or less successful than "love" marriages, it still strikes me as odd that you have to make this near instant decision on marrying someone when you barely know each other. Somehow it's very romantic, but also very uneasy.

Incidentally I did know a gorgeous, sweet TALL (Dubai) local guy looking for a wife, a really honest, sincere, lovely guy, but I guess you have to have a family introduction, right?!

Oh and you're added to the blogroll. Drop me a line to [my username here] at gmail if you would like a member invite to UAE community blog as well.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, never settle. Wait for the perfect one or else get yourself a cat to keep you company.
I am a bit older than you ( and not muslim)but I remember feelings at that age. The feeling of wondering if I would ever find someone . I couldnt imagine it at all. I wanted happiness, laughter, someone to share everything take away the bordom of doing it all alone.
It all comes together though. It somehow does. So dont prepare to settle...nose surgery doesnt always work, and I am tall as well, I know the issues it brings.
I felt as though I was reading something so personal when I read through your blog.Thankyou for sharing your thoughts.
I was facinated as well. You gave insight into something I could have never otherwise known.

I will be back to read more. As long as those thoughts continue to flow...

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

oh wow.. i have an audience! lol

thanks for reading.. i wont settle for anything.. im not in a hurry.. i hope i didnt give the impression the impression that im deperate .. its actually the opposite im jsut sick of the process and im tryin to think of findgin a job now more than finding a tall husband :P

btw.. where do u tall ppl hide? is there like a hang out? :P nice to know tall ppl exist in dubai! hehe

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

secretdubai i totally agree with what u said.. abt it being uneasy.. i mean how could it not be!? its the rest of ur life! and ur sittin there meeting someone for the first time.. there defintely to impress... the whole situation is awkward.. i cant be myself.. im sure he isnt himself.. not to forget ur parents presence.. his parents... ARGH!

ne way.. im not in a hurry.. im hopin it will happen naturally someday with no awkwardness heh

abt this uae blog thingi.. how does it work... im new here and i need guidance hehe oh guide me wise one.. :P im still learning abt bloggin was actually surprised ppl can read this.. Eeeeek...

*note to self..

thanks for the feedback

Anonymous said...

You don't sound desperate at all.
You sound very refective to me.
I guess my brain works the same way. Always wondering about and processing emotions. Past, present future..regrets..kind of like a trip to the pshycologist without the conclusion at the end. Just circling around and around.
Your random thoughts create a very clear picture.
Very refreshing. Very true. And honest.
Where do us tall people hang out ? I am not actually in Dubai . I didnt notice alot when I was there...and I dont see too many around here ( I like to think of mself as a special breed of superwoman). But something about tall people..we are drawn together like magnets. I spot a tall person and I automatically start heading in their direction..."Hey ! look at me, look at me...I'm tall too" !
*blank stare..eyes roll*

take care

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

LOL at the "us tall ppl drawn together like magnetS" LOL so true i mean i stand there sometimes ordering food in a mall and if there is a tall guy waiting for his food i find myself just standing next to him in teh que!.. haha its soo sad... its not that im hitting on him but i sure do love the tall presence! feeling that u can literally LOOK UP to someone!!

*secretly dinos stalks tall ppl in malls! lol

thanks for the feedback! makes me feel that im NOT ALONE!

Anonymous said...

AAhhhh, tall stories.
I am scared to admit some of the thoughts I have had on that in regards to guys.
Definately a bit of stalking involved at times. The occassional bizzaro comment that emerges from my mouth as I think I can make a connection. Umm no.
I can carry on sometimes on such a tangent. The more a person just looks at me babbling, the worse I get. On and on. One minute trying to compliment them on their lovely thing you know they are still standing there with their mouth hanging open as I have moved on to ten other topics excusing myself for everything from acne to boots with zippers. And they have no idea what I am talking about. And at that point, neither do I.

See, look at that..from tall to boots in 2 minutes flat. I never fail.


Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

LOL @ the comments we blurt out when we are nervous.. we seem to have a lot in common! when im nervous i say the most absurd things ! and instead of stopping its like i lose all control over the words that flow out of my mouth! And instead of damage control i end up adding more embarrassing comments !!

not to forget to mention the way i start talkin in the speed of light!! haha