Tuesday, January 17, 2006

InTeRnAL BAttle$ !!

Have you ever just sat there and felt like you
had a split personality?! more like an internal battle or internal battles with you heart, mind & soul! where you felt that no matter how hard you try to do things right they just end up a complicated mess in ur head!? maybe its all in my head and maybe this is too deep ... and maybe i need some therapy!!

its like i try to please God as much as i can... i try to please ppl as much as i can... then i realize that even doing my best is not good enough.. that no matter what i do i will always feel bad because we are all sinners and i will always feel guilty for not being as good a mu2mina and muslimah as i would want to be... then id feel bad for the things i havent accomplished... and never will people be please with you!!

And in that moment i think abt all this... i feel a heavy weight on my chest... i remember all those negative thoughts and even comments ive heard throughout all my life... i feel the urge to just scream at the top of my lungs !! AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

LIke u have had Enough FAkene$$! Enough of everything!! You feel soo much negativeness has accumulated inside of u throughout the years you have been bottled up !

oh wait... a voice says to you.. no no " there is a silver lining on every dark cloud!"

I am SICK of looking at the silver lining around the freakin dark clouds! when all i get is ACID RAIN in my eyes! or more like RAiny Eyes

ok.. i hate being pessimistic.. that the darkside talking.. *wears colorful shades that make her see the rainbows again...

Enough drama for one night i guess... i think i over did it with the deep thoughts... what do u expect its 4:36 am and i just recovered from a serious case of food poisoning.. and i just saw a movie about witchcraft and voodoo...

i shall end this psychotic journey in mind mind and spare u my schizophrenic thoughts... but i will probably be back with more 2moro! *Muo ha ha ha ha EVIL LAugh!

where did all that come from?! hehe im back to normal now that i let it out of my system!!

*skips away in garden of roses.... singing "ITS a Wonderful World"


Anonymous said...

You might not be that far off with the split personality thing. I often think that we develope different facets to our personalities over time. Like different personalities that take over in different situations.

I kind of like the idea of it.


Anonymous said...

Wow, did you spell schizophrenic without a dictionary ?

I am impressed. I had to stop a second and think about it.

Sooo, talented.lol


Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

haha no dictionary yes...
wait till u see my other spellin mistakes! hehe

sk ur like my only fan! thanks!

i think i have more than just 2 personalities!!

SK said...

Not to worry, I have counted four different personality fallbacks. I am gratefull they are there *pats herself on back proudly*

it's all good, it's all good.

SK said...

Oh, a fan ?

You make me sound kind of groupie-ish.LOL.
I find your thoughts interesting and similar to mine. I am a couple of years older than you, but the brain functions seem to be similar. Always thinking, always analysing.
You also practice a religion that I am not 100% familiar with, and therefore a different lifestyle in alot of ways. It gives a different insight into almost a parallel "ME", since your interests, train of thought and opinions seem so similar.

It is actually quite fascinating. I could have stayed quiet I suppose and just read your blog. But I had to let you know you sure are not alone..your issues and thoughts span over oceans and continents. Literally.

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

im shocked anyone in this world shares my thoughts! i seriously thought i was...
Allllll by my seeeeeeeelffffff..

side note :
many celine dion attempts resulted in neighbors moving out... *windows break...
*birds migrate to a place where they can find peace! hehe

i sure do feel we have a lot in common!! glad u enjoy my craziness!

dont u have a blog ! id love to see it!

SK said...

A blog, who ? little ol me ?

It looks a little time consuming. Mabe I will do one..them make a reference to your site and then say"ditto, what she said" lol.