Tuesday, January 17, 2006
InTeRnAL BAttle$ !!
Have you ever just sat there and felt like you
had a split personality?! more like an internal battle or internal battles with you heart, mind & soul! where you felt that no matter how hard you try to do things right they just end up a complicated mess in ur head!? maybe its all in my head and maybe this is too deep ... and maybe i need some therapy!!
its like i try to please God as much as i can... i try to please ppl as much as i can... then i realize that even doing my best is not good enough.. that no matter what i do i will always feel bad because we are all sinners and i will always feel guilty for not being as good a mu2mina and muslimah as i would want to be... then id feel bad for the things i havent accomplished... and never will people be please with you!!
And in that moment i think abt all this... i feel a heavy weight on my chest... i remember all those negative thoughts and even comments ive heard throughout all my life... i feel the urge to just scream at the top of my lungs !! AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH!
LIke u have had Enough FAkene$$! Enough of everything!! You feel soo much negativeness has accumulated inside of u throughout the years you have been bottled up !
oh wait... a voice says to you.. no no " there is a silver lining on every dark cloud!"
I am SICK of looking at the silver lining around the freakin dark clouds! when all i get is ACID RAIN in my eyes! or more like RAiny Eyes
ok.. i hate being pessimistic.. that the darkside talking.. *wears colorful shades that make her see the rainbows again...
Enough drama for one night i guess... i think i over did it with the deep thoughts... what do u expect its 4:36 am and i just recovered from a serious case of food poisoning.. and i just saw a movie about witchcraft and voodoo...
i shall end this psychotic journey in mind mind and spare u my schizophrenic thoughts... but i will probably be back with more 2moro! *Muo ha ha ha ha EVIL LAugh!
where did all that come from?! hehe im back to normal now that i let it out of my system!!
*skips away in garden of roses.... singing "ITS a Wonderful World"